There has been a lot of talk and speculation about this week’s presidential debate: who won, who lost, who was stiff, who had Paulie Walnuts hair, and yet out of all the pundit-fueled noise, not a single voice has spoken up about both candidates’ complete silence on what they thought of The Master! Did they like it? Did they think it should have had more to say about Scientology? Can anyone beat Joaquin Phoenix at the Oscars? Zip. Radio silence. Unbelievable. Movie trailers:

The Lone Ranger

I, uh, I don’t, uh, I mean, OK. What? Sure. I guess? I will see this movie, but I do not understand what it is. A Lone Ranger movie starring the Winkelvoss Twins? As if either Armie Hammer OR the Lone Ranger are the biggest things on Earth? In which it seems like the Lone Ranger aspect of things was actually just tacked onto a completely different movie about trains? And Johnny Depp, don’t forget whatever is going on with Johnny Depp? OK. What? Sure. I guess?

A Good Day To Die Hard

YES! I am usually not a fan of teaser trailers because I am just like, “how about you give me the full trailer already,” but this is a perfect teaser trailer. I feel like I have said this before, but I cannot remember having as much fun at the movies as I did watching Die Hard 4. That movie is fucking perfect. So I am very excited for this movie!

Broken City

Ooh. What is this? I hadn’t even heard of this! This looks good. I’m not sure what voice Russell Crowe is doing, and OK this is a bit of a pastiche of every crooked crop, power triangle movie of the past 20 years, but Mark Wahlberg is the best and I love when people get in over their heads. Kanye West. Cruel Summer.

The Croods

This movie is for kids, and I hope they enjoy it.

Movie 43

You don’t see a lot of movies like this anymore: multiple storylines, each with different writers and directors? That is VERY ’90s. The whole thing was put together by the Farrelly brothers (The Three Stooges). Up to you, man.

Parker

You really have to hand it to Jason Statham. He figured out what he is good at, and he’s not messing with something that works. We should all pay attention. And see this fun looking movie!

Guilt Trip

Oy. I like Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand is a living legend. And I really like these types of stories in theory. I still maintain that That’s My Boy is a great idea. Father/son, mother/daughter, father/daughter, mother/son relationships are so ripe and relatable and intense and ridiculous! But then when it actually comes time to watch the movie I kind of feel like, uh, what else is on? Also, this movie really presupposes that there are a lot more Jews than I think there actually are.

The First Time

THIS FALL. GET. IT. WET.

Comments (24)
  1. To really send home how important trains were back then, I feel ‘The Lone Ranger’ trailer should’ve played Kylie Minogues “The Loco-Motion.”

  2. Movie 43 has been on IMDB forever, and that cast list is so impressive! I’m not crazy about the trailer, but I know I will watch this eventually.

  3. Referring to The Farrelly Brothers as being responsible for The Three Stooges is like calling David Fincher the guy who made Benjamin Button. Everybody makes mistakes, Gabe! The Farrelly Brothers have more than earned their lifetime pass!

  4. So, uh, what would we call what Johnny Depp is doing? Redface?

  5. I feel like this hasn’t been brought up enough, but Armie Hammer’s name.

    Armie. Hammer.

    • Short for Armand Hammer, the oil tycoon who was also his grandfather and has nothing to do with Arm & Hammer baking soda.

      • But the baking soda guy was also named Armand Hammer, that’s where the name/logo for the baking soda brand came from. I really don’t remember why I know that.

  6. Meh, I’ll wait for the Shia LeBouf Charlie Chan remake.

  7. Michael Chiklis? Wendell Pierce? Jay Stay kicking in doors and shooting people in the face? A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!!

  8. WHY DO THEY EVEN MAKE MOVIES THAT AREN’T DIE HARD??? I cannot wait to take myself to see it for Valentine’s Day!!!

  9. please tell me what music is in the Broken City trailer thanks in advance

  10. Really? Die Hard 4? I thought that one stunk. Die Hards 1 & 3 are total hoots, but that 4th one left me cold. I do like the look of this movie, though, so far. Die Hard in Europe! Hopefully, neither of us are disappointed.

    • Live Free Or Die Hard was complete garbage. But I’m thinking its entirely possible that Gabe meant what he said sarcastically. I don’t know how else to explain it.

  11. PARKER JUST LOOKS GOOD AS HELL

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