Whoa, there are so many trailers this week! Literally too many. I cannot even deal with how many of them there are. You will see. By the 10th one I am just like, “this is a trailer.” Are they all good? Nope! But there are a couple in there you might like. Everyone has their tastes. Let’s see what’s what now:

Word War Z

When the world is covered in water and the alien race comes to sift through our rubble, they will stumble up on the 2009-2014 time capsule and they will wonder what everyone’s seemingly bottomless obsession with zombies and vampires was, and no one will be around to tell them. Oh well. We died doing what we loved: watching nothing but zombie and vampire movies/TV shows/everything.

The Last Stand

Whatever. Are people really supposed to be able to tell any of these movies apart anymore? Schwarzenegger. Big guns. Sure. 2014? I don’t know.

Warm Bodies

Personally, and this is just me, but I’m kind of at my limit with meta-ironic takes on genre tropes. I’m much more interested in seeing a movie about zombies than a movie about zombie movies. (See also: movies about superheroes rather than movies about movies about superheroes. And cetra, and cetra.) This looks totally cute and clever, I just, you know, am, like, totes over it. It doesn’t help that I’m also just over zombies in general (see above).

The Grandmasters

This is the second trailer for this movie, and while I continue to contend that Wong Kar Wai biffed it in a major way on Blueberry Nights, I also contend that a Wong Kar Wai martial arts movie is probably going to be very dope.

Les Misérables

I am not watching this because I am an adult man with no interest in it, but you should watch it if you want to! Also Michelle Collins wrote a blog about it that is funny.

UFO

Hey, who are we to say that England isn’t allowed to have a movie about UFOs?! Congrats, England! You did it!

Back To 1942

BOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG! HHAHAHHAHAH boororororirririririinnnnnnnnnng i m so boororrrrrrrred! IF I WANTED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, I WOULD CALL RODNEY DANGERFIELD.

Jurassic Park 3D

Yes. Finally a trailer for US! Take notes, all the other trailers.

Comments (44)
  1. It’s nearly charming how spectacularly everyone involved with World War Z has managed to fuck it up.

  2. I will watch these when I go home for lunch. That being said, that pile of zombies in the image for World War Z is UH-DUMB. Starship Trooper bugs can coordinate and trample over each other to get over a wall, zombies probably cannot. (I say probably, because just like time travel, it is impossible to prove that zombies can’t do that because they are not real, and it can only make sense in context to the rules set up in the film, and whether the behavior is believable in its consistency). That being said, I’m sure there will be scenes in that film where zombies are stopped by fences and don’t construct a zombie ladder for other zombies to hop over to get to those sweet, sweet brains, so in conclusion, UH-DUMB.

    • I think you mean “UH-BWAAAAAAAAHHMM”.

    • I like the idea of zombies acting as a virus en masse, but yeah it looks amusingly awful.

      Sticking to my original joke of wishing this was a Ken Burn’s documentary.

      • I watched the trailer, and yeah, the tornado-churn of zombies trampling over each other is an interesting effect, and I can now see why they thought, “Let’s have them smash up against a high wall and build up over themselves like army ants!”

        It actually reminds me of a really cool 4-issue comic book run of Klarion the Witch Boy written by Grant Morrison with AMAZING art by Frazer Irving, where Klarion is in the deep, old subway tunnels under New York, where I creature called Leviathan lurks, which turns out to be a hive mind comprised of mud-caked, malnourished, guttersnipe children all swirling around each other like the WWZ zombies were in this trailer. MUCH cooler, imo.

  3. Nicholas Hoult is a great actor just kidding, I’ll definitely go see any movie he’s in still just kidding.

    • Boooo Warm Bodies, is what I’m saying.

    • I am jealous that he is dating Jennifer Lawrence, not kidding

      • Child actors are always so hard to judge. He seemed pretty good in About a Boy, but when he returned to the screen a few years later, all grown up, and still had the exact same mannerisms and stunted-10-year-old delivery, it became very obvious how little acting was actually involved in that performance.

