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Forrest Gump: A mentally disabled man interrupts a series of newscasts.
Lord of the Rings: A group of children are accompanied by a vagrant to throw some jewelry in a mountain.
Inception: A crack team of criminals falls asleep on a transcontinental flight.
A Few Good Men: It turns out a lawyer can handle the truth.
(Via BrooklynMutt.)
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Norbit – Eddie Murphy is obnoxious
Up: Grieving widower kidnaps child with the use of helium.
Cloud Atlas – ?
Jurassic Park — Butts are held on to.
Perfect
— Newman loses Dodgson’s shaving cream in some mud.
Good Will Hunting — A genius does math
Wedding Crashers – A rape victim learns to love the person that tied him down and raped him.
Anchorman — News team integrates, boosts ratings
The Wrestler — A wrestler wrestles.
There Will Be Blood – a conniving young priest get what’s coming to him
There will be blood – this title is misleading
until the last scene*
*I can’t remember how much blood was in the last scene.
Powder – Being white is hard
Beetlejuice – dead people have all the fun
I’m bad at this but would like everyone to keep up the good work, cause i enjoy reading them!
Breakfast At Tiffany’s – Prostitute eats donut outside a jewelry store.
Cinderella – Young female slave hallucinates singing mice, rides in a pumpkin.
Speed – Two strangers set forth on a romantic journey to an airport tarmac.
Spider-Man – a nerdy high school student is given physical enhancements through controversial means.
Superman – undocumented immigrant steals journalism job from hardworking Americans, attacks hardworking corporations
*hardworking industrialist (d’oh)
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure – Weird freak with bow-tie sees a ghost then befriends biker gang by dancing on a bar.
Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: A rich fat man steals bikes.
D2: The Mighty Ducks – a team of young hockey players overcomes Icelandic for only after disavowing their country
Foe* f’ing autocorrect
A Time To Kill – Matthew Mconaughey is unspeakably bad at his job
This could be the synopsis of any Matthew McConaughey movie not titled “Dazed and Confused”
But even more so when he’s a lawyer defending someone on grounds of temporary insanity, and then goes on to argue how the man’s actions were premeditated and justified.
Dazed and Confused – High school kids in vintage clothing have a party.
The Road: Mom’s gone, what’s that mean for the father and son? ROAD TRIP!
The Wicker Man: Nicolas Cage hates bees, dresses up in a bear suit and punches women.
Somewhat related: Everyone has seen the Wicker Man comedy trailer, yes? I’ll just leave this here anyways
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_mW8mBzmHo
Star Wars: Violent criminals attempt to overthrow the government
Return of the Jedi — A statue is stolen from a large worm, who is later choked to death by a stripper. A bounty hunter falls into a sandy vagina monster. Small bears kill countless men. A religious zealot and his father team up to throw an old man down a well. Ghosts smile as they watch everyone dance.
Fatal Attraction: Woman’s attempt to provide a delicious, homecooked meal for a family is misconstrued.
Cloud Atlas – or there and back again.
Up in Smoke – Two old friends drive an upholstery van from Mexico to play a concert in Hollywood.
Billy Madison: A creepy rich adult hangs out with children.
Primal Fear: Edward Norton plays a practical joke
Click: an ambitious vulgarian puts a click remote to self-defeating ends.
The Breakfast Club -Detention’s never been so 80s.
Drive-A cabbie kills for love, wears cool jacket.
In Bruges: Murderers murder… in Bruges.
Dog Day Afternoon: A man and his brother take refuge from the summer heat inside a bank.
Alien: A man comes back from a strange planet with a stomach ache.
The Birds – indigenous species fight against the invasive species of man.
The Graduate: A young man gets to know his fiancee’s family.
THe Graduate: Plastics.
Goonies – A group of teenage nerds chase a wily, one-eyed pirate back to sea.
Labyrinth – Teenage girl takes acid while babysitting, hangs out with David Bowie and the Muppets for a few hours.
I stole this from a book. I will give one million cyberdollars to the person who can name that book.
I’m thinking a Nick Hornby novel, but that may be sleep deprivation talking…
The Dark Knight: A series of impossible coincidences.
The Godfather – Italian Americans struggle with crime.
The Abyss: Angry magical water butterflies hate pollution.
Greenberg – A handsome German Shepherd struggles with cancer while enduring the company of the worst people found in all of Los Angeles.
The Neverending Story – ends
Perfect!
Beasts of the Southern Wild: Someone who has probably never even tasted beef, let alone seen cattle, imagines what aurochs looked like.
