Courtney Stodden doesn’t have a mom because she is not a human being. Scientists still aren’t sure what, exactly, she is, possibly the mutated supervirus from Michael Crichton’s Outbreak adapted into human form? But she has hired an actress who by all accounts appears to be a few years younger than herself to play her mother, and that woman would now like a reality television show of her own. Like, yeah, we know. From the HuffingtonPost (via TheSuperficial):

“I have been asked to do interviews all over the world, but wasn’t comfortable until I sat down with the ‘Couples Therapy’ lead therapist, Dr. Jenn Berman. After that, I felt great. The producers told me I was incredible, and [they] wished there had been more of me in the show,” says Krista. “Now there is talk about doing a momager reality show, and I’m very interested.”

This is a message to everyone out there: if you are ever in a conversation with someone–even if that conversation is OFF the record and NOT for public consumption–and you find yourself saying the sentence “the producers told me I was incredible” you are by law required to jump off a roof. It can be a low roof! You can pick the roof. But you have to jump. Otherwise how will you knock any sense into yourself?! This woman is great. How many gifts will she bestow upon America?! What can we do to give something back?! Look at the mother and daughter being so human and real in their French maid lingerie and their cake and they are a real family and the family’s middle name is “priorities.” (P.S. I will watch this momager show no joke I will watch every ep.)

Comments (26)
  1. Is Courtney smoking? What is even going on in this picture? (I mean, what’s going on besides gross negligence and a skewed sense of what is right and wrong?)

    • I think she is stealing steaming hot cake directly from her mom’s fork at an impossible angle. Just a normal day for Court, that sexy rascal!

  2. “Oh wow, you look like sisters!” – thing people say to me and my mom, but I don’t think they really mean it. Guys??

  3. The nice thing about this picture is that it really humanizes Courtney. Who among us hasn’t used that cake-eating move (on our first birthday)?

  4. Of course she’s the kind of person who thinks she looks sexy eating cake.

  5. I hope it’s an educational program teaching young parents how to raise a reality star. What are her secrets?? Other than sexual exploitation of your underage child and tips on how to circumvent age of consent and sexual trafficking laws of course. We know about those ones.

    • Seriously, fuck this woman. I can’t even make jokes about her. You encouraged your little girl to dress and behave like a porn star so you could sell her to a man three times her age to get around the fact that she couldn’t legally consent to blow him yet. And now that you’ve done that you want to cash in on it further by trying to sell yourself as a paragon of motherhood? Is that why she thinks everyone wants to interview her? For her parenting skills?

      • I was so overcome with absolute disgust that my mind was scrambled in 50 directions at all the possible things that could be said of this “mom”. Whew….thanks, I think you pretty much summed it up!

        I really want to claw out my brain at the thought of this green pond scum of a parental unit getting paid for the total smack job she did raising that “thing”.

  6. Someone should tell her that being brought in for questioning does not count as being “asked to do interviews all over the world.”

  7. i watched an episode of couples therapy because i live in small town u.s.a. again and sometimes my time management sucks ass. they asked her to dress modestly for the benefit of the other couples and she decided to leave (maybe she left? i didn’t really finish the episode because my eyes couldn’t take it). she argued that her clothing was an inspiration to her fans and that she’s saved the lives of real human beings by wearing it? methinks she is a sixteen year old, that’s why her logic is a fail. maybe? my head hurts.

  8. Honestly, I’m so relieved that *this* is what we can worry about again. Good job, America! Terrible job, Mom Stodden!

  9. Who is her father!?! Is it safe to assume he’s on a “Taken” style mission to rescue her from this sex (appeal?) trafficking!?!? I’m sure he’s kicking down doors and electrocuting evil agents and will come save her any…minute…now…

  10. I guess I’m out of the loop, but this is my introduction to the term ‘momager’. It has now officially taken the crown from ‘webinar’ as my least favorite portmanteau.

  11. Mom needs a make over

  12. As reality TV has progressed, I truly thought it had hit its zenith of bad taste years ago. Color me stupid….I never realized to what depths LOW can go.

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