gwyneth1

Gwyneth Paltrow is the new face of Max Factor. Sure! Good for her. They say a woman can’t have it all in this world, but Gwyneth Paltrow is in Iron Man 3 and her son knows how to make his own espresso! Anyway, Max Factor is really crowing about their knew spokesperson, which seems a little bit backwards, but they have proclaimed that there are “seven sides to Gwyneth Paltrow” and are slowly teasing out what they are. You sure, Max Factor? Just seven? I know “Sink Recommender” is one of them, and “Spain Liker” is another, but what are the other five?! Well, one of them, according to Max Factor, is “writer.” HAHAHAHAH. Yeah! I know! For sure! And here is Gwyneth herself describing what her “writer” side is all about:

“The writer persona is me going into town for a lunch or into London for a meeting or going to a friend’s house for dinner. Or me when I’m most myself, doing something creative, having a look that says, confidence, creativity but still very much who I am.”

So, when Gwyneth Paltrow has her “writer hat” on ($4,500) she is either eating lunch or maybe she is eating dinner. YOU NEVER KNOW! It could be lunch or dinner. These writer types, so unpredictable. Sometimes, when she is not eating, I guess in the afternoon between her writer’s lunch and her writer’s dinner (although do not forget about her meeting, which is another thing writers love doing, is going to and having meetings) she will just be alone, at which point being a writer is about having a look that says “confidence.” What a great writer! Maybe the best writer in the whole world? Hard to say. (Via Celebitchy)

Comments (36)
  1. Remember when I was like “That human centipede tattoo is the worst!”

    That was premature.

  2. “Or me when I’m most myself, doing something creative, having a look that says, confidence, creativity but still very much who I am.”

    Well, it doesn’t say she’s a good writer…

  3. It took me 5 minutes to type this comment because I was trying to find the right eyeliner.

  4. so my writer persona – the one that sits in front of a computer for hours on end wondering what it’s doing with it’s life should just go for a walk?

  5. “The writer persona is me going into town for a lunch or into London for a meeting or going to a friend’s house for dinner while my assistants slave over the next Goop mailing. Or me when I’m most myself being the worst, doing something self-centered creative, having a look that says, i am the worst confidence, creativity but still very much who I am [the worst].”

  6. She’s only putting the Press hat on because she thinks it’s short for “Empress.”

  7. I always feel my most writerly when I’m just not even writing anything at all, and am instead enjoying fun times and great, expensive food with all my closest loved ones, which love me no matter much. I have so much to write about, and these great times and good, easy, glamorous lifestyle really inspire me to write, sometimes, when I have a spare minute, like a blackberry email to my assistant.

    • “Which love me no matter much?” GOOD GOD. I must not have done a good enough job choosing my eyeshadow to play up the green in my eyes this morning.

  8. “The writer persona is me going into town for a lunch or into London for a meeting or going to a friend’s house for dinner. Or me when I’m most myself, doing something creative, having a look that says, confidence, creativity but still very much who I am.”

    I am for reals jealous after reading this. She has lunch! AND dinner! AND FRIENDS. I do well if the feral racoons in the park don’t threaten my for my found animal crackers.

    But for real imagine the expensive sandwiches Gwynneth can afford. They probably have Gruyere or some shit.

  9. Also: Britney Spears is writing a novel?
    Is writing the new having a baby or something?

  10. I hope Max Factor draws inspiration from our “fan art” for their advertising campaign.

  11. Seven Sides to Gwyneth Paltrow is only a good marketing campaign if it’s directed by David Fincher and her head ends up in a box and you call it “Se7en Sides of Gwyneth Paltrow.”

  12. Having an interesting life and famous friends doesn’t make you a writer. It probably makes you feel like a writer, though, if you are a certain type of person.

  13. “The writer persona is me going into town for a lunch or into [American City] for a meeting or going to a friend’s house for dinner. Or me when I’m most myself, doing something creative, having a look that says, confidence, creativity but still very much who I am.”

    -Sarah Palin, probably

  14. It was a fine day, filled with sun. Warm. Perfect for my artisanal flip-flops. I headed into town for lunch. A good lunch at Jamie Oliver’s new place.

    • I was expecting to see this image following your quote:

    • Towering over them all is Gwyneth Paltrow and she is wearing a Chinti & Parker pocket patch striped sweater ($485), her small feet lively in Gold Wing Tip Brogues from Esquivel ($750) and bowing to Chris Martin, tall and pale like the aliens in the last Indiana Jones movie. She never sleeps, she says. She says she’ll never die. She goes to Spain and saves someone from 9/11 and throws back her head and laughs deep in her throat and she is a great favorite, Gwyneth Paltrow. She wafts her head and the Carolina Bucci hoop earrings ($795) pass palely under the lamps and she swings about and names her children after her favorite Bible Things and will not feed them Cup-a-Soup ($1) and she is a great favorite. She never sleeps. She says that she will never die.

    • i walked into the track with the Carters, William Joel, and the bitch he picked up at the diner the night before. We towered like kings over the rats and ants feeding on the waste in the parking lot. i had been awake for days. Looking over at Mr. & Mrs. Carter in their almost-matching Valtentino T-Shirts [$695] I realized I was supposed to send out ‘Goop’. At least, if it was in fact a Tuesday. There are worse things than being alone. A Tuesday with out a ‘Goop’ must be one of them.

  15. To be fair, she did pen one of the enduring lines of our generation, as seen in the photo above. Those activities she described are what a writer does with all of their royalty money. Also, in this scenario, Gwyneth Paltrow thinks they are only called “royalties” for her because she’s special and lives in a castle (AKA lorry), probably.

  16. They should have directed that question to Gwyneth’s ghost writer persona.

  17. I wish she would write herself off! GET IT!? BARF GWYNNIE!

  18. Gabe wrote “knew spokesperson” when he meant “new” so who is the worse writer now???

  19. I went into town and got a sandwich, which I am eating RIGHT NOW as I am writing this. So I understand where she’s coming from…

    It’s an rustic French roll with organic garlic-infused aoli, vegan salami and a series of locally picked organic vegetables. It came with a vegan pea soup and home made kettle chips — both also local and organic. I paired it with a Diet Coke as it is only 2:36 p.m. here… but later I may meet up with friends for cocktails and laughter.

    And really, that is what writing is about. Delicious sandwiches.

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