Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: hey Gabe!
Gabe: how’s it going?
Kelly: It’s going pretty well! How’s it going with you?
Gabe: fine, thanks
Kelly: Are you feeling OK? I know you had a cold yesterday.
Gabe: KELLY!
Gabe: please keep my medical history PRIVATE
Gabe: would you like it if told everyone
Gabe: about the warts on your eyes?
Gabe: that is between you and your doctor and me
Kelly: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kelly: Gabe!!!!! The warts on my eyes and you having a cold are two totally different things!
Gabe: we will let the people decide what is the same and what is different now
Gabe: according to Judge Kelly
Gabe: who allows bloggers into the courtroom, apparently
Kelly: Now I’m not even sure if I’m Judge Kelly of if I’m just a blogger in the courtroom
Gabe: me neither
Gabe: you better go to jail just in case
Kelly: ok, goodbye!
Gabe: bye great talking to you feel better put some cream on it
Kelly: STOP!!!!

Kelly: Before I go to jail though, is it ok if we talk about James Franco one last time
Gabe: oh please, let’s
Gabe: your final chat before the green miles
Gabe: R.I.P.
Kelly: Gabe, you cannot talk about the Green Mile right now!
Gabe: not making lazy references to the green mile in iChat isn’t going to bring Michael Clarke Duncan back, Kelly
Kelly: Well now we’ll never know, will we.
Kelly: In any case
Gabe: uh oh
Gabe: well, at least he’s probably a lawyer too and can represent himself in court?
Kelly: I’ll have to check into that but it sounds right
Gabe: “I am studying to become judge, jury, and executioner and also making a documentary about that and also gay porn and here’s a painting of a poem i made and also i made you a cappucino from the beans I grew.”
Gabe: that is him making his final arguments
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: who is suing him?
Gabe: and for what?
Kelly: I’m so glad you asked.
Kelly: Remember when his acting professor gave him a D?

Gabe: hahahaha WHO COULD FORGET
Gabe: hold on, let me just pull up
Gabe: my franco google doc
Gabe: where i keep a calendar
Gabe: of all the franco events
Kelly: It was December of last year
Kelly: If that helps
Gabe: thanks
Kelly: Well that acting professor’s contract with NYU wasn’t picked up again or whatever
Kelly: And now he’s suing James Franco
Gabe: well, good, i guess? I hope he wins it sounds like the trial of the century
Gabe: it is OUR generation’s OJ vs. Jon Benet Ramsey trial
Kelly: Still so crazy how that one turned out
Gabe: who could have believed it was the butler in the drawing room with candlestick
Kelly: Well here’s the thing about it
Kelly: NYU is saying that they let him go because he told the press or whatever that James Franco got a D in his class because he missed 12 out of 14 classes
Kelly: And HE is saying that they let him go because he wasn’t nice enough to James Franco
Kelly: And now JAMES FRANCO is saying in interviews that he was the worst teacher ever and will never get a teaching job again because he was so bad
Kelly: And now the teacher is suing James Franco
Kelly: Quite a complicated case I do not know how the courts will handle it we’ll have to stay tuned

Gabe: this is one of those weird situations where
Gabe: i genuinely get kind of anxious
Gabe: not about how it is going to turn out
Gabe: i don’t care
Gabe: i hope they all get the death penalty
Kelly: whoa
Gabe: but just, like
Gabe: on the one hand it sounds like this guy might have lost his job because of something to do with james franco one way or the other
Gabe: on the other hand celebrities do make easier targets for frivolous and/or predatory lawsuits
Gabe: so i don’t know WHO to trust!
Gabe: i guess our only hope is that it will go to the supreme court
Gabe: and they will make a landmark decision on whether or not
Gabe: celebrities are to blame for everything
Kelly: It’s sad that it will finally come to that but it is also sad that it HAS to.
Gabe: it’s all going to come down to Justice Stevens AS USUAL who will make the deciding vote on whether or not to repeal James Franco
Gabe: or to uphold him
Kelly: Or to rip off his mask and reveal himself as having been the real James Franco the whole time
Gabe: classic
Gabe: hang that mask up in the museum
Kelly: Next to James Franco’s millions of report cards.
Gabe: and it will be called artFAIL
Kelly: And no one will go to it
Kelly: Because the doors will be locked
Gabe: yes
Gabe: it closes three days before it opens
Gabe: with musical performances by Mr. Brainwash
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: just kidding
Gabe: with musical performances by James Franco
Gabe: well, i hope everything works out for everybody and that the guy who may or may not be a bad teacher finds a happy and fulfilling life outside of NYU and that James Franco continues his education and earns his degree in Planet of the Apes 2: Planeter of the Apeser
Kelly: Well said. CASE CLOSED!

