I don’t know how much more plainly they can put it. If elected again, B. Hussain Obama’s reign of socialism and Children of Men-style “no new baby” policymaking, not to mention his proposed police-enforced nightly worshippings of the God of the Bile and Spit and Hell and Flame (each of us forced to pray that the devil bring Hellfire upon any [if any remain!!!] good Christian households in this whole godforsaken world), and his promise that Americans will be able to watch no more than one hour of TV per 24 hours, will take down God’s America once and for all. It’s almost counterintuitive that such a strong country full of people will God on their side could be taken down by four more years of having a Democrat in office, but this is just the kind of nightmare that Obama has brought us to. There are 45 trillion of you out there. We’ll see you at the polls. (Via ChristianNightmares, Gawker.)

Comments (50)
  1. Uh oh, I think someone is jealous they didn’t get asked to speak at the RNC.

  2. These Chuck Norris facts are getting more and more far fetched.

  3. Romney should bring him on as a strategist – 1,000 years of darkness really makes the unemployment numbers seem like small potatoes.

  4. I heard he gets all his powers from his beard. Maybe if some brave soul shaved his beard he would sober up and start making sense? #bearddrunk

    • Strength through magical hair? Weakening someone by cutting off said magic hair? Quit your babbling, good Christian people don’t believe in such voodoo witchcraftery!

  5. Can somebody please make a GIF of Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking himself in the face? Please and thank you.

  6. Whatever, Norris. I won’t be a believer until Jean-Claude Van Damme weighs in.

  7. You know, when it comes to scare tactics like this, I just don’t give a chuck.

  8. i fucking hate this so much.

  9. What about women’s freedom?

  10. I know they’re in his dojo and all, but perhaps showing a rack of white robes behind his wife wasn’t the best idea considering the message.

    • He has to show off somehow. You’ll also find his high school karate championship trophies on the shelf. It’s due to those OBVIOUS AMERICAN ARTIFACTS that make him… American. No one asked to see his birth certificate, and never will thanks to the iconic karate figure of America he is.

  11. step one: build time machine
    step two: kill ronald reagan
    step three: kill hitler

    • reagan is so clearly the worst president of the last century i find it so unbelievable that some conservatives still hold him as a shining example of anything

      it should be eisenhower they hold up as a great president or even nixon

  12. Motherfucker, Texas Ranger.

    • Hahaha, after reading this I cannot, for the life of me, remember the actual title of this show. I think this is just the better title, that’s why.

  13. It’s so weird how well the Republican party is able to indoctrinate people with this nonsense. My mom, who is super religious, won’t stop telling me about how Obama is going to turn this country “socialist, just like China,” no matter how often I tell her that China is Communist, she clearly has no idea what socialism actually is, and that the whole idea that any one president could change our entire government’s structure is absurd.

    It’s like telling someone that the moon isn’t really made of cheese, we’ve been there and walked on it and it’s definitely not cheese, and then next time you see them they’re once again spouting off about how it would be great to go eat some of that moon cheese.

    • well, we live in a country where public education has been dramatically retooled over the past twenty years, and teaching things like “civics” and “comparative political systems” is basically non existent. chuck norris was wrong (i cannot believe that i’m typing that in earnest) when he mangled that quote about evil only needing good to stand aside in order to triumph- all that really needs to happen is the systematic spread of ignorance throughout the populace so that actual understanding of how our system is supposed to govern, and then actual ability to critique how it is or is not running, is nonexistent. because, you know, “good” and “evil” aren’t actually policy points, unless, of course, you base your entire world view on religion, which should not be the basis of any “free” society.

    • Another reason for this atrocity is the abolishment of dictionaries in Conservative homes.

    • Stay out of my politics, MOM!!!

  14. Well, somebody is still being a baby about the gay boy scouts.

  15. If you open up Chuck Norris’ skull, there is no brain, just another fist.

  16. Children of Men sounds like a great scenario and is WHY I am voting for Barack Obama.

    “A Clive Owen in every bed!” – Obama

  17. What is worse than Socialism though Chuck? I mean, it’s clearly the end of the world when your medical bills are super affordable and you are not constantly in debt.

  18. Another video which can be considerably improved by replacing the actual soundtrack with ‘Master of the House’ from the Les Misérables French language concept album!

  19. Thanks for the super-specific reasons for why you don’t like Obama, Chuck.

    Also, why is socialism against Christian values? It really confuses me since socialism has quite a lot of that whole “helping the poor” thing that Jesus liked so much.

  20. Gina Norris is the beigest person I have ever seen

  21. As a european I am genuinely curious as to what makes some people think socialism is the work of the devil? What is wrong with it? I don’t understaaaaaaand.

  22. Oh great! Another very divisive Republican campaign read off of cue cards. Jeez, Chuck. And you called yourself an actor!?

  23. His pants are so high, does it make it easier for roundhouses?

  24. I get all my Armageddon news from hawkers of home gym equipment, but why isn’t Christie Brinkley with him in that video?

  25. Obama singing Al Green at his campaign events flies in the face of this “no new baby” policymaking claim.

  26. 1000 years? Somebody’s rounding up.

  27. I actually met Chuck Norris once, at a funeral of all places. Long story, but I knew this karate guy he was friends with that unfortunately passed away.

    Mrs. Norris is a Frightening Christian Robot that says something about God and the Lord blessing us in every sentence out of her mouth. She gave this long, nonsensical eulogy about heaven and angels that was super, super childlike and creepy. Chuck is a nice enough dude, but does not seem that bright and appears visibly terrified of his wife, who obviously wears the gi in that family (if you know what I mean). I felt kind of sorry for him.

    • wi_ngo checklist:

      1) Publicly disparage Chuck Norris
      2) Insult Chuck Norris’ WIFE
      3) Give enough details in your post that Chuck can figure out who you are
      4) Sell all your possessions
      5) Buy a black market I.D. and start using a dead person’s social security number
      6) Move to a small town or better yet another country
      7) Live out the rest of your days in fear

    • I know what you mean. Wearing the gi!

      Wait… I might not know what you mean.

  28. That lady sounds like a high quality voice synthesizer.

  29. How many hours of television are we allowed to watch per day now?! Oh my God!

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