Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi kelly
Kelly: How are you today?
Gabe: oof
Gabe: i am great and terrible
Gabe: my day contains multitudes
Kelly: That doesn’t sound half bad! Hahaha
Gabe: ooooooooof
Kelly: Why are you so terrible? Want to talk about it?
Gabe: i’m just very tired
Gabe: i have no idea why!
Gabe: it’s really a pretty powerful mystery
Kelly: No one knows why people get tired
Gabe: it’s like
Gabe: you have a million drinks and go to bed at 3AM
Gabe: so everything seems like it should be fine
Gabe: because your life is perfect
Kelly: Right!
Gabe: but then sometimes you’re tired
Gabe: and it’s like well what is all that about
Gabe: maybe i’m just NERVOUS!
Kelly: Uh-oh nervous for what?
Gabe: about the olympics
Kelly: Oh no, Gabe

Gabe: are those still on?
Kelly: I am so sorry
Kelly: No, they aren’t on anymore!
Kelly: You just missed them!
Gabe: this day just keeps getting worse and worse
Kelly: Well, they’ll be on again soon.
Kelly: Don’t let it get you down.
Kelly: Hey so here’s a question that might cheer you up
Gabe: haha i bet
Gabe: i love questions!
Gabe: nothing cheers me up more than a great question
Kelly: I know I know I know
Gabe: let’s hear it!
Kelly: Ok
Kelly: So here it is: Where does the new Three Stooges movie fall on your list of favorite date night movies?

Kelly: I know you love it
Kelly: But is it like #1 or what
Gabe: #2
Kelly: That’s fair!
Gabe: my list goes
Gabe: #1 Irreversible
Gabe: #2 The Three Stooges (2012)
Gabe: #3 Beyonce videos
Kelly: great choices
Gabe: you were right, that sure cheered me up
Gabe: that question
Gabe: thanks for asking!
Gabe: you got a hot date or something?
Kelly: Whoa
Kelly: That’s a little out of line I think
Gabe: you asking me about my favorite date night movies
Gabe: is what was out of line
Gabe: but now that we are here
Gabe: in HR
Gabe: for your exit interview
Kelly: Ok, well I guess I have nothing to lose then!
Kelly: Yes I have a super hot hot hot date but had no idea what movie to watch on it
Kelly: But then I found this video of Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse listing their top 5 favorite date night movies

Kelly: Which helped, like, A LOT
Gabe: it’s weird you even asked me
Gabe: since you have
Gabe: five dates already planned for you now
Gabe: after watching that video
Gabe: five perfect dates
Kelly: The only thing was that I needed to know where in the date lineup to put the Three Stooges movie
Gabe: what kind of date night involves watching an old movie?
Gabe: go out!
Gabe: get out there in the world!
Kelly: Oooh look who’s Mr. World
Kelly: “I don’t know who these clowns are watching movies on dates, I take all my dates to Paris and then on a spaceship with a fancy chef, like a gentleman.”
Gabe: you can go to the movie theater on a date
Kelly: If you WANT to get bed bugs, I guess
Gabe: then the two of you can get rid of your bedbugs together
Gabe: it will bring you closer
Kelly: Oh that would be very sweet
Gabe: or maybe only one person gets bed bugs
Gabe: so they have to move into the other one’s apartment
Kelly: OMG.
Gabe: and now they live together and are married
Kelly: Holy moly I need to get to a movie theater or the couches department of a JC Penneys right away
Gabe: what are your top 5 date night department store couches?
Kelly: All of the filthiest looking ones from least to most filthy.

Gabe: seriously, though
Gabe: i can imagine a nice date night at home, i GUESSSSS where you watch a movie, but even then
Gabe: it’s going to be some movie you both realized you hadn’t seen yet and wanted to, or wanted to rewatch
Kelly: I think that is probably true in most cases
Kelly: But I do think that if you’re going to the Insane Clown Posse for date night advice
Kelly: It’s NOT because you and your girlfriend already got around to watching Breathless, and now what
Gabe: why is their make up always so WET?
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: That is a very good question.
Kelly: Constant reapplication
Kelly: “Not clown enough. Not clown enough. Not clown enough.”
Kelly: What I want to know is
Kelly: Why are they always asked their opinion about movies?
Gabe: seriously
Gabe: if there are two people whose tongue in cheek and not even real opinions about movies i could not care less about
Kelly: Right
Kelly: The ICP talking about movies like a couple of dummies genre of video comedy interview is one of the more confusing.

