I’m not sure if you guys follow Aaron Paul on Twitter, but if you do you might be aware that every single week he says something like, “This week’s episode of Breaking Bad is gonna be a bloodbath!” Or like, “THE SHIT’S ABOUT TO HIT THE FAN ON BREAKING BAD!” Every single week! It’s partly upsetting (upsetting in the way that a tweet from someone on a TV show advertising their TV show can be, which is to say not anywhere close to upsetting in the least) because you could honestly say that about every episode of Breaking Bad and it would certainly be true enough, and then partly upsetting because the fact that he says it every week takes away ANY amount of excitement and anticipation I might gain from those tweets. What the hell, Aaron? Cry wolf me once shame on you, cry wolf me every week shame on both of us. The only way to apologize to each other will be 100 hugs!!!!! But anyway this is all to say that if Aaron Paul were to have tweeted something about how shit was going to hit the fan or whatever on only last night’s episode, HE WOULD’VE TOTALLY BEEN RIGHT! HOLY MOLY, LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE!
The episode begins with our boys driving into the desert, as they love to do, to meet with their rival meth boy gang. Last week’s episode ended by teasing the idea that Walt had a plan for the methylamine that could fulfill everyone’s needs, and now, finally, after a week of suspense, we learn what it is. After some “I’m the biggest and the baddest,” “No I’M the biggest and the baddest” dude talk between Walt and the other younger and more handsome meth gang leader, Walt convinces him to come under his wing and act as his distributor. (“Mike is retiring form our crew so his share of the partnership is available,” he says.) (That’s a quote from the show.) He does this by explaining that a purer form of the drug will give them a higher yield and more money, kind of, but he MOSTLY does this by forcing the rival meth leader to imagine a world without Coca-Cola.
“Imagine if you made Pepsi in a world without Coca-Cola, how horrible that life would be — as someone who could manufacture Pepsi and make just as much money as they would selling Coca-Cola, because now Coca-Cola doesn’t exist anymore and people definitely need some sort of cola beverage and can’t tell that much of a difference anyway so you can probably charge Coca-Cola prices for Pepsi because what are people going to do? Not buy cola? NO WAIT–”
He ends his Coca-Cola speech by telling the guy to say his name. “Who the hell are ya?” Asks the guy. “You know. You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.” Ugh. It is so upstting. “I’m the cook. I’m the man who killed Gus Fring.” OH PUH-LEEZE GET ON WITH IT ALREADY. “You’re Hesienberg.” “Your god damn right.” “BOOOM Reeeaarr reeer, reeeer reerr. Tin tin tintintin.” Breaking Bad.
During his Coke speech, he insinuated that Jesse would also be cooking. NAH-UH, WALT. He’s out! Don’t you remember?! THAT SWEET FACE IS OUT! Jesse brings this up with him while they’re leaving the desert and Walt responds, “I’ll need a little help getting things up and running in this transition, you can at least do that for me, huh?” Terrible. No he cannot do “at least” that for you, you awful jerk. He’s out! I hate you so much. I am so mad at you.
Mike is still out, though. When they get back to their headquarters Mike reminds Walt that he’ll be taking care of his guys from here on out, and to remember to remove the bugs from Hank’s office. (Immediately I assume that Walt is going to screw that up but somehow, we’ll see later on, he manages not to.) Jesse says “I’ll see you around,” to which Mike responds that he will not be seeing him around because, “When I’m out, I’m out.” GULP! Oh no! DON’T SAY THAT MIKE, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE IN BREAKING BAD AND SHOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING THAT COULD ALSO MEAN SOMETHING ELSE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT!
So Walt and Jesse, who continues to help Walt even though he should be GingTFO, move all of their equipment into Skyler’s car wash. Walt is a huge dick about it, OF COURSE, responding to Skyler’s questions about WTF it is and whether he’s hiding it from the police or from someone who would kill for it (eep!) with, “Don’t worry about it.” Ugh, you jerk. Every ex-boyfriend anyone has from now until forever can say, when looking back on how big of a jerk they were, that they were AT LEAST not as bad as Walt White from Breaking Bad. At least.
Jesse has a cute/sad moment with Skyler, though, where he says “vamanos” and Skyler says, “I wish.” Aw. You poor guys. I hope you fall in love and run away together and take all of Walt’s money.
In the next scene we see how Mike is getting the money to all of his guys — through the lawyer representing them placing the money in safety deposit boxes for the families. A few things upset me about this scene. One is that when he brought the banana bacon cupcakes (which sound GROSS) or whatever to the lady he said, “They’re banana bacon cupcakes,” and she said, “IS THERE BACON IN THESE?” Uh, yeah lady. He literally just said one second ago that there was bacon in them. Stop wasting our time. Another thing that upset me was that the camera work made me seasick.
“We need to make this scene exciting by making the camera move in a way that makes the viewer need to vomit.” I’M ALREADY EXCITED! STOP MOVING THE CAMERA LIKE THAT! So anyway he puts a bunch of money into a bunch of boxes, and then SO MUCH MORE money into a box that is for Mike’s granddaughter on her 18th birthday. Aww. Mike! You big old sweetie! In a car outside, the lawyer guy assures Mike that the families will keep receiving the deliveries. Later, Mike throws his laptop and guns into a well.
JUST IN TIME, TOO! Because after he gets home a bunch of DEA guys search his home while he watches some movie that is I’m sure related to the plot somehow, and they find nothing. HAHA, JERKS! DEA jerks! Whom I’m against even though they’re just doing their job, trying to protect people!
