It’s funny how quickly you get used to things. Like, when you get a cold or the flu and you just cannot even remember what it was like to be a healthy, normal human being. And then when you get better the same thing happens in reverse. Normal is the new normal, I guess. For two years I wrote this website entirely on my own and it was a nightmare, but also that is just how things were and there were no two buts about it. Now Kelly has been here for over a year, and today she had a much deserved day off, and I nearly lost my mind. WHO WAS THAT MAN WHO DID THIS ALONE? Have you ever had an experience like this? Leave a comment about a time where you got to a new place in your life and could hardly even imagine what the old place had been like. Just kidding. It’s the weekend, man. Get out there and enjoy yourself! This is for the birds!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Brad Pitt And His Stunt Double Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5  lawblog | Aug 6th Score:50

Congrats, Gabe!

Posted in: NASA Scientists Celebrate The “Curiosity” Mars Rover Landing
#4  Dr. Feelgood | Aug 8th Score:53

“I could’ve eaten those, asshole” – 1.4 billion people

Posted in: This Is Just A Great Visual Metaphor For The Epidemic Problem Of Global Poverty
#3  werttrew | Aug 7th Score:53

I saw this ad and was trying to find it online so I entered in “Ragu Child Sex” in the search bar and so now I’m going to jail bye guys.

Posted in: Ragu: For When Your Parents Are Getting It Wet
#2  Frank Lloyd Wrong | Aug 6th Score:53

Poor, sweet, ugly, split-pea green Pontiac Aztek. May you join the Crystal Ship in the great junkyard in the sky:

Posted in: Breaking Bad S05E04: Mr. Hat’s Got His Hat On Again
#1  truckasaurus | Aug 7th Score:63

Ragu leads to Prego.

Posted in: Ragu: For When Your Parents Are Getting It Wet

[Ed. Note: Just to clarify, that is NOT me. I do not work for NASA and have no affiliation with NASA. Personally I don't even think that looks like me, but in any case, this should put to rest any confusion over whether or not that is me and I work at NASA. It isn't and I don't.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

rejectedjeffdunhampuppet | Aug 9th Score:-22

Posted in: Who Should Play Alf In The Alf Movie?

[Ed. Note: People did not like this comment for some reason! The hell with this comment!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

  fondue cheddar | Aug 7th Score:47

“You wanna double date?”

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It Contest: Brad Pitt And His Stunt Double

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Fondue Cheddar. You earned it!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

  djfreshié | Aug 9th Score:12

damn, ayo how do I share my shirtless pics argh this is weak, son. Sorry

Posted in: Maybe We Actually Should #GETHAZED

[Ed. Note: DJ Freshie had some trouble in the comments this week, but you can't blame him for trying! Consolation prize.]

Comments (40)
  1. if you dont want to do the hunt for the worst movie of all time series no more how about you do a new series where you mash up different movies and review them as if they’re the same one? like do a mash up of Krull and Hawk the Slayer, two very rad movies, both with an exceptional cross reference factor that you can seemlessly blend them together as you review them as if its the same movie. make sense?

  2. Oh thank god. Damn you little baby’s ice cream gif. DAMN YOU TO HELL.

  3. Thank you, Gabe, for not posting the lowest rated comment this week. Seriously. Thank you.

    And great job everyone — especially our beloved Gary!

  4. Happy weekend everybody! Right now I’m hoping it’s not a bad omen that Terry Richardson appeared under “Who to follow” on my Twitter, and that when I clicked the “x” next to his name, he was replaced by Gwyneth Paltrow.

  5. getting drunk tonight. who’s with me? you? you? eh?

  6. Robert Pollard stopped by to help you guys kick off the weekend.

    GBV show tomorrow night!!

  7. Miranda July and Robert Pollard dancing in the same thread and no Thom Yorke, yet? Let me fix that.

  8. #confessiongum

    I hate drama in my own life but I really enjoy watching drama happen in other people’s lives, especially when it’s their own dumb fault. I have a friend who is very well known for taking advantage of guys and then acting like she had no idea she was behaving inappropriately. She slept with a friend of hers and then “friendzoned” him, but then her apt is being redecorated so she is staying at his place and he cooks for her every night and drives her to and from work (about an hour out of his way) and she spends all her time in her underoos because his apt is “too hot” and he just bought her a hypoallergenic cat because she has allergies and I am michaeljacksoneatingpopcorn.gif anticipating the “OMG I have no idea where he got the idea that I was interested in him” text that will come any day now. She moves back into her place next weekend so I’m guessing it will be here by the following Wednesday. I’m a terrible person. End transmission.

    • Before I look like too much of a douchecanoe, I am without too much sympathy for the poor guy because he’s known her for years and has seen her do this to loads of other men. I think he’s holding on to “This time it will be different / I can change her if only I buy her enough things and am nice enough to her!” You’re 32 years old, little guy. Time to learn a very important life lesson about how easy it is to change people (not very easy at all).

