Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: kelly, what up dog
Kelly: Not much, dog!
Kelly: Hanging out on the stupid, boring Internet
Kelly: Same as ever
Kelly: What’s up with you?
Gabe: i’m in this little cafe called starbucks right now
Gabe: it’s this hidden gem of a cafe
Gabe: my little secret
Kelly: It sounds really, really delightful.
Gabe: it’s real charming
Gabe: it’s like being in europe
Gabe: i would imagine
Kelly: That’s sounds sooooo nice.
Gabe: don’t tell anyone, though
Gabe: i don’t want it to get overrun with HIPSTERS
Gabe: taking pictures of these amazing capuccinos
Gabe: for their food tumblrs
Kelly: OMG don’t even get me started on hipsters and food tumblrs, I definitely will not tell anyone about it your secret’s safe with me.
Gabe: thanks dummy
Kelly: NP
Kelly: Speaking of dummy, did you hear that Quentin Tarantino is retiring?!

Kelly: Maybe?!
Kelly: After he makes three more movies?!?!
Gabe: well, that makes sense
Gabe: he IS a 600 year old vampire
Kelly: Ugh but it’s always so sad when they have to hang up their crumpled vampire skin for good.
Gabe: i kind of support when artists retire
Kelly: Strong words
Gabe: but it’s always weird
Gabe: when they just loosely threaten to retire
Gabe: in 10-15 years
Kelly: Yes
Gabe: like, i understand the impulse to be protective of your body of work
Gabe: and i think quentin tarantino is mostly right taht directors don’t get better with time
Gabe: for whatever reason
Gabe: but if he’s not retiring right away
Gabe: how does he even know he will live long enough to make three more movies?
Gabe: we all might die tomorrow
Kelly: That’s a good point
Gabe: all of us, together
Kelly: :-/
Gabe: it is like me saying “I will probably sell my house eventually.”
Gabe: i don’t own a house
Kelly: Hahahaha
Gabe: but, like, if i do ever own a house, i bet maybe i sell it and buy a different house?
Gabe: i like that he also says that he also might not retire after three more films if he has a great idea that he wants to turn into a film
Gabe: so it’s like, what are we even talking about anymore?
Kelly: Right
Kelly: I have no idea why he is even talking about retiring.
Kelly: It is only going to be embarrassing for him and disappointing for the rest of us when he makes 100 more movies
Gabe: “I’ll probably retire one day unless I never retire. What was the quesiton again? And who is asking it?”
Gabe: who is asking him about retiring?
Gabe: how did this come up?
Kelly: It was the 20th anniversary of Reservoir Dogs?

Gabe: “Your movie Reservoir Dogs came out 20 years ago, and in the next 20 years, other things will happen. Do you agree?”
Kelly: Hahah. I am looking and I really do not know. It seems like it’s just an idea he’s thrown out in a few interviews.
Gabe: That he doesn’t want to be an “old-man filmmaker.”
Gabe: it’s funny because “retirement” is completely meaningless
Gabe: when you are a multi-millionaire celebrity director
Gabe: who makes movies whenever he wants
Kelly: Right
Gabe: he might stop making movies, but that’s not “retirement”
Gabe: he will still be drinking diamond smoothies out by the swimming pool he had built in the shape of Bruce Willis’s dick or whatever
Kelly: And we’ll still have to see his face all the time, I bet.
Gabe: i hope so
Gabe: i hope he becomes a judge on X Factor
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: i mean, the other side of him talking about retiring and not wanting to make bad movies is that it brings up a weird question of what the point of making movies is in the first place
Gabe: what i mean is
Gabe: if quentin tarantino is an artist, and i believe that he is
Gabe: then the point of his making movies is a grand-scale ambitious form of self-expression
Gabe: so, how/why would that impulse just go away? because of fear?
Gabe: i guess he could just start doing water colors or write fan fiction or something

