In a recent profile piece on American reality TV star, Kim Kardashian, and her multi-media “brand” in The Guardian UK, Kim talks about her brief and unsuccessful marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries, and compares their divorce to a child having cancer because OF COURSE SHE DOES LIKE NO DUH YES, SHE IS GOING TO DO THAT NO NO NO DUH.

“We had done filming our season at that point, so we decided to film for the wedding. And that was a decision that [Kris Humphries] and I made together. But I think that, with any decisions in life, like, I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.”

“Wow, what an asshole,” said no one. I mean, she is an asshole, but we already know that so what’s even the point of saying it again? I do love how completely un-self-aware and without guile she is that she is still mostly just trying to get Good Person Points for having visited with a young woman suffering from cancer, but can’t manage to do even that, which is obnoxious and self-promotional in and of itself, without just turning it into another important koan about Kardashian Life. Amazing. “The other day I was meeting with disfigured soldiers through my charity foundation and I realized, you know, like how difficult life can be for so many people. Like, my brother Rob missed some important deadlines and now his sock line isn’t going to be ready to ship to Gadzooks in the fall and he’s having a really hard time with it. But that’s what’s so amazing about human beings is that we persevere despite the odds, and I think Rob is going to pull through this and his sock line is going to be a huge success.” Do you like how my joke quote was basically exactly as awful as the real quote? Me too! Get it? ME ME ME ME ME ME.

Comments (37)
  1. They that the Make A Wish foundation would never let a reality TV star swim with dolphins, and she’s like “So, of course I’m so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want.”

  2. Not that it really matters, but if she was 18, it wasn’t a child with cancer, that is a person of legal age with cancer. But Kim Kardashian is still an asshole.

  3. I love reading stuff like this but I never have anything witty to say about it. “Keep it coming” -fatima

  4. I was talking to this guy the other day who had accidentally let his kid drown when he fell asleep by the pool and I thought about this one time where I made cookies but accidentally used salted butter and they turned out terribly. You just really have to stay on top of things, ya know?

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  6. I wish Marky Mark would have been there to stop that wedding. #neverforget

  7. It’s kind of true, but instead of chemo she gets money.

  8. She needs to stick to economic talks on CNN.

  9. “When life gives you lemons, think about how lemons are as bad as it gets.” – KK

  10. Oh man, can you imagine if she DID have cancer? She would never shut up about it, and then we’d all have to hate someone for having cancer, and we’d all feel a little bit worse about ourselves.

  11. isn’t she just saying that she knows how it feels to be 18 making the cancer bit irrelevent ?

  12. yes, and most of all, the major lesson any young person with cancer comes away is learning who your friends are.

  13. no, she was saying that much her divorce was tough and taught her who her real friends were just like cancer did for the teenage girl

    i mean this girl didn’t have to suffer through cancer publicly but it’s still about the same thing

  14. Well, I’m inspired. Every time I meet a kid with cancer I’m going to shrug and say, “That’s how I feel!” and pat the kid on the head, and then rush to the nearest restroom to wash my hands of the sickly peasant. Then I’ll go buy some diamonds and just…lay around for a while, stroking my diamonds, thinking about how terrible it was for me having to talk to some gross cancer baby.

  15. her divorce is alot like cancer in that I’m tired of hearing about it

  16. Or, as i like to call her in semi french : Kim Karda-chienne (french word for bitch pronounced shi-an)

  17. What do you want to bet that she was checking her Twitter the whole time the girl was talking.

  18. You know what was great? Tuning in to the Today Show this morning as you were getting ready for work, thinking, “Surely, there will be some sort of 9/11 ceremony or memorial going on or at least they’ll be talking about it in some way. Since I will be at work when the big memorial happens it would be nice to see something about it,” and then realizing that they are not, in fact, talking about 9/11 at all, and are interviewing Kris Jenner about her terrible family and her “brave”decision to allow the cameras to follow her into the operating room when she got her breast implants replaced.

  19. Sigh. No energy to make a joke. She sold every media right they could for the wedding and made $17.9 MILLION off a marriage that didn’t last 100 days. Comparing that to cancer is just vile. Ugh.

    And I really, really hope she just thought, “that’s how I feel” and didn’t say it out loud to the girl who had cancer. Though she said it to the media, so, same thing. Fuck her.

  20. Wait, I don’t even understand her quote? Like is she calling this girl’s cancer a DECISION? Gabe, your parody quote was too coherent.

  21. kim went on to explain that she knew exactly how learning life lessons after battling cancer felt, because last week she had been talking to josh, and he explained the difference between high school girls and college girls.

  22. Isn’t it about time we threw her in the trash heap of human memes with the Hilton Sisters and The Snapple Lady?

  23. I have to ask, why focus on her in particular? Not to be classist, but she’s really not any more hateful than anyone else who has let unearned/inherited wealth replace empathy (and that’s a lot of people).

  24. Am i dead? Is this hell?

  25. Good marriages are made. They don’t just fall from heaven or off the pages of a romance novel. Unfortunately, many couples still believe that everything will be just fine after the wedding. Well, the wedding may have been absolutely lovely but the hard work of the marriage comes right after!

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