revolution

JJ Abrams’s new show Revolution premieres tonight on NBC at 10PM Eastern. Yay? Revolution is this year’s Terra Catraz River Event. I guess the basic premise is that something happens and all of the technology is destroyed and now it is 15 years later and everyone makes their own butter by hand and has sword fights because of how guns run on batteries? Right. Why do shows set in post-Apocalyptic nightmares always feature so many swords? We don’t use swords now, why would we use swords when the world was even WORSE? “You don’t have to reload a sword.” Well guess what, there’s a lot of things you don’t have to do, because this isn’t real. I’m just saying: swords are ridiculous. But, so, about Revolution, the thing is we are talking about a very high concept premise that could theoretically good, but we are all every single one of us pretty sure that it might not deliver because we are human and we have memories of past experiences and also the ability to recognize patterns. But if you ARE going to watch Revolution tonight, you might as well drink about it. I have not seen this show, so these rules may or may not end up making any sense, but based on the show’s promo trailer, you should drink every time that:

  • People use technology in a way that no one actually uses technology but that is supposed to remind us of how reliant we all are on technology.
  • There is a shot of something with plants growing out of it that isn’t supposed to have plants growing out of it!
  • Someone makes a pop cultural reference that would even be out of date now much less whenever this show is supposed to take place.
  • A mysterious plot line is opened that you can just tell will never be closed.
  • Someone has perfect hair and teeth but you know life is tough because there’s a smudge of dirt on their cheek.
  • Giancarlo Esposito makes you wish this was just more episodes of Breaking Bad.
  • There is a visual reference to the old west and medieval times in the same scene.
  • The nerd does something nerdy even though we are now in a world that has none of the referents or structures to even support the existence of a “nerd.”
  • Despite years of privation, struggle, sacrifice, and raw survival, someone cracks wise.
  • It turns out that a good guy is a bad guy or vice versa.
  • Something happens where you are just like, “JJ ABRAMMMMMMS!!!!!”

Have fun, you guys. Be safe. The Revolution will be televised LOLOL (I can’t wait for a world of no blogs! Worth it!).

Comments (48)
  1. Drink every time there’s a Smoke Monster.

  2. Drink every time you miss LOST.

  3. my dad is going to love this show.

  4. Drink every time you think you’ve been on a date with that guy in the AC/DC shirt.

  5. Drink every time someone wishes they had a good idea, but can’t because light bulbs don’t exist.

  6. From the looks of this show, I think I’d need an i.v. with those rules. I disagree about the sword thing. There’s ton of folks just waiting for a reason to walk around with a sword. Sword’s are badass. That noise they make when you pull them out of the sword cosy is awesome.

  7. I’m alresy shit -housed from all teh traillers, u guyzz!!

  8. drink every time you ask yourself why you are watching Revolution

  9. Drink for every unaired episode you watch on the “complete” series Blu-ray set after this gets cancelled after one season.

  10. “Who’s laughing now?!” – The Amish

  11. Drink every time you say you want a Revolution

  12. Drink every time the set/costumes/use of archery was clearly inspired by The Hunger Games

  13. too bad there wasnt a similarly skeptical attitude about LOST, which everyone here loved and wanted to marry

  14. Drink every time someone is confounded when they find an innocuous item, like a flashlight, even though they are 20-something years old and would have experienced and remembered what a flashlight was before electricity went away.

  15. Drink every time you can’t get past the premise that electricity can cease to exist in the world.

    • Add another shot for when electricity going away also means that planes fall from the sky all guns cease to fire at exactly that same moment when the electricity goes out.

      • Do they really show that in the trailer (all guns stop working)? Because that’s pretty nuts. I could see people resorting to swords (or “sharp things”) because of how it would probably be super hard to get ammunition if there are no factories producing it, but if they’re really somehow implying that some planetary force made gunpowder stop working then… JJ ABRAMMMMMMS!!!!!

        *Note: I refuse to actually watch the trailer to find this out for myself.

        • wait – did no one on the show just try moving the donkey wheel a few notches? i didn’t watch it, but i’m assuming that is what the title of the show is referring to. revolve the donkey wheel, save the world.

  16. Drink every time there is a fight or a struggle or a moment of solemn longing for something that everyone would have given up caring about 3-14 years earlier, like flush toilets and the internet.

  17. Drink every time there’s a mad scientist who thinks he might be on the verge of getting a tesla coil or whatever to work but when he gathers the other characters to witness his triumph, he fails.

  18. Drink every time someone drops a brand reference to describe something because 15 years into a post-apocalyptic world you’re still brand-loyal.

    • Drink every time someone finds a perfectly preserved case of refreshing Sierra Mist and comments on how the refreshing, natural lemon-lime flavor transports them to a better time.

  19. Drink every time

  20. Drink every time the usual Abrams eerie music comes on, and you’re like, “uh, this is the same sound from Lost…” and you realize that this is lazy TV.

  21. Drink every time you pick up a glass and move it towards your face I don’t understand this game.

  22. Drink every time Peyton Manning throws an interception.

    NO STOP! I TAKE THIS BACK!!!! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!

  23. I’m DVRd this and I’m gonna like it because…March 31 GOT.

  24. Drink every time you want to punch the main character, Katniss, in the mouth.

  25. I saved up all my drinks for when they revealed that even though batteries don’t work, combustion engines don’t work, and electricity doesn’t work….

    GUNS still work.

    WTF?

    • I was wondering about this. Are modern cars too dependent on their electrical systems for their combustion engines to work without electricity?

      Couldn’t someone make an old-timey car?

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