After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Free Bates Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 The Aura of the H-Man | Aug 2nd Score:51

I demand a boycott of fucking Facebook Connect!!

Posted in: Oh, Actually, Boycott Chick-Fil-A
#4 facetaco | Aug 1st Score:55

Does Clive Palmer fall asleep halfway through every movie?

Posted in: Billionaire Finally Attempting IRL Jurassic Park
#3 facetaco | Jul 30th Score:55

The number 1 reason not to vote for Barack Obama is the same as the number 1 reason not to vote for Mitt Romney: You’re 6 years old.

Posted in: Top 10 Reasons NOT To Vote For Barack Obama
#2 catweazle | Aug 1st Score:56

Based on this graffiti I found by my local swamp, I think he could be real.

Posted in: Journalistic Think Piece: Is Shrek Real?
#1 topknot | Jul 30th Score:58

10. He is the reason there are no more WMOAT posts.
9. He started the “What people think I do, what I really do…” meme.
8. He is the Downvote Troll.
7. Amelia is his favorite movie.
6. He hates corgis.
5. He has Chet Haze on his workout playlist.
4. He wants less sand.
3. He thinks Breaking Bad jumped the shark around the end of season 2.
2. He never watches the Petting Zoo.
1. He has a Muse google alert.

Posted in: Top 10 Reasons NOT To Vote For Barack Obama

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Whoa! So good, you guys! Great job, topknot! VERY great job, catweazle! Good back-to-back, facetaco! Sorry about Facebook Connect, H-Man! Have a good weekend everybody!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1  

Chris Wei | Aug 2nd Score:-26
When you buy something, you’re buying a good or service. You’re not buying politics. All you’re ethically responsible for is what ends up on the receipt. Once the transaction is done, the relationship between customer and corporation is over. 

If I go to Chick-fil-A to eat a sandwich, what the COO ends up doing with that money, no matter how wonderful or horrible it is, isn’t my concern and isn’t my responsibility. It’s not my money anymore. It’s his.

People should be able to buy whatever they want without being accused of “saying” something politically, if indeed all they’re trying to “say” is, “hey, these guys make damn good waffle fries.”

And Chick-fil-A makes damn good waffle fries.

Posted in: Oh, Actually, Boycott Chick-Fil-A

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Gabe, and others, have already responded to this in the thread. You should read their responses.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

catweazle | Jul 31st Score:42

The actress who plays O’Brien also had a shirt made for the occasion:

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Free Bates

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, catweazle! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

 

Eric Shorey | Aug 1st Score:20

KELLY!!!!

I got invited to a really awkward meeting at work in which the CEO decides she wanted to have coffee with the plebes that work under her so she can get to know us better or WHATEVER. Anyway, she started talking about her pet pigs (named Hamlet and Francis Bacon) and I VERY QUICKLY inquired as to how affectionate they are on a scale of cat to dog. The answer is: LESS THAN CAT. Pigs are very skittish, apparently, and you have to really socialize them before they have any desire to cuddle (she said she takes books into the barn and reads to them so they get used to people being around / human voices)! Also, they love grapes.

So, there you go.

Posted in: The Petting Zoo: The Week’s Top 10 Animal Videos

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Thank you so much for this terrible news, sincerely.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

heimaey | 9:39am Score:6

Happy Birthday Gabe – gives you hope as you get OLDER doesn’t it!?!?!?!?!?!

Posted in: Let’s Pole That Vault Today, Guys!

[Ed. Note: Thank you. I guess so.]

Comments (46)
  1. Hey, Monsters, If you’re visiting Chicago this weekend for Lollapalooza come to this. Some of our friends from Splitsieder might even join us. https://www.facebook.com/events/473770555968165/

    • why you so far away, VG meetup? ew to the south loop.

      Is anyone in chi actually going to lolla? it just seems stressful.

    • Sorry, man. Aftershows. Dum Dum Girls and White Rabbits that night. Seriously, though, no joke, I was at the Angels-Sox game tonight with KROQ’s and MTV’s Kennedy and she gave me a media pass, so I may end up going to Lolla itself.

      Also, third time in the ball. Woohoo!


