I’m not going to lie to you or sugarcoat this, it’s slim pickings in the trailer department this week. That’s the way it goes sometimes! But you go to the movie trailers round-up post with the movie trailers you have not the movie trailers you want. But one thing is for sure: you have to go no matter what. So let’s go:


Quartet

The Best Exotic Marigold Opera. I support the trend of movies being made about old people. Their stories are funny and charming and interesting and touching and dumb and stuff, too!

John Dies At The End

This looks really weird and great. I want to see it. Am I the only person who liked Bubba Ho-Tep or did other people also like Bubba Ho-Tep? One of the great mysteries of our time.

Miss December

Yes, this movie looks like it was filmed on a Walk-Man in the late ’90s, but I am sure everyone who worked on it’s mom is very proud and has already bought five tickets to the premiere. Except Corbin Bernsen’s mom, she’s so over the Hollywood thing.

Bullet To The Head

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH SURE, GUYS! PUNCH EACH OTHER’S FACES OFF UNTIL YOU HAVE NO MORE FACES PLEASE THANKS!

Cruel Winter

This is not a real movie trailer and Cruel Winter is not a real movie. I don’t know what this is doing here.

Side Effects

I will watch any Stephen Soderbergh movie. FACT. I will watch the hell out of this!

Comments (41)
  1. Steven Soderbergh is SO GOOD. Didn’t he retire, though?

  2. Bubba Ho-Tep is a good film. I liked it quite a bit.

  3. Rotten Tomatoes Rating Predictor:
    Quartet: 85%
    John Dies At The End 58%
    Miss December 32%
    Bullet To The Head 62%
    Cruel Winter Best Videos of the Week #2, Stereogum
    Side Effects 87%

  4. I didn’t know they were making a John Dies at the End movie! Cool! It was a fun book.

  5. I watched a funny interview for the Maggie Smith movie in which a reporter asked her if she resented being cast in old lady roles, to which she said she was super happy because it means she’s being cast… Then the reporter asked her if she had ever tried the infamous (in her town in Italy) sandwich named after her, to which one of her costars (the one from Monty Python, I think) said that he had.

    So in summary, SHE IS THE BEST. Also there is a sandwich named after her in Italy.

  6. An axe battle? That’s some classy shit, right there.

  7. Does anyone else here have an abnormal affection for Christian Slater?

  8. I was at the barbershop the other day and these group of dudes were agreeing that they hated action movies like Hannah and Haywire because it showed 100Lb women kicking dudes’ asses and that was just too unrealistic. Then they gave The Expendables as an example of a “real action film”. Like, what is realistic about action films? Why can a 60 year old dude kick a lion out of a helicopter* but a 20ish woman can’t? You should’ve seen me guys; I quietly scoffed SO HARD. #EqualRightsHero

    *I don’t really watch action films

    • If it was a perfect world, Gina Carano would’ve just teleported into the barbershop and demonstrated her kicks, punches, grappling game, etc. on everyone of those big-mouths. Or, y’know, a sizzle reel video of her fighting career could play too.

      But I suspect they are used to ’80s action films, which are SUPER-unrealistic, which is what the Expendables is a call back to.

      Action films these days are more about the extremes of what a body can physically do: martial arts and free-running, basically. Anyone of any gender can fire a gun or walk away from an explosion, do martial arts, or jump from buildings to the rooftops of other buildings. Those dudes need to get over their gender.

      • Also, ammo consumption is paid attention to much better these days (varies from film to film, of course), as are injuries and wounds to a certain extent. It’s all because of the internet and our information-age-based culture.

      • I don’t think Haywire is a good movie for their argument to begin with. Other than Michael Fassbender, I don’t think she took anyone head on in a fight. She took a lot of those guys by surprise.

    • Realtalk: Hannah and Haywire are both amazing and I want Gina Carrano, Hannah girl, and Helen Mirren to star in a movie where they just go around kicking asses and taking names. Michelle Rodriguez will totally be there too. I would see that a billion times. I would invent a time machine so I could go back in time and see it over and over and over, and all the theaters would just be filled with me from different times watching that movie for infinity.

    • I bet you didn’t scoff as hard as I did when I overheard a guy talking about how he was disappointed in No Country for Old Men because he thought it would be a movie about how America is a country that doesn’t want men anymore, because that story needs to be told.

      • That’s just sensible. i mean, you can’t be a dude in America without being attacked by roving gangs of blowtorch-wielding biker misandrists if you go out walking without a lady escort. First we came for your pay gap, then we came for your souls. MWUAUAUAUAUAUAUAUA

    • Hanna is a great movie. I rewatched it recently and it really holds up well. It’s so weird and sincere. When I went to see The Bourne Legacy, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I’d rather be watching Hanna.

    • Yes, Haywire is completely unrealistic, it’s not like the actress was an MMA fighter or anything.

      (Did anyone else find Haywire really boring? I thought it was boring)

    • This story reminds me of the other day when I went to the bank and got to hear some dummy working there gloating over how good 2016: Obama’s America was. Very loud quiet scoffing at the flippancy of his delivery of, “Obama’s a communist.” Then some other guy was like, “Yeah, I’ve seen Michael Moore’s movies and I don’t really like that sort of thing,” and 2016 guy was like, “But this isn’t a Michael Moore movie, it actually makes really good points.” The other guy said, “Yeah, but it’s kind of the same thing,” and 2016 guy was like, “No, it’s actually completely the opposite.” This is Obama’s America, you guys.

    • The best action movies do not need big, tough dudes. The best action movie ever made had Clive Owen killing people in any way possible that involved any combination of bullets, guns, and carrots. It was called Shoot Em Up, and it was fucking fantastic.

  9. CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW GREAT BUBBA HO-TEP IS BECAUSE THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN BECAUSE IT IS GREAT.

    • “I’m thinking with sand, here!”

    • I rented it with a bunch of dude friends and there were two girlfriends present and they were all “booooooring” so they got to pick a movie too. They picked Mean Girls and we were all “booooooooooooooooring” and then we watched both movies and all of us were all “awwwwwwweeesome.”

  10. BUBBA HO-TEP IS THE GREATEST.

    FYI.

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