Today is Ryan Gosling’s 32nd birthday, but unfortunately what is meant to be one of the happiest days of the young actor’s year, a day where he can visit Disneyland in peace without wasting any energy on the normal stressors of the day-to-day, has become shrouded in this newly-revealed scandal. From Celebitchy:

Although a little Ryan Gosling rolled up in a spicy pita bread would surely taste yummy, the Canadian actor is reportedly slipping off the menu at the Beverly Hills restaurant he co-owns called Tagine. The 32-year-old actor seems to have basically vanished from the Moroccan restaurant he’s been listed as co-owner of since about 2008 and apparently hasn’t been there in months. Gosling bought the eatery — and even renovated it by hand — during the middle an existential crisis period between 2007 and 2010 in which he stopped acting.

According to Gosling, he liked chilling in the smoky, exotic atmosphere and eating the delicious dishes created by chef Abdessamad “Ben” Benameur so much, he became an investor. But perhaps like his band, Dead Man’s Bones, the restaurant was just a passing fancy.

The reported absence of Gosling is, of course, is a big disappointment to fans who pay about $100 per person (with wine) to dine at Tagine. “It’s still always all over the Internet that Ryan Gosling is here since he owns it, so we came and thought we’d get to see him,” reports Mary Giaimo, a Vancouver resident who was visiting the city with her daughter and ate at Tagine in hopes of spotting the heartthrob. “But we got to talking with the waiter and he told us Ryan hasn’t been around in months.”

Months. 100 dollars per person with wine. Existential crisis period. Smoky, exotic atmosphere. While those words will no doubt reverberate in Gosling’s consciousness for years to come — roughly the amount of time it will take for his fans, CERTAIN they would see the famous co-owner of a restaurant on any given night at that restaurant, to forgive him, he can at least take a few minutes out of today to celebrate the moments in his 32 years when he didn’t completely fuck over the people who care about him enough to spend 100 dollars for dinner with wine at his restaurant, asking only for a gawk or two at his banging body. Please enjoy the happy birthday video below, Ryan Gosling.

You’re welcome, Ryan Gosling. But are we?

Comments (21)
  1. Although a little Ryan Gosling rolled up in a spicy pita bread would surely taste yummy, the Canadian actor is reportedly slipping off the menu at the Beverly Hills restaurant he co-owns called Tagine.

    Honestly, I am far more concerned about the implied conspiracy to cannibalize Ryan Gosling. No wonder he gives the restaurant a wide berth with people trying to eat him all the time.

    • They should just name a dish for him and be done with it. Because he would never have to come into the restaurant again AND because he is such a dish amirightladies!

  2. The internet should always have up-to-the-minute information about how many hours per week Ryan Gosling is at the restaurant he invested money in. A schedule of his hosting shifts would be best.

  3. The Giamos only spent so much because they wanted to have the full Gosling experience, and therefore ordered the fois gras.

    • But! Foie gras is now banned in California, so they were denied yet again. Poor Giamos. At least as Canadians they don’t feel the pain of having a heathen race-baiting gay president.

  4. Ryan Gosling is quite fetching.

  5. I just thought of a Videogum Everywhere mission.

    On an unrelated note, anybody know when Kelly’s birthday is? Asking for a friend.

    • Videogum Everywhere mission #17:
      Step 1: Go out for dinner to a restaurant we like. In order to stay on theme, it is preferable that the restaurant be nice (treat yo’self!) and possibly a little bit exotic,compared to what we’d cook for ourselves at home (Ethiopian? Chilean?).
      Step 2: At the restaurant, enjoy your meal. Be nice to your waitstaff. Tip well.
      Step 3: On the off chance you see someone famous, leave them alone to enjoy their meal.

  6. Is the fact that it is 100 bucks per person supposed to shocking? Are we supposed to be stunned that someone would go to a restaurant, drop 100 bucks, and NOT meet a celebrity? Because you can get to 100 bucks pretty quickly if you go to a restaurant that wears fancy pants.

    • True story: I live in Los Angeles, and when a friend of mine here got married, she invited a bunch of Alabama friends. Various LA friends put up the AL friends, some of whom had never left Alabama before, unless Orlando and Georgia and New Orleans count (probably not). The point is, we in LA were then treated to a LITANY of complaints about the price of everything. Laughable complaints. One of my favorites was about a diner the Alabamans tried.

      “We just wanted omelets and guess how much they cost. EIGHT DOLLARS. That is INSANE!”–people from Alabama

      “Hahaha! That IS insane! Tell us where that diner is, we will eat there every day!”–people in LA

      So maybe if you are from Alabama, $100 is lunacy? But those Alabamans would have been whistling a happy tune if that $8 omelet had come with a side of, say — Steve Buscemi!

      • Oops, in the interests of historical accuraracy: they were Mississippi friends, not Alabama. That may be an important distinction. Everyone I know from Alabama I really like. Whereas the people I met from Mississippi (exactly 2 people, 7 years ago) are still spoken of as “Cheap Jan” and “Cheap Derek.” Hahaha, Mississippi, those omelets were AFFORDABLE!

  7. #1 off menu item @ Tagine

  8. By saying he “renovated it by hand,” they mean he was tangentially involved in the decision to hire a crew to renovate it, right?

  9. I keep starting fights and Ryan Gosling NEVER steps in to break them up. Thanks for nothing!

  10. But was the food any good?

    • Not to be all LA Dude, but, Tagine is my fave restaurant in the city for a Fancy Meal. It’s walking distance from my apartment and the first time I went, the service was super slow, and next time I came back Ben REMEMBERED ME and comped the whole several-hundred-dollar meal??? Best sangria I’ve ever had, some of the best hummus. Super A+.

  11. I am not even Ryan Gosling and I want to run and hide after reading that stupid article.
    That’s it, Celebitchy. First you oppress Jennifer Westfeldt with the patriarchy, now you try to shame Ryan Gosling for not being a performing monkey for his creepy “fans.” You’re on my list.

    • Mine too. Right up there with the asshole who called me sweetheart and told me I’d be prettier if I smiled more.

      • I can one-up that: I was once told to smile by a professor. I reported him to the dean (for other reasons, but that incident added to my vindictive ire).

        • Gosh, girls, do you know how much harder everyone’s days are if you aren’t smiling and looking pretty? I mean, dammit, if you aren’t smiling for us, we might have to consider your actual well-being and emotional state, or, god-forbid, just not care and leave you be.

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