Comments (39)
  1. Palo Alto a novel by James Franco is seriously a novel by James Franco.

  2. Why didn’t Gabe rest his case?

    • He did not rest his case, and that’s the best evidence we have that “Gabe” was portrayed by James Franco in this particular A Friendly Chat.

  3. I hope he doesn’t take an arm and a leg!


  4. What I would give to be a fly on that jury.

  5. They’ve really upped their game here. Kelly initially was just getting fired, no harm there. Now she’s slightly nudged to go to jail. Next thing you know she’ll have to go a Hunger Games death arena.

  6. Everyone knows there are two types of professors: Ones who give James Franco a ‘D’ and ones who get tenure.

  7. i heard a hooker is suing Jeremy Piven for saying she fucked like dogshit and has not been able to since!

  8. Gabe, Justice Stevens is not James Franco in a mask. Don’t be ridiculous. He’s clearly Andy Serkis in a motion capture suit.


  10. I was trying to figure out why this story was confusing me, and then I realized – it doesn’t involve James Franco doing anything ridiculous. I kept wanting to read it as a story about James Franco suing his professor for giving him a D, as a piece of performance art/revenge for an unfair grade on a really great paper on William Faulkner and 3D cinema.

  11. NYU has launched the academic and professional careers of Howard Zinn, Charles Simic, Mohamed El Baradei, Joseph Brodsky, Salvatore Ferragamo, Laurence Tisch, Tony Kushner, etc., but I’m sure they pissed that all away to preserve good standing with the star power of James Franco. Definitely.

  12. I don’t really trust James Franco’s opinions on his professors after seeing the trailer for The Letter.

  13. Franco needs to just admit that he submitted the wrong episode of General Hospital for his final project and leave it at that.

  14. Gabe: “I am studying to become judge, jury, and executioner and also making a documentary about that and also gay porn and here’s a painting of a poem i made and also i made you a cappucino from the beans I grew.”

    I laughed so hard at this I choked to death. I am now typing this as a ghost. In lieu of flowers, please give my upvotes to Gary.

  15. I thought James Franco went to Columbia not NYU. Just googled it and he went to BOTH. OF course he did. I”m sure he went to Harvard, Oxford and Cambridge too!

  16. Out: Twitter eulogies. In: Lazy iChat references.

  17. Now I know I’m new and annoying to the commenting here and all, but has anyone suggested yet that maybe, occasionally, possibly, but rarely, not always, sometimes, maybe, oh I already wrote maybe, but, that maybe you two (Kelly and Gabe) might possibly once or twice do a Friendly Chat post as a VIDEO Friendly Chat? Maybe just once, test the waters and so forth. Like a Skype thing if you two don’t interact in person (or do you? (I bet you have a lot of SEX)). Do you guys hate me now? I don’t see why you would hate me so much; I’m just a simple little lady with little lady brains who’s simply curious about a thing.

  18. Franco’s grade will be changed to an A+ when he takes the witness stand and declares, “Aaaaand Scene” and takes a bow.

  19. One thing, and only one thing, about this doesn’t make sense. If James Franco only went to 2 of the 14 classes, how does he know that the professor is the worst professor? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I propose that one of these two people is not telling the whole truth!!! I REST MY CASE, YOUR HONOUR.

  20. Here’s just a very good james Franco impression:

  21. Why don’t they just fire all of the teachers and replace them with James Franco.Everybody be happy.


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