FUN FACT: the letters of the TLC network once stood for The Learning Channel! Impress your friends at your next mud fart party! Between this and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, TLC is almost finished with their latest programming block of 100% Perfect Shows, but they do have a few more ideas kicking around that they’d love to find stars to star in:

  • A deaf mute with cerebral palsy who works as a personal bodyguard.
  • Two dogs run a hotel.
  • A family of mutants moves to Hollywood to pursue modeling.
  • An anti-semitic homeless man signs up for J-Date.
  • The circus closes and everyone from the circus has to live in a studio apartment together.
  • A hot dog and a hamburger raising an adopted bag of Funyuns.
  • Two corpses in love.

Can’t wait to see these great new shows along with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Abby & Brittany on The Learning Channel.

Comments (50)
  1. Okay, this is awful and I will absolutely not watch this. But can SOMEBODY watch it and please please PLEASE tell me, if they go to the movies, do they have to pay for two tickets? That’s all I want to know about their lives!

    • I’m more curious about air travel, because you don’t need to show two separate passports at the movie theatre. Also do they go through security twice? Boy oh boy.

      • The questions are really endless, but watch the movie Twin Falls Idaho to have most of these questions answered including SEXY times.

      • Good call on the passports! If the point of a passport is to prove your identity, they really only need one because obviously if we know who one is we know who the other is. Same with health insurance and SSNs. Do they have two? If one needs a medical procedure, so does the other. And if one gets a job, the other has to hang out there all the time too, so I would assume they’d work together. Would they get paid a single wage or double? If your insurance covers X number of doctor’s visits per year, do they get twice the amount? I imagine they would be legally considered two people (so have two SSNs, passports, etc), but are they medically considered one person?

        • is the rule “1 butt, 1 person”? because that seems reasonable. For example, if they were connected at the head, they would need two separate seats. This means being charged double at the cinema. And definitely 2 plane tickets. But if they have the same butt, that clears up any question as to how many times they’ll get charged for things.

          Maybe that’s the true answer as to what makes us individuals? Butts.

          • The “One butt, one person” rule would seem to make sense, but at the same time, if there are TWO people enjoying a movie, or eating in-flight meals, wouldn’t they want to charge for that? Also, if one of them commits a crime, do they both have to go to jail? Obviously they WOULD, but that’s wrongful imprisonment for one of them!

          • I guess if one commits a crime and the other doesn’t report it, that’s aiding & abetting, or harboring a fugitive, or SOMETHING. So they could potentially get them on that. But they could also say that they feared for their own safety if they DID testify that. No way to do so without the other knowing.

          • Man, this so-called “learning channel” raises a lot more questions than it answers.

          • I would expect that for things where you are essentially renting a “seat,” (movies, seated concerts, airplanes) they could share, but for things that establish identity (social security, passports, etc) they would need one each.

          • Well they do each have their own driver’s license, and they had to take the test twice (once each, somehow?)

    • If any does make the time to watch this, I’d like to know: do just tear each other apart during their monthly visits?

    • This is getting deep: What is a person? What defines personhood? A body? A brain? LEARNING.

  2. (I am speechless… though I love their PMA in the promo. So I may watch it) — my thoughts

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • I thought it was a universal abbreviation. I wouldn’t use it if that wasn’t my understanding of it.

      The other day, I texted someone asking about their day, and their response was “Fine, hbu?” and I thought, what the hell is HBU? That situation warrants a grunt because who the hell abbreviates a phrase like “How ’bout u?” when there are abbreviations in the abbreviation.

      But for realz, I only acronymize phrases I think are universally understood, case and point.

  3. Come on, Gabe. TLC teaches me that our culture is full of garbage. Without TLC I might not have ever learned that.

  4. I was on board with you about the Boo Boo nonsense, but this does seem like a legitimate learning experience. I mean, it is still sort of a modern-day sideshow where you trot out all of the circus acts and we get to marvel over them for half an hour or however long the show lasts, but I think conjoined twins are still something that people are genuinely curious about. Where do they get their clothes? Do they date? Would they share a boyfriend, and if they didn’t would they get jealous of each other? How do they deal with people on a daily basis who, even with the best intentions, can’t help but stare and nudge their friends when they walk by? On top of all that, I imagine getting their story out will make things a little easier for them. If I saw what looked like a person with two heads riding a bicycle I would be inclined to think it was fake. Now I know better.

