Just two short months ago, the Internet got word that some crazy Australian billionaire (Clive Palmer) was planning to attempt to clone a dinosaur from its DNA and start his own Jurassic Park park. (Also, it is never not worth mentioning that he is also planning to build a Titanic 2.) (This guy.) ”What an absolutely stupid and terrible idea that is obviously not even going to work,” said no one because everyone’s so dumb. “OMG that would be so awesome!!!!!” is probably closer to what everyone said. Well YOU CAN’T EVEN HAVE IT, SO GO TO BED! From Nature.com:

By comparing the specimens’ ages and degrees of DNA degradation, the researchers calculated that DNA has a half-life of 521 years. That means that after 521 years, half of the bonds between nucleotides in the backbone of a sample would have broken; after another 521 years half of the remaining bonds would have gone; and so on.

The team predicts that even in a bone at an ideal preservation temperature of −5 ºC, effectively every bond would be destroyed after a maximum of 6.8 million years [the last dinos roamed some 65-million years ago]. The DNA would cease to be readable much earlier — perhaps after roughly 1.5 million years, when the remaining strands would be too short to give meaningful information.

“Ooooh, look at meeeeee, I’m a sciiiiennttiiiiiiist, oooh, la de daaaa, look at meeee, look at my glassseeess, they’re brooooooookkkeeeeen.” -Scientist. I hope you guys aren’t too heartbroken by this obvious news. It’s always sad when you learn that a horrifying movie about ancient monsters coming to life and murdering everyone isn’t going to be recreated, but I do think we’ll all be able to move on eventually, somehow. (Via TheWeek.)

Comments (35)
  1. Thus marking the first time that creation theory is the only way for all of our science-based dreams to become a reality.

  2. He should use his money for something good — like a sexy reboot of a Dickens novel.

  3. But we can still make Sphere real, right?

    • I chose Sphere as my summer reading book every year in grades 5-8. Wrote four book reports on it. I’ve never read it. Fun little story for you guys.

  4. (not so) clever girl

  5. I hate everything.

  6. OK, fine. But did they try the DNA in the amber?

  7. So I just googled “velociraptor stalking” and apparently there’s a meme “velociraptor stalking michael bublé.” I strongly encourage you all to google it because it’s amazing.

  8. Well, at least one dumb remake is getting rejected. Now if only science could disprove the existence of Spike Lee so the Oldboy remake never goes through….

  9. and just as we are set to bask in the epic glory of actually witnessing dinosaurs, here comes the off-key melodica called “science” awkwardly blaring its awful tune.

  10. I’m just going to leave this here…

  11. As a molecular biologist I understood that cloning dinos would never happen, but that doesn’t stop me from loving the shit out of this movie. It still is a great portrait of the incredible wonder that the natural world can inspire and the incredible hubris of people who think they can control or limit nature. Life finds a way… and to nature we all return (as dino droppings because we were eaten by a T-Rex).

  12. So I assume that means Larry King is a no-go as well, ya?

  13. Darn, I wanted to watch Dinosaurs gasp for breath in our low oxygen atmosphere.

  14. Finally! Now that we are talking about Jurassic park, I would like to use this a time to talk about how much I hate it! Like the part when the paleobotanist is somehow an expert triceratops doctor and that part when she is holding up the leaf from a plant she claims went extinct during the cretaceous (ok the whole recreating many different types of dinosaurs from really old DNA that came from one type of dinosaur is pretty far fetched, but how did they get plant DNA from a mosquito?).

  15. But I’ll be around forever.

  16. Your billionaires were so preoccupied with whether or not they should, they didn’t stop to think if they could.

  17. Dude must have spared some expense.

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