Hey, girls! You look great and your skin looks beautiful just the way it is. Although you should never stop trying to make it healthier. But definitely on your way to making it healthier you should feel comfortable in it! Are you all excited that today Mercury is out of retrograde and finally our lives can “go back to normal”? Me neither! I don’t know what that means, and I think it is probably nonsense! We don’t need that nonsense in our life, right? We have enough going on that we don’t need to add any extra nonsense because first of all we don’t have the time and second of all we don’t have the energy and third of all there are enough uncontrollable elements in life to be worried about already? Right. Unless that nonsense is something like, I don’t know, I’m just reaching around the corners of my brain trying to pull out something nonsensical that we would actually need, and well I guess it would just be something liiiiiike, I don’t know, maybe a bunch of girls competing in a contest for Glamour magazine where they have to run a race in stilettos with tape all over them for a cash prize? I feel like that might be something nonsensical that we need, especially while we’re still in Olympics season? For sure not a fully-formed thought, it’s just a hunch, and I’m not even sure anything like that exist but I bet if it did it would be pretty good.

Oh! How exciting, it does exist! STILETTO RACING SUMMER OLYMPICS 2016, BUT ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER PRACTICED ARE ALLOWED TO ENTER SO WE CAN INCREASE THE CHANCE OF ALL OF THEM FALLING DOWN, NOT THAT I WANT THEM TO GET HURT, BUT THE BEST PART IS WHEN THEY FALL DOWN! (Via DiagonalView.)

Comments (17)
  1. I’m so glad “Stilettos in the Kitchen” isn’t a thing.

  2. Ok, a $3k gift card is not the ultimate prize. The ultimate prize would be something like learning how to grift from Tilda Swinton, or learning how to spoon with James McAvoy and a wombat, or getting to have a tea party with goats. And cash, so you can lose it all at the races rather than spending it where the Man (Glamour) wants you to!

    Also, ladies and gents who like wearing stillettos, and also lets narrow down the ‘ladies’ portion to also be aimed at ladies who wear stillettos: If you’re gonna wear them, know how to run in them. It just makes sense. I’m not saying that I have inside information about the upcoming Zombpocalypse, but starting next week just try to bring your running A-Games.

  3. According to the Stiletto Racing Association’s bylaws, sports bras are strictly forbidden.

  4. $3K isn’t enough to pay for a hit on the person who created this event.

  5. stiletto race, a cake bake, and vacuuming make up the full Glamour triathlon.

  6. They should make stilletos with wheels in them like those sneakers. It’d be very practical and also look very cool IRL.

  7. 1 METCO WINS TRAKTOR! 2 METCO AND 3 METCO GO SIBERIA!

  8. I’m tall, so heels were never high on my list of priorities. Never regretted that before this moment. That could have been me! My mother prepared me for failure by not teaching me how to walk in stilettos.

  9. Of COURSE it’s Russia.

  10. Racing In Stilettos On Top Of the Guy Who Invented Regular Racing In Stilettos

    Much better sport.

  11. Get me like five drinks in and I can totally take this.

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