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You wake up and a robot brings you your favorite kind of coffee in bed, without spilling a drop. “What’ll it be today, sir or ma’am?” says the robot. (The robot is referring to which newspaper or magazine or book you’d like to read this morning, because you have all the time in the world to do whatever you’d like because you almost never have to go to work because you’ve already made so much money that you don’t even know what to do with it.) “You know, Bertie,” you say, because you named your robot Bertie to be “clever” but in retrospect you don’t understand at all what you thought was so clever about it, “I think today I might want to dust off the old yacht and take her for a spin on the river near this mansion, where I live with my beautiful family.” “Sounds good, sir or ma’am!” says Bertie. “And the yacht slide, that is clean, yes?” you ask. “What, sir or ma’am? A slide, for the yacht?” “Yes, Bertie. You did put in an order for an inflatable yacht slide and then cleaned it like I requested, correct?” Bertie looks robot worried and says, “But, well, the only trouble is that I don’t believe those exist.” And you’ve just never felt so deflated in your life. They haven’t invented inflatable slides for yachts yet? WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE WORLD HAVE YOU AWOKEN TO?
OH, PHEW! Thank God. They do exist. Oh, wow. Phew. That was a close call. Bertie will have to be destroyed, of course, but at least we’ll have the inflatable yacht slides. Whew! (Via UniqueDaily.)
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I hope when I have a Yacht that awesome music is always playing on board!
Bertie could be the name of the next guest writer. Hopefully it is a robot programmed with sarcastic remarks about TV, Movies and Viral Videos.
Can I go next!!!!
I really feel like this would take significantly more work than just jumping right the fuck in. However, if any rich people out there want to hire me as a full-time inflatable yacht slide installer, to prepare your slide whenever you want to use it, I am ON BOARD with that idea.
Yarrrr, facetaco be commentin’ on the high seas from now on.
He would not be doing much commenting because LET ME TELL YOU, the satellite Internet used on ships is the pits. I speak from experience. Sorry to rain burst everyone’s inflatable slide bubble!
Ugh, everyone just ignore “rain burst.”
I think the slide makes sense. I mean, I don’t have to tell you guys how boring sailing around the world in a private yacht can get.
“Yachta yachta yachta, the last two months of my life were pretty dull.”
-R2D2
The only time I’ve ever been on a yacht was for a friend of a friend’s client’s birthday (the friend of the friend is a fancy pantsed lawyer and they were told to bring lots of girls with them). The whole thing was really obscene, like 900$ bottles of Scotch obscene, especially for a girl (me) who grew up with a single mother working 2 jobs while putting herself through school and raising her own kids as well as 3 others who had nowhere else to go. I drank the fuck out of that Scotch, though.
That sums up our Canadian politics : poor and middle class people getting drunk off rich people’s unjustifiable stash of cash… youppi !
I disagree. Canada has a pretty fair system. We have a lot more financial regulation than the US so it’s less common for people to get stinkin’ rich off no work (although it does happen), and the poor certainly don’t get the chance to get drunk on their dime unless that’s what you consider social assistance to be.
Twas just a way of saying that money is better redistributed up here.
Canada is awesome. It’s not perfect but they should be an example of what a first world north american country can be – i.e. pay attention US; we can learn from them.
though right now is not the ideal time to learn from us (us, not usa), what with the dumbass prime minister we’re stuck with. I really hope Romney won’t win the election, otherwise it would somewhat legitimize our Ken Barbie’s haircut wearing and oil fueled brain idiot in command…
holy shit. I didn’t know scotch came in $900 bottles. I didn’t know anything came in $900 bottles, except for like gold and that serum from death becomes her (which I don’t remember the cost of, but I can see it fetching $900, especially if it included hanging out with Isabella Rossellini.)
If $900 scotch is proportionally better than $100 scotch as $100 scotch is to $30 scotch, than it is unholy and amazing.
I hate to disappoint, but it was about on par with Johnny Walker Black. There are way better ways to spend 900$, like on 9 bottles of 100$ scotch.
I don’t think you were properly tasting the subtle undertones of burnt money and the tears of orphans.
I want 9 bottles of 100 whiskey, please. That’s what is happening here, right? You’re giving me wonderful whiskey?
Well, technically it’s the scotch that’s (allegedly*) worth $900. The actual value of the bottle itself is likely nominal. Grammr’d!!
*I’m not disputing OMF’s account of the price of the scotch. I’m just wondering if any alcoholic beverage can be worth $900 when really cheap scotch will get you just as drunk.
Wake me when they build the robot retrieval boat that will come and pick me up. No way am I using my own damn arms and legs to get back on board. Exercise is for non-yacht water slide owners.
you beat me to it
Where’s the inflatable elevator that should come with it ? The Sliding to Swimming ratio is inacceptable. It’s the same as Wipeout’s.
Damn, I want to be there and not sitting in this rinky dink, dumb, old office.
It’s like a vending machine for sharks!
Helluva product to unveil during Shark Week.
“I Slid Right Into a Shark’s Mouth (and Survived!)”
-Top rated program, Shark Week 2013
I think one of those guys was A. Samuels.
My next robot butler, Jarvis, will be far better programmed to fulfill all ridiculous order requests without hang-ups like questioning if the product I want even exists. That’s why you’re a robot, dummy! Just invent it! God do I have to do everything? You can’t even build good help these days…
I bet Goldie Hawn is really kicking herself for being lame & asking for that little girl in Overboard, when she CLEARLY did not have an inflatable slide.
“Just Enough.”