Do you ever get the feeling that your life, and life in general, is too calm and safe? Do you wake up every morning and think, “If only I had one thing that kept me up a little too long last night and left me waking up with a headache from grinding my teeth, exhausted from tossing and turning through dreams where I try to punch people but for some reason the punch never lands.” “If only there were something in my life — I don’t know, I know this is kind of a stretch, but something like a big absolutely horrifying facehugger from Alien that I could put on my face, totally willingly, like, no one would be forcing me to do it at all, I would just BUY THE THING and PUT IT ON MY OWN FACE for NO REASON, and then also, if it doesn’t put anyone out, smoke pot out of? You know? If only there were that. I would buy it and put pot in it and put it right on my face and then smoke the pot and then get high. Also I hope that there’s blood on the mannequin.” – You. You’re always saying that, and now your dream has come truuuuee! CAPTION YOUR DREAM!

Full-size horrible Alien bong after the jump. Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. (Image via BuzzFeed.)

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Comments (31)
  1. The first bong that can steal your face right off your head.

  2. In space, no one can hear Dark Side of the Moon sync up with the Wizard of Oz.

  3. Related content:

  4. I can’t wait to take a huge ripley off that thing.

  5. Did you know that if your bong is bigger than your face you have cancer?

  6. Whoa… Did you realize that in, like, space… like… no one can hear you scream?

  7. The bong that can put its own finger over the carb.

  8. I mostly toke at night. Mostly.

  9. 2:1 odds that the first person who takes a rip off of this says “Game over, man. Game over!” and his friends fall down in hysterics.

  10. “This is going to work waaaaaaay better than my giant scarf vaporizer”-Amanda Bynes

  11. Apparently this was mandatory headgear for the replacement refs last night. #football

  12. “You guys. YOU GUYS! …I think it’s laced with acid.”

  13. “WHEN the weed IS ASHES…

    you have MY PERMISSION to munch.

    WAIT, WHAT movie is this from?”

  14. The fake blood on the mannequin really drives home that a giant glass face bong is dangerous. Not because it’s glass on your face, but because marijuana (or “Mary Jane” on the streets) is a terrible, addictive substance that causes more fatalities a year than heart attacks, cancer, car accidents and war — COMBINED.

  15. Hey come on, facehuggers are cute!

  16. Beats a pop can!

  17. Thanks, I’ll just keep using Michael Fassbender’s decapitated head.

  18. The Videogum Why Don’t You Capture My Heart? Contest: Alien Facehugger Bong

    ‘Cause you have.

  19. I don’t smoke, but if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t pick the bong that looks like a scorpion trying to impregnate my mouth.

  20. This might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen on Videogum. Yes, worse than the ice cream cannibal head NO DON’T POST IT AGAIN I AM SERIOUS.

  21. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  22. Kafkaesque, yo!

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