    I still won’t watch it, though.

    • To clarify: baby pageants and families with 30 kids are just regular people deciding to do shitty things with their lives and the lives of those they control (their children). They shouldn’t be given a platform because it encourages this kind of behaviour, even if it’s entertaining in a sick way to watch someone fuck up on such an epic scale. These girls are a legitimate anomaly through no design of their own and it could be interesting to learn how they go about their lives.

    • Ugh, this just made me feel awful, because I know I would do a double-take if I saw them on the street, but they seem like legitimately good kids who are making the most out of what would be most of our worst nightmares of vanity and insecurity. I guess more power to them. Get paid on the “ooh-ahh” factor and maybe make monsters like me feel bad about myself. Vengeance is theirs, because my eyes are misty.

    • Yeah, but all of those questions were answered by the film Stuck on You.

    • They really do seem great. I hope they get as much money out of TLC as they possibly could… specifically *all* the money and then the channel goes out of business.

    • Pretty hard not to share the boyfriend considering they only have one vagina (thanks a lot, wikipedia)

  5. “THAT’S RIGHT FOLKS, WE’RE GONNA HAVE A FREE SHOW RIGHT HERE, COME ON OVER FOR THE BIG FREE SHOW! GATHER AROUND AND WATCH WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO. YOU’VE HEARD YOUR NEIGHBORS TALKING ABOUT IT, AND HERE IT IS, ALL LIVE, RIGHT HERE AND STARTING RIGHT NOW!

    WE’RE GONNA BRING OUT THE FAMILY WITH 19 KIDS, CHILD BEAUTY CONTESTANT OF THE SOUTHLANDS, THE SUBURBAN CONJOINED TWINS… WATCH THE DOORWAY, HERE THEY COME, WE’RE GONNA BRING ‘EM OUT HERE, ALL FREE!” — TLC Programming Director

  6. The Crispin Glover Casts His Next Movie Show: Or, Searches For Outer Sanctum Girl Who Recognizes Burning Rectum

  7. LET’S NAME THESE SHOWS
    A deaf mute with cerebral palsy who works as a personal bodyguard.
    “SoundGuarding”
    Two dogs run a hotel.
    Hotel for BY Dogs
    A family of mutants moves to Hollywood to pursue modeling.
    The Runway CHUDs
    An anti-semitic homeless man signs up for J-Date.
    A Goy, a Girl, and a Kosher Pizza Place
    The circus closes and everyone from the circus has to live in a studio apartment together.
    Friends 2
    A hot dog and a hamburger raising an adopted bag of Funyuns.
    Relish the Idea
    Two corpses in love.
    Necropheli-I Do

  8. I have no intention of watching the show, but I was compelled to read every comment when this promo was posted on another site yesterday. Here is what I learned:

    * They each control one side of the body (one leg and arm each).

    * One colon, one set of sex organs.

    * One of them IS dating someone, and supposedly when they have sex, the other turns away and wears an iPod (so someone posted in comments).

    Of course, the question then is… if they share a vagina, how does the other one not feel it when her sister has sex???

    I’m sure this will be explored with the utmost sensitivity that has always been a staple of TLC.

    • Mostly I just couldn’t stop wondering what happens if one of them dies. Would the other one be able to survive with just the other half paralyzed? Because, if so: gross.

    • Also presumably the vagina only belongs to one girl, so say the girl who doesn’t feel it/have it has sex with somebody…is that cheating since it’s her sisters vagina? Would she even want to have sex?

  9. Side note, this is the lead-in for 19 KIDS AND COUNTING. I don’t know about you guys, I’m learning quite a bit here!

    • 2 IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.

      Kids, I mean. Obviously. What did you think I meant? My brother has 2 kids and they keep him real busy.

  10. “An anti-semitic homeless man signs up for J-Date.”

    Now we know what happened to anti-semetic Elmo.

  11. will no one talk about the boo boo premire with me?!?!

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