don_draper

What’s your favorite thing that baby Don Draper does? Is it when he psychologically abuses and/or cruelly ignores his long-suffering wife? Is it when he lies about his identity to his own family? Is it when he goes through a brief spell of full blown alcoholism that is surprisingly difficult to differentiate from his previous spells of pretty much full blown alcoholism? Is it when he chases his young wife around the apartment in a fit of rage and then has angry sex with her on the brand new carpeting? Is it when he threateningly sticks his baby hand up that comedian’s wife’s dress in the restaurant vestibule and throttles her vagina? (Gabe! This is just a human child we are making jokes about!) (You! Tell that to the parents who dressed him up as one of the worst possible male role models imaginable!) (You! Also relax! I’m not making fun of him, I’m making fun of his costume! Life is tough!) Was it when he abandoned his wife at the Howard Johnson because she didn’t like ice cream or some shit? Was it when he seduced that Jewess? Was it when he stole a colleague’s idea in a meeting because he was drunk and creatively unproductive and weak and terrified? Was it when he found that dead body? Was it when he lectured Peggy for the thousandth time in a sexist and condescending way that is almost certainly true of the time but that doesn’t make it any less sexist or condescending? Was it when he took his children to Disneyland as a pretense for testing out the mothering capabilities of his secretary before manipulating their power dynamic to make her his wife? Was it when he fucked his daughter’s teacher? Or was it his son’s teacher? You know he probably fucked both of their teachers, right? Let’s not quibble over which teacher. Oh, Baby Don Draper! You little cad! (Via FlavorPill.)

Comments (23)
  1. Just making Halloween fun for your kid!

  2. I HATE when halloween costumes have name tags! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

  3. Hey Gabe, maybe somewhere in your diatribe, did you think to warn that kid about the giant fucking spider that’s about to land on his right shoulder? Christ!

  4. BNPG – Children’s Grown Up Shows (or something)

    Breaking Bedtime
    Homeland Security Blanket
    Boardcrawl Empire (oof, sorry about that one)
    CSI: Playground
    Girls

  5. Countdown to Gary coming in and commenting his filth about hypothetical baby Joan Holloway. Gross. Way to 180 today, dude.

  6. My favorite baby Don Draper storyline was the whole “Who Is Don Draper?” arc, but when it moved on to “Why is Don Draper?” every 30 seconds, it really started to wear on me.

  7. Oh come on, this is terrible. CLEARLY the father should have dressed as Don Draper, and dressed his child as Pete Campbell, which is for sure what I plan to do with Facetaquito for Halloween now.

  8. Is anyone planning to go as Lane Pryce? Cause THAT would be a great Halloween costume.

  9. HAS NO ONE REFERENCED THE FACT THAT THIS BABY IS HOLDING A GLASS OF ALCOHOL TO EASE THE PAIN AFTER A LONG DAY AT WORK CANT BLAME HIM BUT CMON

  10. This baby needs a cigarette.

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