Ain’t It Cool News got their hands on an old draft of a possible screenplay for Jurassic Park 4, and it’s making the rounds today because it features HUMAN-DINOSAUR HYBRID CLONES who become a VIGILANTE JUSTICE TEAM fighting DRUG DEALERS AND STUFF. You can read the whole synopsis here, but let’s just say that it sounds great. Here are a couple of my favorite excerpts: “Technically, Jurassic Park isn’t even his problem anymore, but he still feels responsible for the dinosaurs and the damage they do.” And “The UN has outlawed any breeding of new dinosaurs by anyone and they’ve prohibited the sale, mining, or possession of amber worldwide.” THE PROBLEM IS AMBER! WE HAVE TO DESTROY THE AMBER! Anyway, up above is a piece of concept art for the DINO-HUMAN MERCENARY THINGS (more concept art here) which is pretty perfect. “You just sold your last small amount of drugs on this block, creep!” (I’m not actually entirely clear if the dinosaur-human hybrid monsters are hunting drug dealers. Somehow I am starting to feel like I just wasn’t paying very close attention and I made that part up. But I am definitely not going to go back and check at this point, and I sincerely do hope that that is what they are doing.) So what are your guys’s favorite Jurassic Park 4 dinosaur-human hybrid monsters? Here are a couple of mine:

  • Tyrannosaurus Banks
  • Triceratopher Grace
  • Pterodaxtyl Sheppard
  • Velociraptori Amos
  • Allisaurus Lohan
  • Iguanodom Deloise
  • Judd Apatosaurus

Holy cow, this is even dumber than the idea for the movie, which was already very dumb!

Comments (35)
  1. Carrot Triceratops

  2. LeBrontosaurus James

  3. Scott Stapposaurus

  4. John Denversaurus

  5. Craig T Rexson

  6. That looks like a Weeping Angel.

    • So I’m going to say The Statue of Liberty.

    • Thanks so much for putting this here, because now I have to stare at it FOREVER lest I be zapped back to a time before they had antibiotics and tampons.

      • But NYC has amazing food delivery! (Sadly, that was literally my first thought when I considered the consequences of being trapped in hotel / apartment complex forever).

        • The thing about the weeping angels is that yeah you’d miss your family and have to have a fake identity (original version, not apartment entrapment or neck snapping version) but they’re really only very scary to women and minorities and gay people. You’re like, “Oh shit, weeping angel, what hell place of lack of rights shall I end up in now?” but I kind of imagine your average bro being like, “Alright, maybe I’ll be Don Draper! Yes!”

          • Oh (minus the apartment complex garbage) I had that fantasy too, more or less. Get a husband, get that husband to sell short or buy long on stuff… Wait for the money to roll in…

            Or better yet! Write all the best novels and screenplays FIRST because you don’t have to do anything but enjoy life as you made all the money on your investments.

            So…

            Brave New World – me
            Catch 22 – me
            White Noise – me
            The Godfather – me (book AND film)
            Auntie Mame – me
            Dr. Who? – Dr. ME!

            Then set up a secret trust for my family in the now-now to help young me have an even better life pre-Weeping Angels (with many stipulations so we don’t mess it up). Plus? Maybe with all that rad trust money I wouldn’t have to deal with the Angels the second time AND get the rights AND the glory of book money AND investment trust money.

            Boom! Two lives, both great. THANKS WEEPING ANGELS!!

  7. Jurassic Parker Posey

  8. Benediclonius Cumberbathygnathus (used wikipedia for help)

  9. i’m more curious to know who “patient zero” was and whether or not it was them doing the act, or them getting acted upon by the dinosaur. SO MANY QUESTIONS!

  10. So I don’t have a pun but I wanted to say that this would have been kind of cool if they weren’t gunna make the dinosaurs look like CGI farts and made the actual monsters outa styrofoam and animatronics and stuff like in THE GOOD OLD DAYS of cinema.

    But now we’ll never have drug busting dino-cops, CGI or otherwise, and maybe we all just have to learn to live with that.

  11. Sarah Jurassica Parker

  12. The Jurassic Park of Dr Moreau.

  13. i don’t mean to sound bitter, i know it’s just the way things work in this crazy business we call show, but it sort of pisses me off that this made it into pre-production when i couldn’t even get anyone to READ my script for EXTREME DINOSAURS: THE MOVIE.

  14. God bless your beautiful, crooked little heart, rejected jeff dunham puppet, for illustrating these all for us.

    • I came late and was going to post this if it wasn’t already mentioned. Yes, thank you, rejected jeff dunham puppet. LeBrontosaurus James is my favorite.

      Also, I looked at the rest of the concept art because I wanted to know what the BOTTOM of that creature looked like (inconclusive) and though the idea behind these monsters is really, really dumb, they are at least completely terrifying.

  15. Barachiosaurus Obama vs. Mittotaurasaurus Romney

  16. You buried the lede. This script was written by John freakin’ Sayles!

  17. In the Second Daizenshuu book AT states that “As a Saiyan and Earthling half-breed, Gohan possesses dormant power that surpasses that of a Saiyan.”
    http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121010193805AAzsMWT

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