Can you imagine? Just imagine. These two nincompoops in, like, a cigar bar, talking about politics? Gahhh! “I don’t like this champagne, it’s too classy. Do you have any kind of flavored martinis or maybe just a body shot of Jaeger?” The best part about that made up quote is it is not ENTIRELY clear which of them would say it. How is Kim Kardashian undecided in the election? What is the burning issue that neither candidate has successfully addressed to her liking? “We need a President who is going to make sexy work out clothes mandatory at the gym, because I’m tired of people at the gym not looking super sexy, and frankly neither of these politicians has said anything more than empty rhetoric on this important issue.” Did you know that Kim Kardashian runs a charity that helps women…pick out an outfit…for their job interview? That’s a charity! (It doesn’t matter how any of us may or may not know about this, and who watched how many hours of a Keeping Up with the Kardashians marathon on an airplane last night or anything. Don’t get hung up on the details. You’re missing the nightmare forest for the barf trees.) She gets it. She wants to heal America, one pre-owned pantsuit at a time. And that is why she is asking America to consider: “are you wearing a better pre-owned pantsuit to the job interview now than you were to the job interview four years ago?” Meanwhile, Donald Trump is just sitting in the corner, pouting. He knows that he has a lot of very valuable racism that he would like to shout in someone’s face if only given the opportunity. It makes him sick to think of all the voters out there who might make a mistake in the voting booth this November because they haven’t heard his beet-faced racist conspiracy theories. But you do what you can. Life is hard. Please RT. (Thanks for the tip, Fondue Cheddar.)

Comments (32)
  1. I’ll bet this is just a Trumped up excuse to get some alone time with Kim.

  2. Three words: Tax. Free. Spanx.

  3. To be fair, I’d also like to hear more about this sexy workout clothes initiative.

  4. Why stop at those two? Let’s get Dr. Phil and Andy Dick in this round table too. It can be like Meet The Garbage Press or something.

  5. FIRE THE VOTE!

  6. You kept up with the Kardashians whilst IN THE SKY? This truly is the future.

  7. Obama has gone on the record calling Kanye West a jackass. Twice. If she’s a good, submissive girlfriend, she’ll know exactly who to vote for!

  8. Don’t be such a hater, Gabe. Kim is very engaged in social issues, and based on this tweet she’s probably just waiting to hear more about the candidates’ views on education:

  9. Obama’s policies are like a cancer for our society. And Kim knows firsthand what that is like.

  10. You know he just watched the KK sex tape and is hoping for a little dirty old man action.

  11. I read somewhere that the Kardashians only give the minimum — 10%? — they are legally required to give when they raise money for charity. So the idea of Kim keeping 90 out of 100 donated pantsuits used to help poorer women interview for white collar jobs* is as infuriating as it is funny.

    • I just checked into that, which, it’s KIND OF embarassing to be looking up anything to do with a Kardashian at work, but these are the things I do for you people. You’re right, she does eBay auctions and only donates 10% of the proceeds to charity. Kinda awful, but I’m actually not THAT upset by it. 10% of the proceeds = a pretty paltry sum, but it’s better than 0% of the proceeds. I still wouldn’t support her, but donations ARE donations, and every bit counts.

      • Or she could just not do charity auctions FOR THE MONEY… And just get rich off Kardashian-branded perfumes, clothing, debit cards and whatever else she can put her creepy little likeness upon.

        She’s gross.

        • She COULD, and she IS gross, but it doesn’t seem likely that she WILL. I’d rather her get rich and give 10% of the proceeds to charity than to see her NOT get rich(er) and give 0% of the proceeds to charity.

    • you think 10% of donated pantsuits are cute? i would imagine it’s something closer to 1%. so 99% go to the 99%

    • * This was a main staple of the nonprofit I worked at in college when Wisconsin was transitioning into Welfare To Work. And while it sounds silly to people who probably have enough cultural capital to know you dress up for interviews, I was training some people who very much did not. Plus even the cheapest suit is pretty expensive and required for an interview for a desk job. Hell, even telemarketing expects you to dress up at first. So while her charity is very trite, it is a necessary part of an archaic social program that was born out of Baraboo, Wisconsin and is now implemented on the nation as a whole. And when I was interning in Milwaukee in the mid-90s, GOOD GOD that was a terribly designed social program. And the worst part? Gov. Thompson (Bush’s pick for Health and Human Services) was pushing it to be national and a ton of newspapers (NYT, Washington Post) came to observe… So we had a lot of fake meetings with fake data showing positive returns, when the reality was very much not that.

      So, anyway, it’s a strange cause… But one that has to exist so people can not fail interviews and their kids can eat (if the national program mimics the one I worked with).

      • I like the idea of the program for sure. Good suits and work clothes are expensive, yo! And I totally get that there are people who have no idea what is and isn’t appropriate for a professional job/work setting and need help. It’s just unfortunate that KK has plastered her name onto it, because it does make is seem somehow…trivial? And silly? Even when it’s not.

        • Plus isn’t she known for wearing clothes that are comically inappropriate for most jobs that aren’t being a gross nightmare person?

        • I once read a helpful pamphlet that advised me not only to look nice on an interview, but also not to chew gum or wear headphones.

          So there are enough people out there who do those things to justify an entire pamphlet.

  12. Please, like Beyonce and Jay would ever let Kim within 100 feet of them again if she doesn’t vote for Obama. They barely tolerate her now.

  13. ”Start from behind, then slowly work your way to the front”
    – Donald Trump on sex and hairstyle

  14. She maintains the illusion of indecision because indecision implies, among other things, your ability to consider multiple thoughts simultaneously or at the very least in quick succession. Clearly this exists beyond the realm of her capabilities, save perhaps for multiple options involving a price tag.

  15. Tweet 2/2: @KimKardashian @MittRomney = more money for you and me. That was easy!

  16. I don’t want to defend Kim Kardashian and I don’t want to be all serious (and I don’t know which charity she works for), but Dress for Success and Clothes that Work are both really great charities. A lot of people do not have attire that would be appropriate for a job interview, and that is a huge hindrance in getting a job. The charities also help women (and men) with interview prep, tips about appearance in interviews (don’t wear too much cologne, don’t smoke before the interview, wear minimal make-up, if you have glasses– wear them, make sure your clothes are pressed and wrinkle-free, etc). Anyway, if you are getting rid of suits or other interview-appropriate attire, I would recommend donating it to one of those organizations.

    But otherwise, Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump are both nightmares pretending to be humans. Also, Obama called Kim’s boyfriend a jackass, so that might be why she’s undecided.

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  18. You nailed one thing Gabe, a nightmare forest would definitely be filled with barf trees.

  19. Apparently she would vote for Romney, but she’s put off by the GOP’s homophobia.

    I’m not proud of myself for knowing this.

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