As summer comes to an end it’s hard not to dwell on the summer-exclusive things that you never actually got around to doing. Maybe, for basically the second year in a row, you never actually went to a beach even though you love the beach and were really looking forward to going to the beach since last year you never really went until the very end of the summer when it was a dark and cold day. Hm? Maybe you never really achieved that “beach body” of your dreams, and now it’s going to be winter again and all you’re going to do is get further away from it. Maybe you never had an ice cream cone, or wore a big hat. Maybe you never had a BBQ or went running in the park as the sun set. Or maybe, worst of all, you never learned the proper way to eat a watermelon from a 10-minute video by an old man on YouTube until the very end of summer, when you barely even want to eat watermelons AT ALL anymore. Life can be cruel that way.

I suppose we’ll always have next summer to eat our watermelons with a spoon rather than a fork, and with tunnels, and with marshmallows and WITHOUT salt. Until then, throw this summer in the garbage. It’s useless now. (Thanks for the tip, litescript!)

Comments (14)
  1. How to eat a watermelon in summer:

    1. Cut watermelon.

    2. Insert into blender with vodka and ice.

    3. Add vodka to taste.

    4. Enjoy!

  2. A la furia del cartel,
    nadie jamás a escapado
    ese compa ya esta muerto,
    nomas no le han avisado.

  3. watermelon is wasted on the young.

  4. I had to google this to make sure it wasn’t posted already. It was too perfect. I ended up reading racist comments on YouTube and feeling depressed about humanity. Honestly, that was my own fault.

  5. Eating watermelon with a fork isn’t the only lie perpetuated by a silverware cartel. We’d all be eating cereal the right way, with a knife, if not for an expensive campaign launched by the powerful spoon lobby years ago.

  6. If you are very lucky and get the ad on the right with the bikini boob lady, pause this video at .08 seconds. Sensei Watermelon looks like he is very distracted by melons of a different kind….

  7. This video is the the most abstract suicide note ever.

  8. “This applies only to watermelons because pie are square” I’m going to assume that’s not an intentional joke because it’s even funnier if (p)unintended.

  9. Wait… marshmallows and (spoiler alert) CURNCHY PEANUT BUTTER?? Way to go grampa, even I’ve never been that high before.

  10. File under: Meloncraft Tutorials

  11. “Make sure to have a grown up cut the watermelon for you so if they slice off their fingers you can still eat the watermelon”

    So totally bummed I’m learning this lesson at 27. I feel like so much of my life was a lie.

  12. Melon Grandpa and the Infinite Snackness.

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