As you may recall, because it only happened just yesterday, and I genuinely hope your brain is not THAT swiss of a cheese, but Lindsay Lohan got into some hot water (hot water!) earlier this week (as if she’s ever in any other temperature of water?) after she allegedly hit someone with her Porsche and then fled the scene. The whole thing is a bit stupid to say the least. I mean, the guy she hit “ran” after her, so how bad could he have been hurt? And I guess some cops looked at some security footage and couldn’t determine if her car even touched the guy. (Wow, I cannot believe we are even still talking about this, but what else are we going to do before we die? Read a book? Don’t make me laugh.) Mainly, though, you should just not flee a scene ever, especially when you’re an actress with a history of bad decision making and reckless endangerment. (See also: Amanda Bynes.) Lindsay Lohan is such a prime target for ridicule, or at least skepticism and disdain, that this whole thing has made her an easy subject for those things I just mentioned. Until now! Because she’s getting some pretty strong defense from former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash (?!?!?!). Slash defended her on TWITTER. That’s right. SLASH broke his legendary silence on TWITTER to defend LINDSAY LOHAN from her VEHICULAR NEGLIGENCE charges. What a world! From TMZ (with annotation):

More drama [Good use of the word "drama"] in the Lindsay Lohan arrest — Slash just posted a tweet IN SUPPORT of the actress … claiming he’s 100% positive [He claims no such thing?] she didn’t do anything wrong … however there are some holes in the rock star’s story [Haha, his "story" is a tweet, of course there are holes in it].

It’s interesting [Is it?] because Lindsay was backstage at the Slash’s NYC concert [Wait, what?] minutes before she allegedly she drove her Porsche into a pedestrian … a pedestrian who claims Lindsay reeked of booze at the time. But Slash says … “The situation last night w/Lindsey was a lame paparazzi stunt. She didn’t do anything. it’s being blown out of proportion.” [100%]

Couple of problems with Slash’s tweet — first, he wasn’t with Lindsay at the time of the alleged incident and wouldn’t be in a position to confirm or deny the collision. Second, there were no paparazzi around at the time of the alleged incident … so it’s hard to believe the whole thing was a paparazzi stunt. [Rest your case, TMZ!]

However, Slash WAS hanging out with LiLo backstage at his show [Can you imagine? Those two? You can, actually! It's weird and uncomfortable but you can do it!] … and would know if she reeked of booze when she left for the hotel … as the alleged victim claims. Judging from the tweet, sounds like Slash is convinced Lindsay was sober when she got behind the wheel. [Fucking Sherlock Fucking Einstein over here.]

You know it’s a real good journalism scoop if it includes the phrase “JUDGING FROM THE TWEET.” Will Slash’s defense tweet hold up in court? That will be up to Judge Ito to decide. For now, all we can do is continue to follow this important story of who is tweeting what about the thing that may or may not have happened to that person who was famous one time.

Comments (16)
  1. Now if only we can get R&B singer Tweet to write a slashfic about herself and Lindsay, the cycle will be complete and we can all die happy.

  2. I don’t believe him. I think he’s making it up. Sounds like a typical case of Slash Fiction.

  3. Hey, you guys remember yesterday when I 12 Angry Menned the shit outta this case? Looks like the police were picking up what I was putting down!

  4. AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH. Oh my god. Of course. Let’s all deeply analyze everyone’s tweets forever. I mean, clearly, clearly, CLEARLY they are all super well thought out statements that deserve intense scrutiny. All the cases that ever were are now rested.

    • Although to be fair, if he were alive and bothered to use Twitter (which he is not and would not), Ernest Hemingway would DEFINITELY lend some legitimacy to the use of tweets.

  5. I’m no big city lawyer, and perhaps there’s a variation between the civil law and common law so bear with me, but I do believe that in certain cases tweets can definitely hold up in court. From what I recall, as long as the judge AND jury are all fans of Slash and/or GnR (which, let’s be honest, OF COURSE THEY ARE), and can all agree what level of importance his tweetstimony should have (ranging in importance from very important to the most important), they might not even need any witnesses.

  6. Yikes. If TMZ decides to analyze my last Tweet I’ll be commenting from jail.

  7. She should move to New York where it’s legal (according to unreliable 4th-hand information I’ve heard while drinking in Irish Pubs) to drive over pedestrians’ heads like watermelons.

  8. The guy who got hit should have SLASHed her tires. Huh? Huh?

  9. “that swiss of a cheese” is going to be the name of the authorized biography of my band after we fall apart, and that biography will also be the catalyst for a reconciliation, and we will go on That Swiss of a Cheese reunion tour.

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