How was everyone’s weekend? I mean, besides A HORRIBLE CRUSHING NIGHTMARE SPENT IN A FOUR-DAY LINE FULL OF HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNISTS OUTSIDE OF THE WELFARE FACTORY WAITING FOR THEIR FREE MARIJUANA RATIONS? I know that the election wasn’t that long ago, but also it kind of was. The above tweet was posted yesterday, along with a bunch of things about how things were getting so dark and bleak that Victoria Jackson was going to seek refuge in God. Sure, fair enough. But also how dark and bleak did they get? In those six days?! Does she even know that Obama would still be president today even if Romney had won the election because the transfer of power isn’t complete until the inauguration in January? At the end of a presidential election, the two dudes don’t just shake hands and then hand off the keys to the White House, Victoria Jackson, you silly monster. (Seriously, though, what a disgusting, racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, hate-filled monster.) Trump was also going on and on for days and days, welcoming people to “Obama’s America” as if we were not already living there, although he seems to have gotten momentarily distracted by the Petraeus scandal and also one of his golf courses got a nice review in a golf magazine, and that seems to bring him some joy, NO THANKS TO BARACK OBAMA. Good luck, crazies. It will be interesting to see how long you can keep this up in the face of no dramatic change in our country’s governance or global position. Stay hydrated. Take micro-naps. Hang tough.

Comments (36)
  1. is breitbart john galt? i never got that part

  2. Why do none of these tweets address the fact that we went through the entire election without finding out what pizza toppings the candidates prefer?! Now we’re reduced to making assumptions based on their political standings (caviar for Romney, anything organic for Obama).

  3. Like that guy from Las Vegas who supposedly fired 22 people the day after the election.

    Do people seriously believe that whoever wins the election gets to go into office the next day and start passing whatever legislature they like?

    Here’s the story about the Vegas dude:

  4. Are we doing this so early in the week? If so, my weekend was great! I had friends over for boardgames on Saturday and it was so much fun! And then I went on a date yesterday and I almost cancelled because I’m not sure if I want to start dating again yet but I’m so glad I went! He is 6’5 and looks like Clark Kent and is really sweet and funny. It was nice out so we got coffees to go and walked around the city for 4 hours and we smooched a bit and I’m seeing him again tomorrow!

    • Which Clark Kent? Dean Cain?

      • The cartoon Clark Kent. In other words, he’s a handsome man with a fantastic jawline, great hair and thick framed glasses. He’s been sending me corny texts all day and confessed that he watches Gossip Girl because he loves how mean they are to each other. It’s too early to know for sure that he isn’t a serial murderer, married, or a married serial murderer, but holy smokes you guys this one is pretty GD perfect.

        • He sounds like a keeper! I would recommend asking who his favorite Gossip Girl characters are though, just as a precautionary measure. You don’t want to be stuck with a Vanessa fan. Once I went out with a guy who was a Gilmore Girls fan which seemed great until I found out that he like DEAN of all people.

          • To be honest, I made my now husband watch an episode of MST3k with me. If he didn’t think it was funny, it meant that we were just too different.

    • WAIT was this the guy from the metro?

  5. Cool, cool. So, what’s Jan Hooks up to?

  6. Who do you think the haunted toaster would vote for? Romney, right? #satanlives

  7. I feel her pain, but I’m dealing with it a little differently. Things are getting so dark and bleak that I’m going to seek refuge in the haunted toaster.

  8. It’s like reading one of American Patriot’s posts.

  9. The answer to that question would be: yes, definitily

  10. I had a pretty good weekend! On Friday morning, my boss came over and told me that I had “an appointment” that I had to leave for at 2:00pm that day. He’s the best. Really started the weekend off right.

    Hey, did anyone watch “The Pickup Artist” back when it was on VH1? A group of my friends and I watched it when it was on because it was SO terrible, but SO good too. Anyway, we started talking about it on Friday night while we were out having drinks and we were laughing and having the best time recounting it. Brought back some really great memories. Pretty funny that we were bonding over that terrible show and its cast of ridiculous characters, but it was a really great moment.

  11. More like Victoria Jerkson!

  12. I just educated myself on Victoria Jackson, not realizing she was an SNL alumna, and insanely homophobic/idiotic in her views of the world. She should use the Bon Iver method of holing up in a cabin for several months after a “sad” incident, maybe it will make her less intolerable.

    Probably not.

  13. I have also read so many stories about people signing petitions for the right to secede (expected answer: nope!). Ugh people. Ugh me, for reading.

    Also: my weekend was fine. As you might recall, MN voters rejected an amendment to make gay marriage super illegal, so I spent the weekend of course gay marrying people against their hetero wills and making children watch public television to indoctrinate them into communist socialist drones. Then I desecrated hallowed ground and fed Christians to the lions. I met up with some friends for a light brunch, followed by setting up the forced abortion mills. You know, the usual.

  14. My weekend was not so great. The first part was good. My mom and I went to local shops and bought necessities for family devastated by the hurricane. You know, undies, socks, toiletries, and cleaning supplies.Then my mom offered me a brownie and I had a allergic reaction to it I think, and I was crummy the rest of Saturday. I procrastinated and got absolutely no homework done over the weekend. Then the sight of Daryl from The Walking Dead cradling and soothing Rick’s (illegitimate?) child made me swoon and exacerbated my unrequited pining for him.

    For the first part of this morning, I was stuck at work by myself with my boss and every 2 minutes my boss would pop by my desk and say things no self-respecting normal person would ever say out loud. Like today my boss implied that the only damage left from Sandy is a blackout in Long Island. I almost flipped my lid. Last week was worse.

    Right now my co-worker is forcing me to donate (e.g. lug for her) 100-200 paper and plastic cups.

    The Lord is testing my patience, not very unlike the possessed toaster lady.

  15. Victoria Jackson is all wet, she should dry up and beat it.

  16. My weekend was super! My fiance and I had our families over to meet each other for mostly the first time. Parents, brothers, sisters, and their spouses and kids. It was really stressful but everyone got along and our fathers got to bond over how much they don’t like Obama. We also got them to help us move a couch. Pretty great day all around!

  17. I am on an airplane and my hair is filled with static and my knees keep hitting the seat and I’m really anxious and ahhh!! Do your job, Klonapin!!

  18. My weekend was pretty good. It was my birthday so I had a nice dinner with my family. We cooked s’mores over a can of sterno! The most graphic image from Victoria Jackson’s crazy tweets for me was when she let it slip that she’s had dogs for 10 years that cannot be housebroken. So now I’ll always imagine her tweeting from a desktop computer with a huge CRT monitor in a house covered in poop and pee.

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