The next scene was a real doozy — when Jesse comes to tell Walt that they’re really broken up for good. Very upsetting. Very abusive and manipulative. Jesse walks in to Walt setting up the new lab, and Walt immediately starts talking to him about how he should have a lab of his own — he “deserves it” — and blah, blah, blah, before Jesse reminds him again that he is out. Then Walt gets severely teethfaced and severely mean:
Walt turns into every abusive partner on the verge of losing the one they’ve had a hold of, shouting, “You want to squander that potential? Your potential? Why? To do what? To do what, Jesse?” while Jesse stays strong (THANK GOODNESS) (for now) against him. Probably the most heartbreaking moment is when Walt says, “What have you got in your life? Video games and go karts?” to which Jesse only responds a whispered, “Mr. White.” Man oh man. Love that moment. One of my favorite Breaking Bad moments, for sure. If you can, go back and watch that moment. It was so great! AND VERY, VERY SAD! Anyway, I won’t go through all of it, but during this conversation Walter throws everything he can at Jesse to get him to cave and come back to the operation — finally threatening to not give him any of his cut of the money — to no avail. Jesse leaves, still out, as Walt shouts, “If you leave, YOU GET NOTHING! YOU UNDERSTAND ME! NOTHING! JESSE!” It’s like Willy Wonka only with meth and the opposite. It was great. I’m sorry if you came here looking for me to say anything other than “it was great” but we’re in the final two episodes of Breaking Bad before a year of no Breaking Bad so obviously it is all ONLY GOING TO BE GREAT!
Back at the DEA office, or whatever, Mike is getting hounded for spending too much time and money on the Fring case. He’s ordered to stop doing that, and also specifically to stop spending money monitoring Mike. Instead of doing that, though, he tells his DEA partner to tail the lawyer representing all of Mike’s guys in jail. EEEP! NO!
We, again, follow the lawyer to the safety deposit box lady, and today he has given her the treat of cake pops.
“Is there cake in these?” – The lady, I bet, had she not been so preoccupied with the idea that the DEA was there to bust this guy’s shit right open, NOOOOOOO!
Uh-oh. See ya later, guys!
Elsewhere, Walt is back at it. He’s in his meth gear and talking to somebody and for a moment we think, “Oh no, he better not be talking to Jesse.” And then we think, “He can’t be.” And then we think, “But then…” And then we see:
TODD! Walt attempts to show him the ways of making blue meth, saying that he “doesn’t need him to be Antoine Lavoisier,” he just needs him to listen and not be the biggest dummy in the whole world. Todd does seem dedicated, though, going over his notes while Walt watches a Schticky commercial (Todd’s FAVORITE commercial, probably), and refusing to take a cut of the money until he is able to get it right. Good for you, I guess? In this economy.
Walt tries to tell Skyler about his new partner over dinner and she immediately gets up and walks away, which is perfect.
While Walt successfully removes the bugs from Hank’s office, as I mentioned he did earlier, he overhears Hank’s DEA friend (I absolutely should know his name but the sad fact is that I do not and probably never will, but you know who I mean) telling him that they caught the lawyer and that he’s willing to flip, leading them right to Mike. NOOOOOOO! The whole thing’s coming down!
Ooooh, boy. Ok, so the lawyer gives Mike a call while he’s watching his daughter play at the playground. The lawyer tells him that he needs to see him right away, claiming it’s about the money, and Mike tells him that he’s at the playground. Then Walt calls him to tell him uh DON’T TALK TO THE LAWYER, LAWYER’S BAD NEWS, MIKE, THE LAWYER! Immediately cop cars surround the playground, and Mike hides behind a tree.
Man, if anyone knows how to look sad and world-weary, it’s Mike. That guy. So somehow (because he is Batman, that’s how) Mike escapes the cops and gets away, but calls Saul because he needs him to pick up the getaway bag he left in a car at the airport. (Oh, he did that when he threw his guns and laptop down the well.) (Forgot to mention that before.) (You DID see the episode, though, so.) Saul and the boys are together to take the call.
Mike stresses that he wants Saul to get the bag, but Saul refuses. Jesse offers to do it, but Mike refuses. Then Walt offers to do it, sneering, “Besides you’re out, remember?” Ugh. Jerk. Massive jerk.
Well, here we are. Walt picks up the bag, and the camera rests for a moment on a shot of Mike’s gun. Walt brings Mike his bag and demands the names of Mike’s nine guys. He says it affects him and Jesse, too, and that they deserve to know. Mike tells him to leave town, and when that doesn’t appease him he tells him that they’re all in this mess because of him — his pride and his ego. “If you’d done your job, stayed in your place, we’d all be fine right now.” Oh, jesus. Mike goes back to his car as Walt speed walks towards him, and once Mike opens his bag he notices his missing gun. And then Walt shoots him through the car window.
Man oh man. Mike escapes the car and makes it as far as a river below, where he sits before Walt finds him and remembers that the girl, whatever her name is, has all of the names and he could’ve gotten them from her. “I’m sorry, Mike. This whole thing could’ve been avoided,” he says. Ugh. Awful. So much more awful than if you just hadn’t brought that up at all. “Shut the fuck up and let me die in peace,” Mike responds.
So. That was sad! I am going to miss Mike! And I am worried for Jesse, now that he doesn’t have Mike to steer him in the right direction! And I wonder when he will find out about this! And I can’t believe there is only one more episode until next year! Ahhhh! AHHHHHHHH! GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!