Hey girls! Do you ever feel like you want to spice up the way you apply your makeup, whether that means wearing makeup at all, or wearing a bit more than usual, or doing a “smokey eye” even if you’re not going to something fancy, or wearing bright lipstick even if it makes you feel like everyone is looking at you thinking, “Why did she put that on her mouth?” Well, Forbes recently ran a trend piece about girls in the Ukraine who turn themselves into dolls. Sounds good! Maybe we can do that? From Forbes:

In interviews with Anime, which appeared on mainstream television in Ukraine and Russia over the past months, she gave the impression of being a pleasant, slightly naïve, girl, who is living in a dream and plays a fairy in a fairytale. She subsists almost entirely on honey-dew—no bread, meat or fish; mostly fruit and veggies. However, she is probably not as naïve as a fairy—her extreme makeup and unconventional style serve as a great promotional tool.

This is almost too perfect, considering that our diet consists mainly of honey-dew already. And “living in a dream and plays a fairy in a fairytale” legit sounds A LOT better than “living in a crowded city writing blog posts in my shoebox bedroom.” “BUT CAN WE SEE THESE GIRLS IN ACTION?” Yes! That’s the point of all this! Here they are on a talk show on a Ukrainian TV channel:

Perfect. Even though I cannot understand anything they’re saying, I can tell that this is a true trend coming to a neighborhood near you and not some mutually exploitative sad time for everyone. SHOULD WE DO IT, THOUGH? Paint yourself like a doll! Do it and go to work! Maybe everyone will like you more? “I used to think Candice was cold and stand-offish, but today she seems much friendlier. I can’t put my finger on why.” (Via UPROXX.)

Comments (24)
  1. Somewhere right now Joss Whedon has the weirdest boner.

  2. i think the first lady who spoke said, “i’m so proud that my husband died in the gulags so you two can be free to be the nightmares that you are”.

  3. Man, nerds all over the world are about to be crushed when they find out that, contrary to long-held beliefs, their love lives would NOT improve if only their anime were real.

  4. Did they think they had to get in an actual package to be mail order brides?

  5. Aww this is where I should have posted that pug shirt/pug face gif! :(

  6. Last night I played Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” like six times as background music while surfing the interwebs when I should have been doing homework. That’s what happens when you become a living doll. You get the creepy, bald Ken guy and he rips your arm off.

  7. There was a Ukrainian girl in one of my university classes who was 6 feet tall, suuuuuper super skinny, had giant fake tits, dressed like Courtney Stodden and wore drag queen make-up that must have taken hours to apply even though it was an 8.30am class. I went as her for Halloween one year because I’m kind of mean. Well, technically I was the mail order trophy wife to my ex’s 1994 Easter European discount electronics salesman, but she was my inspiration. I think my point is that Ukraine seems like a very interesting place to visit and a god damn horrible place to live.

    • It is and it is. Their flea markets are fantastic, better than Disney World.

    • P.S. The beggar children there came up and asked for money and my friend wouldn’t give them any until they said “Give us the money, Lebowski!” So you may be kind of mean, but at least you’re a better human being than he is.

      • At least he didn’t make them cut off a toe.

        And god I love all you horrible mean people. You’re fun! What would a nice person do? “I won’t give you any money, children, no matter what you say, but I will teach you to fish”? Fuck that. SAY THE THING, KID.

        • It actually worked out really well for the kids, because they weren’t stupid, and after we gave them money, they went around saying that to every other drunk American they could find. Those kids probably set new personal records that night.

    • According to the new season of Dexter, all strippers are Ukrainian.

  8. Who would have thought the Tchernobyl nuclear explosion would plasticize faces two generations down the line.

  9. Man, that is the most glum look I have ever seen on somebody who chooses to model themselves after an inaminate object.

    That sentence only makes sense if you assume that I have known lots of people who do stuff like this. Sadly, this is the only time I’ve ever seen something of this nature.

  10. I saw this the other day on The Daily What and yes, what?

  11. I smell a “Mannequin” reboot!

  12. There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.


    Subject: One, Kelly Conaboy, pop culture guru, cute animal film maestro. The time is here, the day is now. Just like any other day, the blog was grinding, the birds were chirping. But today Kelly is going to find something more terrifying than waking up in a carnival ride…for today, Kelly is waking up…in The Twilight Zone.

  13. What’s the rule about peach blazers and black shoes? Never before Halloween???

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