Oh boy. So, congressional representative Todd Akin (R-MO), representing Missouri’s 2nd district, appeared on The Jaco Report, whatever THAT is, over the weekend and finally broke his legendary silence about the legality of abortion in cases of rape or incest. Hubbub ensues. (From now on, I am referring to all news, scandals, disagreements, political skirmishes, celebrity entanglements, and abortion debates as “hubbub.” Cool.) The majority of the fury is directed at a comment he made (video posted after the jump) about “legitimate rape,” inherently classifying some rapes as “illegitimate.” Yes. That’s bad news. Although what is clearly even more upsetting is the fact that there is anyone in the world who has any kind of opinion about abortion in the case of rape and incest other than YES, PLEASE, YOU DO YOU AND GOOD LUCK SURVIVING IN THIS WORLD OF PURE SUFFERING. You have just got to be kidding me. “What kind of cake do you want for your birthday party, Timmy?” “The kind where my mother wasn’t raped by my grandfather, creating me and sending her into a chronic, endless depression because every time she sees me she is reminded of the most horrible secrets of her life.” “Sooooo, Tonka Trucks?”
I was talking to a friend a few years ago about the abortion debate in general, and he helped to clarify the whole thing for me, which is that people who have the religious (or whatever) belief that life begins at conception genuinely do see abortion as legalized mass murder, so even if they are wrong, and even if you disagree whole-heartedly with them on a multitude of levels, you can at least wrap your mind around someone vehemently disagreeing with the institutionalization of what they consider to be mass murder. It’s true! I get that. I don’t agree with it at all, and am happy to mix it up on this subject, but the fundamental belief system behind it, however flawed, is at least consistent to some degree. One of the ways I disagree, of course, is that there are plenty of instances in which the “precious life” you believe you are protecting would not be precious in any way whatsoever, but rather a life doomed from the very beginning due to the impossibility of the careless “parents” of this precious baby being in any way capable of taking care of or providing for it, and in no situation is this more painfully evident than in cases of RAPE AND INCEST, so then it is like WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?! Oh, it just burns me up. And while I am sure that there are lots of people of all colors and shapes and genitals who believe that abortion should be illegal in all cases, how come it does really seem to only be OLD WHITE MEN who get out there and make noise about this? Just hush it right up, old white men. Put a dick in it. Someone should rape Todd Akin’s face so that he is unable to talk about abortion on television anymore. (Hat tip to the brilliant Daniel Tosh on this last “joke.”) So, that’s the part that gets me is that anyone is even talking about the rape and incest thing in the first place. But wait until you hear WHY Todd Akin was referring to “legitimate rape.” It’s going to bother you!
Some doctors, and it could be any doctors, let’s just say most doctors, will tell you that in the case of LEGITIMATE RAPE, the woman’s body SHUTS DOWN ANYWAYS, so if you get pregnant from a so-called “rape” or “incest” it probably wasn’t even real and your body clearly WANTS THAT BABY! Holy moly. Like, it would have been so bad if this guy just went on TV and started talking about “legitimate” versus “illegitimate” rape, we all would have made a lot of hubbub out of that no matter what, but for him to explain the medical TRUTH behind pregnancy as proof of SEXUAL DESIRE just makes you really want to burn the whole house down. What good is this house if we can’t even fucking live in it?! (Via Gawker, BoingBoing, TheDailyWhat, Politico, GotchaMedia)