Kelly: Well I think what he’s saying, and why he wants to do a strict “retirement,” is because the impulse will not go away.
Kelly: But will lead to worse films.
Gabe: right, ok, that makes sense
Gabe: but
Gabe: how do you stop that impulse?
Gabe: when everyone is encouraging you
Gabe: to indulge in that impulse?
Gabe: how is he going to be able to know
Gabe: that his new idea isn’t any good?
Gabe: he was pretty sure his old ideas were good
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: they were! his movies are great
Gabe: except grindhouse
Gabe: that is horrible
Kelly: Well, I’m pretty sure the answer is going to be
Kelly: That he won’t be able to stop that impulse
Gabe: but, like, it’s going to be the same brain telling him “no, you should do this, it’s great,” that told him that the last time
Kelly: Right
Gabe: he handcuffs himself to the radiator
Gabe: and tells Uma Thurman not to uncuff him no matter what crazy things he says in the night
Kelly: He should just write a letter to his future self that says, “Remember what younger Quentin would’ve wanted.”
Gabe: well, obviously, our hopes and prayers will be with Quentin Tarantino in 10 to 15 years after he finishes three more movies
Gabe: that he finds his way
Gabe: i hope some other people read what he has said
Gabe: and think about their own futures

Kelly: Uh-oh! Are you sick?!?!
Kelly: I will keep both you and Quentin in my prayers.
Gabe: sorry, something just went down the wrong pipe
Kelly: Oh phew
Gabe: you know how you have different pipes?
Gabe: and some of them are the right pipes and some of them are the wrong pipes?
Kelly: Yeah there are 2 pipes one’s for food and one’s for liquid.
Kelly: doyoyoy
Gabe: doubt it
Kelly: Hahah wait is that how you went to school?
Gabe: no, this is×426.jpg
Kelly: OH SHIT!
Gabe: and this is how you went
Kelly: :( :( :( THAT IS PRIVATE!!
Gabe: see? different.
Kelly: :( You’re right.
Gabe: have you ever thought about it?
Kelly: Retiring?
Gabe: early retirement?
Kelly: Well I have to tell you, Gabe, that I have a feeling that no matter how I respond it is only going to end in you firing me.
Gabe: kelly, please
Gabe: you and i both know
Gabe: that you could save yourself a lot of embarassment
Gabe: by simply offering your resignation
Gabe: which i would gladly accept
Gabe: don’t you want to enjoy more time with your family?
Gabe: take up a hobby!
Kelly: I guess more time with my family would be nice, yeah.
Gabe: like “learning how to blog and not get fired”
Kelly: :( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gabe: or “knitting a new job”
Gabe: i’m jealous
Kelly: You should be jealous!
Gabe: it’s good to know when to get fired when you’re ahead

Comments (31)
  1. He doesn’t want to be in the public eye when he’s senile and talking to a chair.

  2. So the question is what will be Tarantino’s Kingdom Come?

  3. “Listen guys, I don’t want to retire, but it’s not like feet are going to stare longingly at themselves.

  4. I want a pool in the shape of bruce willis’ dick!

  5. I have made a commemorative Blingee in preparation for his retirement, whenever it may come.

  6. All the things turning 20 this year just make me feel old…

  7. I hope he doesn’t retire from ogling Uma Thurman’s feet

  8. “I just feel like I’ve said everything Ringo Lam had to say.”

  9. his final film will be called Quentin Tarantino’s Eyes Wide Shut Once Upon a Time on A Prairie Home Companion. That or Fuck Saw.

  10. You guyz, you know that “retirement” just means he’s going to start directing movies about board games and Hasbro toys.

  11. It’s important to note that he’s making a German ’3′ with his fingers in the above picture, not a half-hearted peace sign.

  12. I am honestly not sure whether I am more shocked that Reservoir Dogs is 20 years old or that I watched Reservoir Dogs when I was 10. That might explain a lot (namely me penchant for cutting off peoples ears and splashing the wound with gasoline.)

  13. Can someone ask hm about his two movie universes again? I want to hear die-hard tarantino-heads gush over that ol’ chestnut some more.

  14. Tarantino fanfic: would he be team Buffy+Angel 4eva or team Spuffy?

  15. I thought he retired years ago.I never see him at the video store anymore.

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