Be careful out there, you guys! In this local news report from NBC5 in whatever city, the latest crime wave in which dudes at gas stations offer to sell iPads at greatly reduced but surprisingly not that reduced prices that then turn out to actually be mirrors wrapped up in Best Buy circulars and duct tape are ruining Christmas for everyone! Before we even get to the video, let me please just make this very clear: if a dude comes up to you at a GAS STATION and asks “Do you want to buy an iPad?” you can say yes in the general sense if that is the truth, but don’t buy HIS iPad because he is just a dude at a gas station and that is not how we do things, y’all! (One thing that is weirdly never mentioned in this NEWS STORY is the fact that even if this woman did buy a real iPad from a dude at a gas station at a greatly reduced but surprisingly not that reduced price and it was NOT a mirror wrapped up in a Best Buy circular and duct tape, that is still some shady shit and almost certainly involves a couple of different crimes. The mirror thing is funny and a bummer for her, but that is, like, the 190th problem with this whole thing.) Obviously, our thoughts and prayers are with the victim and her mother and her sister and their Hyundai during this difficult time.

Why does everyone keep saying that this “sounds too good to be true”?! Does it? Does it sound too good to be true? That a random stranger would approach you in a gas station and offer to sell you an iPad out of the trunk of his car? “ARE YOU SURE, MISTER? BECAUSE I DON’T REMEMBER DOING ANY GOOD DEEDS THAT WOULD REQUIRE GOD TO BLESS ME WITH THIS INCREDIBLE GIFT!” That is like describing a Nigerian scam email as being “too good to be true.” It doesn’t sound that good! I don’t know any princes or orphans and I am not in the habit of wiring thousands of dollars to foreign countries to kick off a transactional relationship! (Although I am always fascinated by stories of the people who actually get sucked into those things. Like, who sends their “boyfriend” that they’ve never met $25,000 to “buy dynamite”?) Too good to be true is, like, your boss walks in and says that they have decided to double your salary as long as you stop coming into the office and doing any work. THAT sounds too good to be true, but at least you KNOW THE FUCKING DUDE and HAVE HIS CONTACT INFORMATION. Oh well, I guess you can sort of see how this lady got suckered since the iPad was in its original FED EX BOX STUFFED WITH NEWSPAPERS! Ahhhhhh! Hahhahaha! This story! This lady! Your girlfriend! LOL! (Via Dlisted.)

Tags: , , ,  
Comments (37)
  1. Also, used 1st gen. iPads are about $200 on eBay, and less likely to be stolen? And they are still totally unnecessary luxury items? Have we learned nothing from decades of buying HiFi equipment that doesn’t work out of vans?

  2. What they left out was that the guy in the parking lot was James Franco and this was just his latest piece of artwork.

  3. To be fair, it’s easy to be taken when they guy selling the iPad looks as good as the police sketch based on her description implies:

  4. I bought an iPod Touch that turned out to be a Hot Pocket so I know how she feels.

    • Casing full of Apple parts, or casing full of delicious processed foodstuffs? I’d say you won out in that scenario (expecially if the Hot Pocket was meatball & mozzarella).

  5. Pretty sure her glasses are fake too.

    • I like how she says she looked at the back and it “looks just like an Apple iPad,” which are, as we all know, covered in duct tape. And yeah, her glasses are totally fake.

    • poor jalonta freeman. when that man approached her at the gas station offering to sell her new glasses at a bargain price, it almost seemed too good to be true. “you don’t even know my prescription!” she said, but the man assured her that she had nothing to worry about. and when the glasses turned out not to be actual corrective lenses but disney real-d 3d glasses instead, well, she was too proud–too HURT–to take them off.

    • It’s so frickin weird how you can tell fake glasses.

    • Jon Boriss  |   Posted on Nov 12th, 2012 0

      They look like the Real D 3D glasses you get at the movie theatre with the lenses taken out.

  6. Damn it, if I’d known a new version was coming out I wouldn’t have bought that iPad mini.

  7. At least her purchase can help her take a good look at herself and her choices.

  8. I’m more in the market for a haunted toaster. Anyone have any tips?

  9. I love that the guy who wanted the money for dynamite used the screen name “honestman.” Thinking of changing my name to “definitelynotgonnaripyouoff,” maybe I’ll get a better response.

  10. What a patsy, she didn’t give two nickels when she thought he stole from another rube. Serves her right for trying to buy bent doohickeys.

  11. Some gas stations have freelancers who will squeegee your windshield for you, for a small fee. I never really avail myself. Something about it is too exactly the right amount of good to be true.

    Once I was squeegeeing and the owner of the station came out and told me I was doing it wrong. I thought it was a gag but then it turned out he was massively, massively OCD. He handed me a paper towel and told me if I was serious about doing the best job possible, I had to wipe the squeegee blade dry after every pass. I did that while he watched anxiously, and he was right. No streaks!

    But ever since then, I have not been serious about doing the best job possible.

    • I know I have posted this before, but I love your stories. Sometimes I like to think that maybe I have had these kinds of stories, but simply have forgotten them now rather than never having had them at all.

      • Of course you’re joking. I remember very clearly you were in the car, in the passenger seat, watching me get coached at that gas station. You were wearing your red hat with the ears, and we’d just come from Casabacon (the Moroccan-Canadian fusion restaurant). We were on our way to a double feature, Aguirre and Them!. It was all right before you went on that vacation where you got hit on the head by the coconut. I’m sure you remember!

  12. How do I know that the ad on the side of this page for a “free iPad mini” isn’t just a free mirror mini?? This story has ruined my innocence, now I am suspicious of everything.

  13. She should’ve opted for the laptop.

  14. She should’ve opted for the laptop.

  15. What colour is “Fake iPad Warning” on the terror scale? Silver?

  16. She should’ve opted for the laptop.

  17. These people are so stupid, but for real guys I can get you a great deal on electronics. Just put the money in my PayPal account and your iPad will be in the mail. Trust me, these deals are great.

  18. They didn’t even open the box until they bought it?!?!

    For once, my utter lack of sympathy for idiots isn’t making me feel like a terrible person.

  19. If Jalonta was a Vice reader, then she’d have had one leg up on this guy.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.