    • He’s also playing someone named ‘Nux’ in Mad Max: Fury Road, ALSO starring Tom Hardy as the titular hero, and Charluize Theron as the (I’m assuming ill-tempered) Furiosa.

      I like talking about Mad Max: Fury Road, because I like the two leads, and I have NO idea if it will be good or a total shitfest. THE POSSIBILITIES!

    • I have a soft spot for him because I really loved the first two series of Skins, even though I kind of hated him on it? Weird how that works.

      Also, I’ve never seen About a Boy, so I know him not as a kid but as a sort of sociopathic oversexed hedonistic teenager.

  4. Hey, it’s Nicholas Hoult from About a Boy! Does anyone else love that movie?

  5. Rotten Tomatoes predictions:

    World War Z 78%
    The Last Stand 42%
    Warm Bodies 62%
    The Grandmasters 84%
    Les Misérables 62% during theater run, 32% after DVD release after being shown at middle schools ad nauseum.
    UFO 58%
    Back to 1942 72%
    Jurrasic Park 3D 92%

  6. Warm Bodies has the kind of concept that sounds great until you think about for more than two seconds. That’s to say, the best kind of concept.

    • Movie Executive #1: Sexy vampire?
      Movie Executive # 2: check
      Movie Executive # 1: sexy werewolf?
      Movie Executive # 2:check
      Movie Executive #1: sexy post-apocalyptic warrior?
      Movie Executive #2 : check
      Movie Executive #1: Sexy …zombie…¯\_(ツ)_/¯?
      Movie Executive #2: …BINGO!
      Movie Executive #1: o/
      Movie Executive #2 \o

  7. In re: The Grandmasters — Is Tony Leung the hero? Is Tony Leung the villain? It doesn’t really matter. I’ve been watching Tony Leung films for years, and seen his characters perform horrible acts (collaborate with the Japanese during WWII! Disfigure a man with a ketchup bottle!) and still my only thought, base as it might be, is that I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

    • I don’t care! Tony Leung is the (whatever your heart desires) and this movie looks phenomonally pretty.

    • Yep, Tony Leung is great. Also, if anyone’s interested in watching a Wong Kar Wai martial arts movie, you should track down Ashes of Time. It’s more of a wuxia movie than a martial arts movie – I guess it’s as much a martial arts movie as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is – and if you don’t find a version with good subtitles it’s difficult to follow what the f is going on, but it’s worth checking out. A very eccentric interpretation of the genre.

  8. I know it wasn’t a VG Movie Club assignment or anything, but did anyone see Wreck-It Ralph? If so, what’d you think?

    I thought it was fun, it looked great, the video game jokestream was ever-plentiful, and there was a little but of trudgery in the second act that was ultimately forgivable. I was in a theater full of parents and kids, and when Jane Lynch’s character calls everybody a bunch of ‘pussy-willows,’ I felt the entire parental audience get prickly as they wrapped their heads around it.

    A little hole in the theory of the premise though is that in video games there is a thing called a Game Over, where the game’s villain beats the player. Are we to believe that Wreck-It Ralph is SO easy to beat that Ralph has never toppled Felix Jr.? COME ON NOW. Also, Alan Tudyk was great, because he is great.

    • I really liked it, John C. Reilly was perfectly cast, and the other casting was very good too. I really want to play Sugar Rush

    • Besides that pussy-willow thing, which felt out of place and ‘adult,’ most of the jokes were ok but leaned into slightly too kiddy territory, where I was like, ALRIGHT, OK, WE GET IT (repeated doody jokes, basically). Eh.

      • OH! Also, I’m sure we all know this, but many video games, franchises especially, to this day are steeped in racial caricatures and misogynistic wish fulfillment of adolescent male power fantasies, the latter usually realized in big-breasted women in revealing, skin-tight outfits.

