“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the whole world he doesn’t exist.” – Kevin Spacey, The Usual Suspects

“Boxing is about following a dream nobody sees but you.” – Million Dollar Baby

“Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” – The Godfather

“Writing yearbook quotes is like the new…..not writing yearbook quotes.” – Me

“I got more rhymes than Jamaica got mangoes.” – The Beastie Boys

“And then they made me their chief.” – Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean

“You’re Abe Foreman…..Sausage king of Chicago?” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Celebrity children really are just like us. Remember how we all had a full page spread in our 8th grade yearbooks? In which we posted grandiose, Machiavellian quotes about power and control? Youth is wasted on the WEAK. (Thanks for the tip, JJ.)

Comments (33)
  1. I quoted the Beastie Boys in my high school yearbook. I am our generation’s Chet Haze.

  2. Chet Haze was in Middle School when Million Dollar Baby came out? Holy fuck, I’m old.

  3. I do believe Abe FROMAN is the Sausage King of Chicago. Abe Forman sounds like a distant relative of Eric Forman. Speaking of, what’s up with Topher Grace?

  4. If I was him I would just be like “Life is like a box of chocolates” – my dad

    • “There’s no crying in baseball” — the words that bought me the ability to be a ridiculous person without fear of consequence for the rest of my life.

      • “All my life I’ve been waiting for someone and when I find her, she’s… she’s a fish.” – the college education I won’t value and the lexus I’ll crash

  5. The best way to thank your father for buying you a full-page yearbook ad is to quote a whole bunch of movies he wasn’t in. Ya burnt, Tom!

  6. True story: I was voted “Most likely to be a Jeopardy contestant” in my yearbook. That hasn’t panned out as of yet.

  7. “Ayo I don’t condone bullying but anyone who offs themselves cuz they got picked on is weak.” -Terrible Future Me

  8. Oh man, I wasted my 8 quotes on nothing, since I didn’t get any quotes, since no one cared what I thought. Which is fair, since 8th grade me probably would have spent the time gushing about the genius of Mystery Science Theater and how cool I was for playing the oboe*

    *not very cool at all, actually

  9. I am so confused by the picture on the right. Is he achieving “Success Through Honor” by… pooping in public?

  10. my high school yearbook “accidentally” didn’t include me and 3 of my friends’ yearbook pages after i spent whole minutes photoshopping my face onto the front of an f-14 tomcat for my half page

  11. Colin for America’s Next Top Hanks Spawn, please.

  12. What does Tom Hanks even think of his son…

  13. Million Dollar Baby came out before he graduated 8th Grade? He’s awfully young to have offended so many people so many times.

  14. It was a great idea for him to choose to go by the name “Chet Haze”, because Chester Hanks sounds like it could be the name for an obscenely embarrassing prank people play on each other in the guys locker room.

    “Dude! Brian totally nailed Greg in the nuts with like 6 Chester Hanks in a row!”

  15. Are we all sharing yearbook quotes? Mine was “Just once I’d like someone to call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘you’re making a scene.’” -Homer Simpson

  16. I love that he is now an adult (technically) and he is still dressing and making the same faces as he was doing in 8th grade. Way to progress, Chet.

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