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Hi everyone. My name is Starlee. We’ve met before. Nice to see you again. You’re looking fit. I really mean that. And that’s not some sort of dis meant to imply that you were the opposite of fit before. You were perfect. If anything, you’re looking too healthy now. A little scruff adds character. That last sentence is what Robert Pattinson fell asleep telling himself last week and what Kristen Stewart falls asleep telling herself this week. Don’t worry, we’re going to get to those two in a bit.
I write stories for the radio show This American Life such as this one here.
I also write television recaps. Sometimes the shows are good. Sometimes less so.
This intro is supposed to give you some context as to who I am, with the aim of establishing a bond to get you to do what I want. Guest editing is not all that different from that movie the Negotiator with Samuel Jackson and Kevin Spacey which continues to run on cable nonstop even though it was made in 1998. I watch it every time.
If you had asked me when I thought that movie was made prior to one minute ago when I looked it up, I would’ve answered, “Man, why are you asking me such an obvious question? Obviously it was made in 2003.” That’s not supposed to happen with dates that fall on either side of a millennium, especially when there’s a horrific, era defining tragedy in between. My point is that we’ve all known for awhile now that the nineties is when everyone figured out how to dress and style their hair in a way that wasn’t completely embarrassing. The downside of this is that thrift stores are now filled with Old Navy t-shirts but the upside is that any kid born after 1990 can regard their elementary school pics without shame. Which is fortunate, since this development coincided with the invention of the internet. Maybe having all that potential embarrassment removed from their lives freed this kids up to predict the future to a frighteningly accurate albeit bland degree.
Of course, there’s another way to predict the future too. At least when it comes to the fates of child stars. Here’s Cindy Brady letting her full blown cat lady out of the bag:
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Welcome! I am pretty easy to sway so I’ll probably do your bidding. But I’m not going to murder for you, Starlee Kine. Not again. Not after Reno.
Welcome, I am already your fan Starlee!
Starlee Kine! What an absolute treat of a guest blog day!
Starlee, when you eat at the TAL cafeteria, do you look at Ira Glass halfway through lunch and say “An optimist would see you has half full.” If not, you should.
*As, not has. I’m not suggesting you execute that joke in the manner of an I-Can-Has-Cheeseburger cat.
“Great reply button skills, nerdlinger.” — Everyone
Your Negotiator is my National Treasure. Every time.
You National Treasure is my Shining, Fifth Element, and Se7en. Every time.
Welcome, Starlee! I already like you because I get to see that cat falling out of the ceiling video again!
I already know Starlee’s going to be great, as she doesn’t even need a last name.
you had me at purple font, starlee
oups…must’ve been a glitch
I love guest editor weeks. It’s like I can real conversations with TAL contributors, as opposed to the fake ones I have all the time in my head.
what’s it like being part of the X-Men? Is Professor X nice IRL? Does Beast let you pet him?
Now I feel weird for owning Negotiator.
Jellyfish do look like lightbulbs. To deny this would be insanity.
Well I HAVE been working out and dieting. So thanks, Starlee!
I haven’t and i’m kinda gross right now, but thank you for the sentiment, Starlee.
I’m with you on that one*, Starlee.
*I attempted to watch Season Two of The Killing after plowing through the first Season and was so utterly bored that I just quit watching half way through episode 10.
[During the hostage situation, Officer Eddie rushes a package to Chief Wiggum.]
Chief Wiggum: Finally, the help we need–a DVD of “The Negotiator.”
[Chief Wiggum places the DVD into a portable DVD player.]
Chief Wiggum: Hmm, hmm. Which chapter should we skip to? “Meet Danny Roman,” “Trouble Brewing,” “Off the Case,” “My Baby’s In There,” “Enter Niebaum,” “Take the Shot,” “Sabian’s Choice,” Check and Mate,” “Friends at Last,” “Closing Credits”?
Welcome, Starlee! I’m a huge fan of your TAL episodes! What’s Ira like in real life? Is he nice?? Where do you get your ideas?
Huge fan of yours Starlee!