Earlier this week, it was “reported” (because we all know and agree on what that word means, and that this falls under the definition of that word) that George Clooney had dumped his girlfriend, Stacy Keibler. Good to know. It’s important to stay informed about the world around you. JUST THE FACTS, MA’AM! (Dragnet reference, 2012.) But now here are photos of the two of them at the Argo premiere last night. AHHHHHH! Wait!!!!! Did they break up or didn’t they?! I’m going crazy over here trying to figure out if they broke up or not. I mean, on the one hand, the New York Daily News “reported” (yes, agreed) that they had broken up, but if they were broken up would they really be going to movie premieres together? Maybe they would! Oh God, maybe they would! How should I know what passes between two people? The important thing, though, is for America to know WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE OFFICIALLY BROKEN UP OR OFFICIALLY STILL TOGETHER. Life is hard enough as it is, we have to wonder about this, too? This is America! Shame on George Clooney for not issuing a press release to US Weekly like Chris Brown did yesterday when he broke up with Karrueche Tran so that he could keep being “friends” with Rihanna. Now there is a class act who knows that it is everyone’s business if and when he breaks up with someone, and he takes the necessary steps to keep the public INFORMED. If George Clooney cared half as much about you and me as he does about the lost boys of Sudan or what’s happening in Syria’s civil war or whatever then he would TELL US ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Ugh. What an asshole!

Either way, you guys, I love celebrity gossip and I think that it is good for us and also important. Let’s keep participating in it and relishing and devouring it. Just like Halle Berry said in Monsters Ball when she fucked that magazine: MAKE ME FEEL GOOOOOD!

Comments (9)
  1. She just rebounded with this guy:

  2. Gabe just got pranked by the master.

  3. Learning that George Clooney has already started dating ladies younger than me makes me feel the same way I felt when I realized that I could no longer be an Olympic gymnast at the age of 8 or 9. I don’t really want it, I definitely don’t want to put forth the effort to get it, but… Sigh.

  4. George Clooney breaks up with people? I just assumed that when their partnership came to its end, the couple would walk to the beach at sunset, and she would return to him his seal skin, and bid him a fond adieu as he returned to his majestic kingdom under the sea.

  5. Chris Brown HAD to issue a press release. It was the only way he could the awkward ambiguity whenever one of his bros asked him “you hittin’ that?”

  6. I don’t get it. Why doesn’t somebody just check Clooney’s relationship status on facebook? We have the internet now people. Stop over-thinking things. (unless he blocked you. in which case, forget it. it’s hopeless)

  7. Honestly, the Keibs is lucky she’s lasted this long. The shelf life of an average Clooney girlfriend is 1 awards season +/- a few months.

  8. Could be the ultimate prank.

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