Hey, Lindsay Lohan, you fucking idiot, I’ve read The Secret cover to cover, OK? I GET IT. That stupid book is so stupid but the basic, most simple underlying premise is fine: if you think positively about your life then you will enjoy your life more. That sounds about right, actually. Of course, The Secret spends less time talking about happiness and more time about finding the perfect parking spot, but the point is the same: let’s all improve our attitudes when it comes to our own perceived satisfaction in life! Note: THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO HURRICANES. The reason that people are freaking out about Sally is due to the fact that they are living in areas that have been declared STATES OF EMERGENCY by the GOVERNMENT, where there is the threat of billions of dollars in property damage, flood waters, flying glass, and electrical outages, where most of the local businesses have been shut down (although not, as of this writing, the Edible Arrangements in Park Slope, so there is still a sliver of hope) as well as public transportation. It’s not really an issue of people, I don’t even know what you think, people being mean to each other in YouTube comments? Like, somehow I actually think Lindsay Lohan is attributing HURRICANE PREPAREDNESS with the same kind of dark impulses that lead the paparazzi to scream things at her outside of the Chateau Marmont in the hopes of stirring up a dramatic reaction. Oh, Lindsay Lohan. You are thousands of miles from the storm and yet somehow you are the one I worry about most of all*. Be safe, girl! (Via BestRoofTalkEver.)

*This is a category 5 exaggeration.
Comments (19)
  1. I hope everyone stays safe. I cannot do much to help you all, but if you want me to track down Lilo and shake her, shouting “Just because you CAN tweet something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD tweet something”, well, I’ve got your backs.

  2. Listen – when someone with the deep religious conviction of Lindsay Lohan asks for prayer, you should really take it more seriously.

  3. ” Don’t blame me, blame their lack of positive thinking”
    - Adolph Hitler

  4. It’s all a matter of perspective. Lindsay’s been living through a disaster for years now.

  5. “I don’t see why everybody is freaking out; what’s the worst that can happe, you lose your home? I’ve been homeless for months, and I still somehow have unfettered access to Twitter, so obviously I’m doing okay!”

  6. Nothing says the world is ending like

  7. Also what’s the difference between Sandy and Sally? Like we should take one name less seriously? Maybe she thinks Sandy is an adjective. “come on guys, it’s not like it’s named Hurricane Windy!”

  8. Oh Hurricane Sally. How I still actively worry about you, even though you are a fictional character. Stay away from Hurricane Creepy Glen!!

  9. In her defense, dealing with a hurricane for a couple days seems like nothing when you’ve been a walking trainwreck for 10 years

  10. if only Twitter was a thing in 2005, we would’ve all been privy to Paris Hitlon asking everyone to stop freaking out and relax, because Karen was no big deal.

  11. Isn’t she in LA? if so she should STFU. Well, in general too. My poor dog is scared.

  12. “Lindsay, unless you saved someone’s life on September 11th, keep your mouth shut.”

    –Gweneth Paltrow

  13. I hate when people pretend they don’t know what it’s called and give it a similar name. Don’t play dumb with me Lindsey, it isn’t flattering.

  14. We should give her a break – she has a lot in common with this hurricane, what with the destruction of property and blowing the east coast.

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