Gabe: also the part where you just know
Gabe: the editors at every site that does that
Gabe: send out an email to the staff
Gabe: being like “this is going to be really fun”
Kelly: hahahahaha
Kelly: ugggghhhhhhhhhh
Gabe: “awesome news”
Gabe: “violent j and shaggy 2 dope are dropping by the offices next week!”
Kelly: Hahah ugh gross you’re definitely right stop it
Kelly: “Let’s see how this goes… ;-)
Gabe: “we are going to ask them about their favorite celebrity couples but if anyone has any other ideas send them along!”
Kelly: BOO!
Kelly: Boo to the whole thing
Gabe: then the guys come in
Gabe: and frantically apply their Extra Damp make up
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: “You guys good you guys need anything”
Kelly: “awesome”
Gabe: all these bottles of Arrowhead water
Gabe: just ringed
Gabe: with face paint
Gabe: and so many people in the office posting photos of themselves with ICP on Instagram
Gabe: “I can’t believe this is my job!”
Gabe: hahahahhahahaha
Kelly: I don’t even know what to say
Kelly: because of how upsetting this scenario you’ve drawn is
Gabe: just say goodbye
Gabe: bye bye
Gabe: say bye bye
Kelly: bye bye :(
Gabe: have fun on your fake date you made up
Gabe: you liar
Kelly: He’s older now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments (42)
  1. “Irreversible is my favorite date movie, too!” – Todd Akin

  2. Top 5 date movies:

    5) Requiem for a Dream
    4) Martyrs
    3) Ichii the Killer
    2) Audition
    1) The Notebook

  3. what a coincidence, Shaggy 2 Dope Chances Is would be in my top 5!

  4. When I was 15 I asked a girl if she wanted to go see Deep Impact with me, but because of my accent she heard “The Pimp Act.” Anyways, please pledge money to my kickstarter: htt[

    • I’ve spent the past 10 minutes trying to figure out what your accent could be. Don’t tell me, I like this game.

    • 1. What the hell accent do you have?

      2. The fact that this young lady went right to “oh, he just said ‘The Pimp Act,’” says way more about her than about you. I hope your marriage is a happy one!

      • I spoke Mexico city-style Spanish until i was 9, then I learned English reading comic books and watching The Simpsons & Trainspotting. Then I went to a Chicago public school that was mostly black & Polish until sophomore year in High School. So Basically I sound like Werner Herzog, Tommy Wisseau and Ricardo Moltalban reading phonetically.

        • That sounds beautiful, no joke. I lived in Germany until I was about 5 speaking French with my Metis mom and English with my very heavily accented Irish father, then moved to Cuernavaca for a year. When I came to Canada at 6 nobody could understand anything I said. I had a very very thick Irish accent and if I came to a word I didn’t know I’d just say it in French, German or Spanish depending on which was closest to my tongue at the moment. I pretty much only spoke to my mom and brothers for the first year because I’d get too frustrated talking to anyone else.

  5. ICP Movies

  6. I got hit on by a Juggalo on an Internet dating site a few years ago. His entire message just said, “ARE YOU DOWN WITH THE CLOWN????” I never responded to his question nor to his invitation to drink Faygo, though that may have just been implied.

    The one that got away… sigh.

    • he may consider you “the one that got away” but for other reasons.

    • A friend recently convinced me to sign up for okcupid because the bars are full of 20 year olds and it’s been so long since I’ve been single that I honestly have no idea where to even start. Anyway, I just wanted to look so I made a username and that’s it, no info other than “female” and the username. A week later I logged in to find 3 messages. I can’t tell if I’m just really good at picking usernames or if guys in Montreal will fuck literally anything, but I certainly haven’t been back to that site again.

  7. Sometimes something on VG is so true it has to be reposted:

    Gabe: and so many people in the office posting photos of themselves with ICP on Instagram
    Gabe: “I can’t believe this is my job!”

    This is basically every editor friend I’ve ever had.

    And it’s fair to say that at this point ICP are being called upon to throw left field science on any and all topics. (Who are you guys voting for?) So we can all chuckle at literally any answer they could possibly give. “LOL, can you believe they listed good/terrible movies?!?!?!?!”

    At the same time, these guys are fully complicit in their own late-period-William-Shatneresque careers. And making more than any of should ever contemplate for fear of weeping uncontrollably.

  8. 1. What Is It? – Crispin Glover
    2. Truth or Dare – Madonna
    3. Edward Penishands
    4. Shaving Ryan’s Privates
    5. Colby Keller cum shots v1-12

    Obviously I get more desperate

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