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Mindy Kaling co-wrote a romantic comedy and it sounds exactly like a romantic comedy that Mindy Kaling would write and let me warn you before we begin that the title is terrible, so let’s just get to it! From The Hollywood Reporter:
Anne Hathaway is attached to star in The Low Self-Esteem of Lizzie Gillespie, a romantic comedy from Good Universe co-written by Mindy Kaling.
The story centers on a woman whose lack of self-worth has limited her choice in men to losers. When she is about to hit the bottom of the barrel, life takes an unexpected turn when she is pursued by the hottest guy ever.
Kaling, who likely would take on a supporting role, co-wrote the Black List-charting script with Brent Forrester. The two are exec producing with Good Universe’s Nathan Kahane and Joe Drake. John Malkovich also executive produced via his Mr. Mudd Productions.
Nooooooo, grrrl! GET A NEW TITLE! Just call it Mindy’s Story! (Or, I guess, Anne’s Story.) Maybe the game should be “what should the NEW TITLE of Mindy Kaling’s romcom be.” I think I may have nailed it with Mindy’s Story, though. Or The Sad Life Of Mindy and Anne. Or Hott Guys + Nerd Grrls. All perfect and much better! Now that we have that settled let’s get back to the real game: What should the tagline be?! Let’s brainstorm together!
- “Self-esteem, we have a problem.”
- “She’s all that … LITERALLY.”
- “Picture the hottest guy? She didn’t.”
- “Hot guy, meet LIZZIE.”
- “He thinks she’s all that jazz.”
- “The true life story of Katherine Chloe Cahoon.”
YES! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. Sometimes you just nail it.
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….Lizzie’s Story?
Oh god I hope this is better than it sounds because it sounds kind of terrible. That works both as my first reaction to reading the plot, AND a tagline! Two birds, one stone, and all that jazz.
She’s Pretty
This is really dumb. Why would you cast Anne Hathaway in that role? It does not matter how low her self esteem might be, dudes would be after anne Hathaway ALL THE TIME (PRO TIP: Sometimes dudes see a lady and just want to get it wet and worry about the consequences later). I will watch the hell out of any movie that casts an actual unattractive person as the unattractive person.
OMG Facetaco, she had frizzy hair and glasses. HOW DO PEOPLE STIFLE THEIR VOMIT LONG ENOUGH TO STAY IN HER PRESENCE? I mean, glasses! Thats bonerkiller city right there.
Bonerkiller City would be a great title for a romantic comedy.
Fun Fact: Paradise City is at least 7% more entertaining if you replace ‘paradise’ with ‘bonerkiller’. However, replacing ‘paradise’ with ‘taradise’ raises the entertainment value even further, up to 12%
Taradise City seems like the name of a wonderful theme bar… And that theme? Alcoholism.
‘Taradise’ — The exciting new reality show about the fascinating life of Tara Reid.
Taradise was a real show on E! in the mid-2000s. It was amazing.
OMG
“Leave me alone hot guy, you’re bad for my ulcer.”
There’s Something Wrong With Lizzie.
Do You Believe in Love?
I may or may not believe in life after love.
“…life takes an unexpected turn when she is pursued by the hottest guy ever.”
OMG, the hottest guy EVER? Totally rad!
The Odd Life and Times of the Low-Self Esteem of Lizzie Gillespie
And the tagline: “One hot guy, one awkward girl, all WACKY!”
Adorkable!
Please Meet Us Halfway and Suspend Your Disbelief Re: Anne Hathaway Having Trouble Attracting Men
It’s just Hollywood science that when you put glasses on a pretty girl, and pull her hair into a ponytail or bun, she will become instantly hideous.
But remember how UGGGGGGGGLY she was in the Princess Diaries before her makeover! What a dog!! Remember how Erik Von Detten wouldn’t even look at her until she was hot and a famous princess??
Of course, in a movie when a woman likes a guy based on good looks, she’s the friend-zoning, asshole-dating bitch.