        Jane Lynch’s character had some pretty big boobs, and Fix-It Felix Jr. was about at eye level with them, and then you have her spouting out lines about pussy-willows, and all sorts of things I personally thought was just fine, because Jane Lynch rules and her character was awesome, but in a kid’s film felt slightly out of place (only because of the crowd in the theater with me).

        Other than Jane Lynch, the Sugar Rush racer girls (who were all just fine, being 10 year-olds), and the female residents of the Wreck-It Ralph building, the only other female character I spotted was a blue-skinned Everquest dark elf type in Ralph’s Bad Guy Anonymous meeting, and she had the deepest cleavage in the WORLD, and you only ever saw her over her shoulder leaning back in a chair while Ralph was speaking.

        It was just interesting to me. The film was accurate in the ways of video games, while also including some of the more objectionable stuff and slyly tucking it into frame but never as the focal point (besides Jane Lynch’s character’s armored breasts).

        • I thought that use of the more ‘adult’ aspects of videos games was interesting as well, even though it was a bit fleeting (besides Jane Lynch’s character). I actually thought Sugar Rush was almost unrealistic about the hyper-masucline world of gaming, the more I thought about the movie. Like I can’t remember ever seeing a game that sounded so feminine yet still fun to play (ie it’s not about cooking or dancing or Barbie’s dream unicorn farm).

  9. I was already scrolling down from UFO when JCVD showed up, so that was exciting.

    Best part of all this is clearly…

    Tormented Brody: “It can’t be locusts.”
    Subtitle: “It can’t be fucking locusts.”

  10. LES MIZ LES MIZ LES MIZ. Sorry, I just really love Les Miz. Actually, no, I’m not sorry, I do not apologize for loving Les Miserables. When I saw this trailer yesterday I had to keep pausing it to keep my composure at work.

    • I am going on opening night in costume with my music nerd friends and we are singing along to every god damn song.*

      *This will probably not happen, but this is what we say to each other to give ourselves something to look forward to when work, or whatever, sucks. I will for sure definitely be seeing it in theatres though and will at least hum along to a couple of tunes.

  11. A couple things:

    1) Helena Bonham Carter being in Les Miserables should be the cover story in the next Duh Aficionado Magazine.

    2) If one more movie trailer (or commercial in general) uses the Black Keys I am going to go insane. I am already beyond being bored by that band because I feel like I hear 10 of their songs every time I watch a Seinfeld rerun on TBS. I am not against bands lettings companies use their songs in commercials in any way, and we all have to put food on our families etc etc, but goddamn the Black Keys have gone waaaaay past the saturation point with this shit. They are like the Peyton Manning of music in commercials.

    • And is that even the original recording? It sounds like a newer, cleaner, even more commercially palatable version. In other words, real rhythm and blues.

      I would like to hear them belt out the theme to Home Improvement, though.

    • Didn’t we establish that Helena can’t sing from Sweeney Todd? She brought that movie down a few notches.

  12. I will pay a lot of money to look at Jeff Goldblum’s sexy young 3D face.

  13. Does anyone remember “A simple wish” with mara wilson and martin short? Mara’s dad in the movie was in a Broadway production of A Tale of Two Cities. Everytime I see anything for Les Miz I just wish it was A Tale of Two Cities. Someone get on that (something tells me someone probably already has?)

  14. Guys! That Warm Bodies movie filmed in the parking lot of my office building. They built a military compound for one week in the spring. The autumn before, they constructed a metro station in the empty lot across the street. There were dozens of extras in the streets and there was the sound of gunfire while we were working in the office haha.

    I got to snooping around the set during lunch and after work sometimes, trying to stumble upon a celebrity. Most notably Dave Franco because UMMM have you ever seen Dave Franco? He is gorgeous. And so I thought I caught a glimpse of him, but couldn’t get a good view from any angle. So I went up the staircase on the side of the building and found a great spot. And then, all of a sudden, Dave Franco looked up and our eyes connected and I took this photo and we definitely got married and he’s here right now and it’s amazing isn’t it Dave.

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