    • old man fatima, I do not think that friendzone means what you think it means. If you make love-times with somebody, they are most definitely not friendzoned! This guy sounds whipped, but he ain’t friendzoned. Trust me on dis.

  9. Lindsay nvr 4get? :/

  10. Good work, team. Good week. May the road rise to meet you, may the gif be always at your back, may the jpg shine warm upon your avatar.

  11. Guys! this is the first time I won! I’m so happy! Like, what’s-wrong-with-the-rest-of-my-life-that-getting-such-a-highly-rated-comment-made-me-this-happy happy. So thanks, everybody!!! I hope you all have the ragu necessary to repress all the prego-making that’s going on in your life!!!

  12. Good work, team. Good week. May the road rise to meet you, may the gif be always at your back, may the jpg shine warm upon your avatar.

  13. Ah yeah! I knew holding a place in my brain for fake Angelina Jolie would come in handy one day. Thanks y’allz. Everybody have a good weekend. See you next week same place same time.

  14. As Ru would say, y’all better WORK!!!!

  15. I just watched the new Bourne movie. Man, I’m really disappointed right now. I love the Bourne series. The first three movies are all good action movies, with the second one being the clear standout. The thing is, I hated all three of them when I watched them in the theater. The shaky camera work and the quick editing of close-up shots for all the actions scenes made it difficult to follow what what happening. It was only when I watched them on DVD that I was able to appreciate them. So now I love the trilogy.

    Now this movie comes along. I went in with high expectations. Dame Jeremy Renner is great, and I’m glad to see him starring in an action series. And the movie was great! Seriously! Everything that happened in the movie was cool and interesting and kept my interest the entire time. The only problem is, the movie ended before it got to the third act! Most movies have a standard three-act structure, and this one seemed to be heading in that direction, but then we get to the end of the second act and all of a sudden they wrap it up and start playing that fucking Moby song from 15 years ago (the same one they play at the end of every Bourne movie (why do they do this?)) and then it’s over. What the hell?

    I’m so torn on this. The movie was so good up until it ended. It was seriously the most enjoyable movie of the summer so far, and I was ready to recommend this to everybody…… but then it ended. There were so many awesome things in this movie! One of which I’d like to spoil along with something stupid, so if you still want to watch this skip the next two paragraphs.


    All of the action is pretty great in the movie, but the best part is when Jeremy Renner’s character Aaron Cross is being hunted by a pack of wolves at the same time that the government is tracking him with GPS implant thing and a drone airplane. Cross cuts out the tracker and traps the wolf pack leader, wrestles with it and force-feeds it the tracker. He says “You should have left me alone” before the drone confuses them and blows up the wolf with a fucking missile. Now THAT’S how The Grey should have ended!

    There’s a silly storyline where Cross is taking these pills that enhance his physical and mental abilities, and he’s worried about running out of the pills because he was retarded or something, and he doesn’t want to go back to being retarded. It’s like Flowers For Algernon, but with more shooting.


    Speaking of shooting, we need to talk about the elephant in the room. I’m going to spoil something, but it should probably be spoiled for everyone going in. There’s a very intense scene about 30 minutes into the movie where some guy goes crazy at work and starts shooting all of his coworkers (this is part of the plot to cover up blah blah blah). Normally, I would just look at this as a really great, intense sequence that made me squirm in my seat. But after the recent mass shootings, this scene unsettled me in a different way. I honestly think it may be too intense for some people, so I’m just putting this out as a warning.

    Anyway, like I said, I’m really torn on this one. It was over 2 hours long, but it felt like it was too short. That’s because I was interested the entire time, and I was really enjoying the whole thing. (Seriously, the action is great in this movie, despite some fast editing and close-up shaky cam. It’s mostly great, except for the hand-to-hand fighting.)

    Anyway, I can’t really recommend this one because of how it ends suddenly after the second act, although I did enjoy everything I watched, so I don’t know. Go see it? Don’t go see it? I really don’t know.

    I give The Bourne Legacy three out of five magic brain pills.

    • Kind of felt the same way as you!

      The pacing was ridiculous. This movie did not need to be 135 longs but at the same time, you’re right, it felt like it ended too soon. There was way too much Edward Norton and his cronies, they introduced a ton of characters whose sole purpose is to react to what Aaron Cross had escaped. “Ha, whoops, he got away. This is a big deal.”

      And there was pretty much no action. Three scenes maybe (but when there was action it was great, Dame Jeremy Renner did a good job and so did Rachel Weisz, all good stuff except for the part where HE GRINDED DOWN THE RAILING ON A MOTORBIKE, come on don’t do that, this is not XXX starring Vin Diesel.) But then the movie ended and it felt like that should have been the middle of the movie. Bourne II ended with a chase scene and it felt final, this didn’t.

      The scene in the Weisz’s house was pretty cool, though.

      2/5 magic brain pills.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.