I love when celebs get so deep into the public persona that they have created that they are forced to pretend like they are going to seduce and then raw-dog a 60-year-old snake perfume saleswoman just because that is how they do. “That’ll work.” Will it, 50 Cent? “Oooh, girl, you smell like a sad scam.” Remember when 50 Cent used to brag about being shot nine times? Very gully. This whole thing is almost too gully. Also worth mentioning that in his movie Get Rich or Die Tryin’ there is a villain with a SWORD CANE. I know we’re losing the thread here, but mostly it’s just because my brain broke when QVC told me that 50 Cent’s purple headphones were on SALE for $250. We should all go back to the drawing board and start from scratch. (Via Uproxx.)

Comments (28)
  1. “FIRST!!!!”–Ice T

  2. Shopping networks are so ridiculously depressing for so many reasons.

    • Unless you are in the market for tanzinite…

      • This joke is only funny to people who watch the super off-brand shopping networks at 2 or 3 a.m. like me. So basically me and maybe my dad when he was recovering from surgery.

        Also every Christmas Eve, QVC sells many MANY knives — actually some giant sword canes — on super sales that you cannot afford to pass up. It has been a family tradition to watch this since the early 2000s because of the hard push on hundreds of knives and the testimonies from people who bought said knives in earlier promotions, care enough about their hundreds and hundreds of knives to say they’re great on national TV on Christmas Eve… Seriously, everyone watch this knife show. It is so weird and so creepy and so funny (especially if you are drunk on holiday cheer).

      • Tanzanite is ridiculously depressing in any context. It’s as bad as blood diamonds.

  3. Not bad but I live for the mess that was Mariah Carey on QVC.

  4. I think what I loved the most was that right at the start of this article I thought to myself, “50 Cent. Rapper. He got shot a bunch. Claim to fame. How many times was 50 Cent shot? Wasn’t it like 9 ti-” and then the answer was right there in Gabe’s write-up.

    Also, this is very sad.

  5. let me take you to my online shop….buy shit because you just can’t stop…

  6. I’m really glad that Gabe brought up the shot 9 times thing. I dated this guy who would make me listen to 50 Cent’s album (maybe the first one, maybe the second?) and I would call it “boring” and “terrible” and “not very good in general but especially lazy in lieu of other music of the rapping variety.” And then he’d tell me 50 Cent was shot 9 times, to which I would ask why and how that was relevant to his poor rapping skills and he’d just repeat, “he was shot 9 times!” So, eventually, I asked if he was shot because he was so bad at making rap music.

    The guy is really really really low energy… so the fact that he makes rap music and tries to hype products on QVC is endlessly entertaining to me, especially when the only explanation I have ever received for why he is famous is that he was shot 9 times.

  7. Would somebody please define “raw-dog”? I’m pretty sure a “define raw-dog” google search would violate my ISP’s Acceptable Use Policy.

  8. “And wait ’til I chat with you on all the same people that you and I know together.” This is my preferred method of name-dropping too.

  9. Did I ever tell you guys I own a copy of the Gun dvd? This is the 50 cents movie also starring fat Val Kilmer

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