Beasts of the Southern Wild: People from the Northeast imagine what Southeast Louisiana is like.
Not a movie, but still: Game of Thrones-People kill each other for the right to sit in the world’s most uncomfortable chair. Also, zombies.
Finally, Empires of the Deep-Turns out real-estate skills aren’t transferable to the realm of cinema. Who knew?
The Most Dangerous Game – A documentary about a weekend with Josh Romney sons and his brothers.
Independence Day: A young Air Force pilot and a surly cable repairman hack a computer.
The Happening: People run from earth farts.
Dirty Dancing: a young Baby experiments with sex, lying, and illegal activity. Learns why all men who like Ayn Rand are horrible.
Teen Witch – A teen teaches her friend to be funky and becomes the most popular girl in the world.
The Seventh Seal – An adventure of a semi-medieval smouldering Nordic engages in a tabletop game.
China Town – Jack Nicholson plays a gumshoe who unknowingly stumbles in a nest of incest.
Religulous – Ugly Anderson Cooper wants to talk about faith.
The Big Lebowski – Bumbling Bohemian or just a bumbler? Either way this Dude entangles himself in an existential crisis sure to knock down all the pins.
I Love You Philip Morris – A gay man just can’t play straight with the rules.
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai – Where does Buckaroo Banzai find the time to be Buckaroo Banzai this rock n’ roll tour de force makes one thing clear and that is there is bound to be positive reinforcement gained from being raised by Asians.
Boys in the Hood – Sometimes rapping about problems doesn’t make all the pain and strife found in this slice of derelict Americana go away.
True Grit – A cowboy story you can believe in. There are no Indians!
Metropolis – Look out Communism, we’ve got robots!
Bearcity – Sexual niche goes deep dish when a city has the courage to purge all other sexual minorities out of their territory.
The Last Samurai – Caucasian won’t let fading tradition commit hari kari, because fortune has a different plan in store.
Stardust Memories – A neurotic, aging auteur makes an aging neurotic movie about the neurotic, aging human experience.
Saw: A man teaches a few people lessons in morality
Citizen Kane: A rich man acquires a sled
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade – Driven to madness by his overbearing father, a sufferer of dissociative identity disorder (archeology professor by day, whip-wielding murderer by night) quests to find the secret of immortality and use it for his father’s selfish gain, while philanthropic Nazis who wish to conquer death on a larger scale strive to thwart him.
Better Off Dead – A nerd cheats at skiing.
Scream: High school boys prank their friends with a cell phone.
Disney’s The Little Mermaid – a young women learns that losing your friends, family, power and comfort zone is okay as long as you have a husband.
Well that’s just common sense, really.
Lolita – Sellers guilefully crafts and assumes the identities of various authoritative figures, much to the consternation of a burgeoning ephebophiliac.
carrie: puberty is difficult.
Margaret – Guilt in the wake of a terrible accident forces a bus to question its own free will.
Snow Falling on Cedars – It was the one-armed man!
Reservoir Dogs – A straight razor is forever scarred by the song “Stuck In The Middle With You,” a pop bubblegum favorite from 1974.
Overboard – stuck up rich women really just want to be servants.
The Karate Kid – Jersey Boy waxes and wanes in order to learn to kick like a bird; fit in with California girl and friends. Okinawan maintenance man benefits with nicer backyard.
Adaptation – A man (Nicolas Cage) discovers that flowers aren’t as interesting as he is.
Babe: Pig In The City – People are assholes.
My favorite real one was in the New York Times t.v. listings years ago. For Taxi Driver it just said, “Crazed cabbie.”
Alive – Rugby players take teamwork to a new level in order to win at life.
Armageddon: humankind makes the difficult choice to save the earth in spite of the existence of that Aerosmith song.
Speed: a man becomes agitated whenever the bus slows down.
Gladiator: the story of down-votes.
Little Miss Sunshine – Slightly overweight girl does not win a beauty pageant.
Rock Star – Mark Whalberg is in a band he’s not embarrassed of
The Amazing Spider-Man — A police officer (Denis Leary) attempts to juggle life, love and keeping the peace in this adaptation of the award winning thing.
Groundhog Day – Bill Murray wakes up, Its cold and funny. He wakes up again.
My Best Friend’s Wedding: A sociopath proves unsuccessful.
Mrs. Doubtfire: A character-actor outsmarts everyone.
Silence of the Lambs: And inexperienced worker takes on too much.