Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: what’s up?
Kelly: Nothing!!!!!!!!
Kelly: Is anything up with you?
Gabe: hmmm
Gabe: not too much
Gabe: still thinking about the Revolution pilot
Gabe: WHAT IS IN THE COMPUTER?!
Gabe: hatches on hatches on hatches
Kelly: Oh, sure. It’s one of those things that you’re going to have to watch a few times to really “get”
Gabe: you’re probably right
Kelly: I think so
Gabe: i don’t mind though
Gabe: it’s sooooo great i’m so happy to watch it 100 times
Kelly: That’s great!
Kelly: You have to take happiness where you can get it in this world.
Gabe: you really do, and i take it in rewatching the Revolution pilot
Gabe: well, this has been another great chat, i guess i will talk to you later
Kelly: Gabe!!!

Kelly: Stay and talk to meeeeeee
Kelly: I wanna chaaaaaaatttuhhhh
Gabe: about what?
Gabe: the revolution pilot?
Gabe: where did that one girl get a tin star wars lunchbox?
Gabe: she was, like, seven in 2012
Kelly: WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THE REVOLUTION PILOT ENOUGH!
Kelly: Let’s talk about something I am interested in
Kelly: Like, I don’t know, Jennifer Aniston
Kelly: Did you see her new Smartwater commercial?

Gabe: oof, yeah
Gabe: good commercial!
Gabe: one of the best commercials
Kelly: I really like how she takes on, like, EVERY rumor without fear.
Kelly: The rumor of how she’s pregnant, the rumor of how she wears a wig, the rumor of how she crashes a car, the rumor of how Jimmy Kimmel is her son
Kelly: And the rumor of how her other son is an alien
Kelly: All the big ones
Gabe: so many great rumors helping us to enjoy a great water
Kelly: “These rumors are makin’ me thirsty!”
Gabe: if there’s one thing that i enjoy as much as water with electrolytes in it
Gabe: it’s poorly written and executed parodic humor about celebrity gossip
Gabe: and now i can have both in one ad!
Kelly: It’s perfect
Kelly: Mad Men everywhere will be studying it for years
Kelly: But guess who doesn’t like it
Kelly: Times up
Kelly: MARTHA STEWART

Kelly: Of course
Gabe: WHOA
Gabe: WHY NOT?
Kelly: Of course Martha Stewart has a problem with it.
Gabe: IT’S PERFECT!
Gabe: i’m just glad that the news stayed on top of what martha stewart thought about the jennifer aniston smart water commercial
Gabe: GET THAT SCOOP, JOURNALISTS!
Kelly: Hahah
Kelly: It seems like she was on the Today show this morning JUST to talk about it?
Kelly: I don’t know
Kelly: But she revealed that she doesn’t like Jennifer’s SmartWater commercial on the Today show this morning because she thinks it sets a bad example for the youth of America
Kelly: re: wrapping a pregnant stomach
Gabe: you know what else sets a bad example?
Gabe: going to jail
Gabe: BOOM!@
Kelly: HHAAHAHA
Kelly: Ahhhhhh
Kelly: GOTCHA MARTH
Gabe: if you live in a glass JAIL don’t throw stones
Gabe: wait, Martha Stewart is 71?
Kelly: No way
Gabe: WHAT IS IN THOSE CAKES SHE IS BAKING?!
Kelly: hahahaha

Kelly: Is she really 71?
Gabe: https://www.google.com/search?q=martha+stewart+age&sugexp=chrome,mod=19&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
Kelly: Maybe she’s lying about her age, like actresses do.
Gabe: we share a birthday
Kelly: Aww, congrats!
Gabe: the exact same day
Gabe: and year
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: You should ask her how she stays so young looking!
Gabe: no wonder she doesn’t like that commercial
Gabe: i mean, yes, the commercial is completely awful
Gabe: but also she is 71
Gabe: she probably doesn’t like anything
Gabe: she probably thinks Maroon 5 sounds like “pots and pans banging together”
Gabe: when in truth
Gabe: they are a hot new band playing music for today
Kelly: You’re probably right, I think you’ve gotten to the bottom of the whole thing
Kelly: It only took one quick google
Kelly: To figure out why Martha is being such an insufferable bitch about Jennifer Aniston’s new perfect SmartWater ad
Gabe: got a question?
Gabe: ask Google
Gabe: [SPONSORED BY BING]

Comments (17)
  1. Yes, but what does Gwyneth Paltrow think?

  2. WHOEVER WROTE THIS GARBAGE: MAROON FIVE IS THE GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD. THEIR LIVE SHOWS LEAVE PEOPLE APPALLED. SO BEFORE YOU WRITE ANYTHING ELSE NEXT TIME GO FUCK YOURSELF.

  3. Are there commercials parodying the insatiable public hunger for celebrity bitch fights?

  4. If Martha Stewart had bothered to watch the Revolution pilot she would know to be grateful for any TV commercial because it means we still have electricty and not revolution!

  5. Martha Stewart is seriously 71!? Martha,

  6. I thought the same thing about that lunch box. Did she loot a comic book store?

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