This video shows us nothing we do not know. No duh, ice cream is delicious. Everyone already knows that! It doesn’t even make me wish I could go back to the first time I tasted ice cream and experience it all over again because it doesn’t matter, it’s great right now, for the one billionth time. This little bit of viral marketing is basically Super Size Me 2. Ugh, that movie. If only Morgan Spurlock had actually died making that movie. Not because I wish him dead, but just because THEN the movie would have been kind of good. Whoa! He died? That’s nuts! Instead it is just a man noticing that he gets fat when he eats McDonald’s for every meal. Hey man, I could have told you that and saved you all the trouble! If they wanted to make this video interesting they would have taken it to its logical (haha, “logical”) extension and continued to feed these children ice cream until the smiles faded and blisters began to form on their lips and tongue and their skin turned sallow and goiters began to form on their necks. Now THAT is a video! I scream, you scream, we all scream for that terrible video!

Comments (20)
  1. I wonder if facetaco has a relevant terrifying gif for this post?

  2. now let’s make it their last time!

  3. Portrait of Jerry Gergich as a young man:

  4. I realized last night that I only had like one spoonful of ice cream all summer! I bought a scoop on my way to work one day but it was too much and I saw some girls from work and asked if they’d like some. Next thing I knew they had eaten the whole thing! And somehow that was the only ice cream I bought all summer. I should go out right now and eat like 5 pints to make up for it, but it’s so cold out! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME THIS SUMMER???

  5. Have you given Birdie ice cream yet? Can dogs eat ice cream?

    • There is doggie ice cream! Because dogs can’t have human ice cream!

      • It makes me very sad when I go to a grocery store and they don’t have non-dairy ice cream (tofutti or whatever), but they do have ice cream for dogs. The Invisible Hand of the Market is spooning ice cream into the mouths of dogs instead of the mouth of me!

        • Aw man! That IS a bummer. Do you have any kind of Whole Foods or local natural food stores roundabouts? My mom is lactose and casein intolerant and she gets weird stuff like ice cream made out of almond milk or whatever.

      • Whaaaat? This is not true. As long as it is not chocolate, and in small quantities, ice cream is perfectly fine for dogs. (It is not a ‘nutritious’ snack as is promised by Frosty Paws, but what do you expect, it’s freakin’ ice cream.)

  6. Everything about this was delightful, even the end when it said it was sponsored by Moose Tracks. I FREAKING LOVE MOOSE TRACKS. It’s the Official Ice Cream of Every Summer Estherson Childhood Birthday Party.

    Also, can I just say, I really question the parents of those older kids. How has your child reached the age of like five or so and not had ice cream? That’s mean. Kids should know what ice cream tastes like before the age of five or six. SO SAY I, SO SAY WE ALL.

    • Moose Tracks just has too much going on for me! I’m a very boring person, if I’m feeling adventurous I might throw some cinnamon into my vanilla ice cream, or go for a nut-based gelato. Moose Tracks just overwhelms me. My ex took me to one of those fancy cold marble ice cream places with a gazillion flavours and bits to add in for our first date and I was like “One scoop of vanilla in a bowl, please!” I’m surprised he ever called me again.

  7. Great video. A winner is we.

  8. Now i wish my girlfriend would dump me so i could be cinematically heartbroken

  9. I always loved the first time the babies had a taste of something that’s not baby food. They look at you accusingly, like “So where’ve you been hiding this?”

  10. As an ice cream industry insider i approve this video

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