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There are some pretty decent trailers this week, you guys! There’s nothing crazy mind blowing or highly anticipated, just a solid week of middle-ground trailers for us all 2 enjoy. Sometimes movie trailers are just like regular life: slow and steady with nothing too exciting but at the end of the day you can look back and feel the rush of pride that comes with a hard day’s trailers. Movie trailers:
Gambit
This looks like a romp! The Coen Brothers make good movies, although their romps are kind of hit or miss. That being said, they are kind of hit or miss, so it’s not necessarily a miss, it could also be a hit. HIt or miss. Hit or miss. Coen Brothers. Movies!
Beautiful Creatures
This trailer almost makes me wish I was a teenage girl so I could enjoy this movie! If I was a teenage girl I would jerk off to this movie every day. NO, CHRIS HANSEN, IT WAS A JOKE PLEEAAASSSSSSE!
New The Hobbit
I didn’t watch this because it’s not like I’m not going to see The Hobbit. I am. So I’ll spare myself the two minutes. But I certainly hope this trailer was better than the first trailer, which literally looked like a 1990′s flashback clips episode of a Lord of the Rings sitcom. “Remember the time when Galadriel?” Boo.
The Conspiracy
Ugh. Another mockumentary? Enough with the mockumentaries. There has GOT to be a way to tell a compelling story that doesn’t involve using docu-tropes. I do like the idea of a movie about the illuminati, because that’s always fun, but are we really going to explore the idea that there is something to all of these conspiracy theories on the foundational grounds of 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB? Fuck you guys!
The Collection
No thank you! (Too bad that girl at the secret rave crossed that hidden murder machine trip wire that shut the whole club down, though. Maybe they would still be partying if she hadn’t!)
42
BANE! BLACK BANE! (This trailer does act like Batman at the beginning, yes?) In general, I am not a huge fan of biopics, and there is a special place in hell reserved for the countless historical dramas that focus on the white heroes of the civil rights movement as if that somehow makes up for and absolves the millions of non-heroic white people who actively participated in slavery and/or bigotry (which continues to this day, no doy). But this looks pretty good. That’s Harrison Ford by the way!
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If you have to make out with an old guy for conning purposes, you can do a lot worse than Alan Rickman. (I thought he was weirdly hot in Love, Actually, which I know is everyone’s favorite movie here.)
That movie was terrible. I love it anyway.
I honestly look forward to watching it around Christmas. It’s very cheesy and always makes me cry.*
*I once cried because of a particularly moving commercial for detergent
I’ve always had a soft spot for him since Sense and Sensibility.
I once spent the majority of a long car ride composing an essay in my head comparing and contrasting Colonel Brandon and Severus Snape. It was very moving. (But seriously you guys, they actually have some pretty interesting things in common?)
Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey? Christopher Meloni as Leo Durocher? One ticket, please.
You think The Conspiracy is a mockumentary? It’s real. It happened and if you don’t think so you’re a sheep. BAAAA. SHEEEP.
Yeah, we all know that 9/11 was an inside job masterminded by The Illuminati and carried out by Freemasons in conjunction with the Lizard people from underneath Mount Shasta.
Art heists are always the best movies!!
And Colin Firth essentially playing Michael Caine? And Alan Rickman? And Stanley Tucci??? (I like Cameron Diaz when she’s wacky so sure, why not… yay Cameron Diaz.)
This movie will be fantastic, though to be honest, I see any movie that is about art heists and/or stars Stanley Tucci. That man is a national treasure.
Art heists movies are pretty great, but they are really just a subset of movies involving capers, and capers are the best. This is why I used to carry a book of matches with the name of a bar on it. So if I died, a detective could find the matchbook and go there to investigate, and it would lead to capers.
A caper is just an olive’s less popular cousin, but I agree they’re overlooked. They’re amazing on pizza.
Oh, you!
I love this idea. Unfortunately, any detective who found my body would scroll through my FourSquare check-ins instead. There’s a reason contemporary mystery writers do not love dealing with technology.
Amen to that. I love me some Tucci.
The Coen Brothers are responsible for No Country for Old Men and The Big Lebowski, probably 2 of my top 5 favorite movies ever. So even if Gambit is Wicker Man remake levels of terrible, I will still give them a free pass.
Let’s not forget Fargo, Raising Arizona, and Intolerable Cruelty. They’re amazing. Still, they already used one pass for A Serious Man, so I’m not sure I could forgive them if they break my heart again.
I have only seen the last like 1/2 to 2/3 of Fargo, so I missed the part at the beginning where William H. Macy arranges to have his own wife kidnapped. I assumed it was a straightforward kidnapping, and was quite a bit more horrified than everyone else in the room when shit was going down for the rest of the movie. So what I’m saying is I should rewatch Fargo.
42 looks good.
What a shame the director of The Collection was killed by that werewolf because that flick looks great.