Uh. So. Well, let me begin by saying that this particular public (public in the sense that it was in front of animatronics and the guy who controls the animatronics and now the world) marriage proposal comes at a perfect time, as I recently watched The Rock-afire Explosion on Netflix Instant (because someone put it on while I was cooking? Only God can judge me) so I know exactly what they are and exactly what the people who are huge fans of them are like (their only interest is The Rock-afire Explosion and they only drink soda). So this 13 minute long public marriage proposal video makes slightly more sense to me than it would have, had I not recently watched that documentary. (“What does Aaron Fechter have to do with anything? Why are these people taking a tour of a forgotten nightmares factory and how did they even know it existed, previous to the tour? Is that the band from Chuck-E-Cheese?”) With that being said, though, this public marriage proposal is still leaps and bounds beyond my understanding. I can hardly even criticize it. Good for these two, I think? I’m happy that they found each other! I don’t know! Let’s watch their magical scary nightmare proposal together.

HOLY MOLY THAT PROPOSAL TOOK SO LONG! And I’m not even talking about the whole video, which is 11 minutes too long itself, but just the actual proposal part! Way to ruin a moment, LOONEY BIRD! So. Uh. Yeah! I don’t know! It’s easy to be upset with people when they sing Bruno Mars over the loudspeaker at Wal-Mart and have all the Wal-Mart employees do the Macarena before they finally pop the question, but this? I’ll say it again, I’m glad these two found each other. I just don’t know. (Thanks for the tip, Chris Trash!)

Comments (28)
  1. Congrats Steve! Who’s the lucky pretty lady???

  2. I can only assume that somebody involved here is our very own Steve Winwood. Congrats, Steve Winwood, on whatever roll you may have played! Gummos for all.

  3. What the hell???? I thought I was being unique and original!

    • Shoulda gone with the pumpkin dance themed proposal after all, lawblog. Always the pumpkin dance.

    • My original idea was to take a helicopter ride around Manhattan and then have the engine start to fail and we’re about to crash but we manage to have an emergency landing on top of a building and then all my friends and family come out and there’s a big choreographed dance number to that Bruno Mars song and then I get down on one knee but then realize I left the ring in the helicopter so I go to get it but then the helicopter explodes and it looks like I’m dead and she has to go to the morgue to identify the body but then I jump out of the body bag and propose.

      • OR, do it that way, but then in the morgue you’re actually dead, but then you show up from a DIFFERENT body bag and pull the mask off of the body she thought was you and it was really a dead Bruce Willis the whole time!

  4. I just don’t see any way to get my day back on track after having watched this. I’m going home sick.

  5. Like marriage, this scares the holy hell out of me.

  6. aw how nice. at Chuck E. Cheese in Chicago, people just stab each other over soda refills.

  7. I’m starting to think that men can’t be trusted with the societal role of proposers. Have we given any thought to switching things up and having women propose to men? I think that women have enough sense to use animatronics in a timely fashion and not drag things out so much.

  8. This isn’t as much a public marriage proposal as it is taking your girlfriend to some stranger’s warehouse on her birthday. A warehouse filled with singing and dancing animatronic puppets. And, at least in my experience, you very much *want* to tape that day… if only to help ensure your safety and/or leave clues for future investigators.

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