Well duh. Dudes have other qualities, such as slobby charm and being funny. Ladies only have their hotness and harpy nagging words of hate. And salads. Harpy words and salads.
I smell a money-maker here: a restaurant chain for women called Harpy’s that serves only salads (garnished with self-loathing)!
Don’t forget lovable man child!
HEADS UP: Don’t look at Erik Von Detten’s IMDB page unless you want to be underwhelmed and mildly depressed!
I was going to say “But he was in Motocrossed!” but then it turned out that was a different Disney Channel hunk. So now I am kind of sad.
Erik von Detten was in BRINK! The fun-filled teen roller blading action flick!
Motocrossed was hilarious because it had touches of Twelfth Night, Victor/Victoria, Mulan, etc… A straight guy going through a mini gay panic because he is attracted to a woman disguised as a man.
Life is like a box of chocolates…You never know what you’re gonna get when you eat them because you have low self-esteem.
We Need to Talk About Lizzie.
Tilda Swinton can have the other supporting role. Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Tilda Swinton = BFFs.
(LBT, this is for you, mostly.)
I hope it is a lot of Tilda Swinton rolling her eyes and recommending therapy and saying that maybe if your relationship with yourself is that bad, you might want to work on it before adding another person into the mix, and if you can’t sell yourself on your awesomeness how are you going to sell it to anyone else, and then she leaves halfway through to hunt the most dangerous game (man) and steal the Mona Lisa.
Thoroughly Low-Esteem-Having Lizzie (it’s now a musical, I guess?)
“Goodbye, good awkward girl, I’m changing and how! So beat the drums cause there’s a way hot guy into Lizzie now!”
The One Episode of Cheers Where Coach Tells His Daughter His Wife/ Her Mother Was Beautiful And She Realizes She Should Find A Man Who Loves Her Like Coach Loved Her Mother- The Motion Picture (featuring Swear Words)
A girl named Lizzie Gillespie
Gave blowjobs like Dizzy Gillespie
Guys thought it rude
When her cheeks would protrude
But it was still better than when she hosted the Oscars, or was it the Espy’s?
“Matt & Ben & Mindy”
“Seriously, I want a boyfriend…SIGH!”
“I’m Brown, Chubby and Sad…but SOOOOO Adorkable hehe!”
“enough already dating world!”
“Please Consume With Pink Pinot Grigio (Because You Are A Sad Stereotype And Will Watch This On HBO Signature)”
“Cuddle up with a nice box of chocolate, a couple cats on your lap, and a bottle of wine! Don’t forget the tissues!”
Don’t forget the ice cream consumed straight out of the carton.
Wait….is this Mindy Kaling’s romantic comedy or Kelly Kapoor’s?
“Wait Til She Takes Her Glasses Off!”
I really think we need to put a moratorium on romantic comedies. They are nothing but offensive to men & women both.
This is where the internet gets it right. Tons of pornography and tons of videos of cute kittens and nothing inbetween. (That is kind of the way I view romcoms. They are movies trying to depict human sexuality as something as cute and inoffensive as an adorable kitten rolling around inside of a hamster ball.)
For the curious: http://youtu.be/go43XeW6Wg4
Except that it has recently been overrun with flashmob proposals, which are literally the worst.
“Her?”
“Her low self-esteem is as Anne as the nose on Plain’s face”.
Esteem punk.
“omg!NOW”
(Huh? What do you mean that’s already been taken??)
Are we all agreed that only unattractive (sure) people can have low self-esteem?
Yes, that is just science. Also: the attention of a super hot guy is the only way a straight girl can value her worth.
They should call it sitting alone on the couch drinking wine out of the bottle because that’s what I call it in real life and I’m getting by okay for the most part.
“You’re gonna need a bigger self-regard.”
“Low self-esteem can hold you prisoner. Hot guy can set you free.”
Mindy Gets Porked By Mork
Starring Anne Hathaway and Robin Williams