  2. Welcome to this week’s Reverse Commentator Ball. Steve Is out at a Harmony Korine film festival today so I will be filling out for him. We had a fun week, we are still anticipating Katherine Chloe Cahoon’s Music Video, but I am in good authority to report that they are one scene away from finishing principal shooting. Look for that in the upcoming weeks.
    After the scroll, the five Highest Rated post, as voted on by me, the Lowest Rated post, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

    Top Five
    5. The Petting Zoo
    4. Warning: This Photo Of Idris Elba Kills Women
    3. A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Vertigo, NOT Citizen Kane, Named Best Film In Sight & Sound Poll
    2. Billionaire Finally Attempting IRL Jurassic Park
    1. Oh, Actually, Boycott Chick-Fil-A
    [Ed. Note: Every once in a while I ask myself, “Why would I, a man whose shirt says 'Genius at Work,' spend all his time reading a mid-size pop culture blog?" Then I read a post like FIl-A and it all makes sense. PS. This Week In GIFs! Was actually number 3, but we all know that this is a blog about visual arts and therefore moving images are disqualified from the top 5.]

    Editors Choice & Associate Editor’s Choice
    Krispy Kreme Gets Pranked.
    This Is Just A Very Good Commercial For Ice Cream
    [Ed. Note: These are just the best type of weird Internet video junk out there. They’re funny, quick, and best expressed in the medium. Congratulations, you’ve earned it.]

    Worst Post of the week
    Top 10 Reasons NOT To Vote For Barack Obama
    [Ed. Note: This is like Bill O’reilly and Honey Boo Boo Child had an abomination. This video was funny and all, the write up and comments were great but it bothered me too much to find the lighter side of it.]

    • Really glad someone has decided to carry on with this undertaking, I started this commentator reverse ball shit, and this is all the mother fuckin thanks that I get? Funny how time flies, I’m just having fun, watching it all fly by

  3. Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to wish Gabe a happy birthday earlier but here, I got you two presents big homie.
    Here’s an ad I designed for you. Feel free to use it as you wish, Guaranteed to double site traffic.


    Also, irrefutable proof that Shrek is real.

  4. Happy Weekend, gang! Be excellent to each other. I’ll be seeing some of you in about an hour!

  5. Woah, #1 comment? Thank you guys! Today is a good day! I won money for a paper I wrote! I’m seeing Neil Young tonight! Exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!

  6. One more long post, Sorry I got these all in right now but I gots to go so here’s the last: I don’t know what to say really.
    One week
    to the biggest Monsters’ Ball of our Monster lives
    all comes down to today.
    Either
    we heal
    as a team
    or we are going to crumble.
    Comment by comment
    gif by play
    till we’re finished.
    We are in hell right now, monsters
    believe me
    and
    we can stay here
    and get the shit kicked out of us
    or
    we can fight our way
    back into the light.
    We can climb out of hell.
    One upvote, at a time.

    Now I can’t do it for you.
    I’m too old.
    I look around and I see these young faces
    and I think
    I mean
    I made every wrong choice a seasoned commentator could make.
    I uh….
    I posted wrong links to pictures
    believe it or not.
    I chased off
    anyone who has ever upvoted me.
    And lately,
    I can’t even stand the face I see in my avatar.

    You know when you get old in life
    things get taken from you.
    That’s, that’s part of life.
    But,
    you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
    You find out that life is just a game of inches.
    So is commenting.
    Because in either game
    life or commenting
    the margin for error is so small.
    I mean
    one half step too late
    you plagiarize commentate
    One half second too fast
    and you don’t quite read the post.
    The inches we need are everywhere around us.
    They are in ever break of the game
    every minute, every second.

    On this team, we fight for that inch
    On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
    to pieces for that inch.
    We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.
    Cause we know
    when we add up all those inches
    that’s going to make the fucking difference
    between WINNING and LOSING
    between LIVING and DYING.

    I’ll tell you this
    in any fight
    it is the guy who is willing to die
    who is going to win that inch.
    And I know
    if I am going to have any life anymore
    it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
    because that is what LIVING is.
    The six inches in front of your face.

    Now I can’t make you do it.
    You gotta look at the monster next to you.
    Look into their eyes.
    Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
    You are going to see a monster
    who will sacrifice himself for this site
    because he knows when it comes down to it,
    you are gonna do the same thing for them.

    That’s a team, monsters
    and either we heal now, as a team,
    or we will die as individuals.
    That’s monstering guys.
    That’s all it is.
    Now, whattaya gonna do?

  7. You guuuuyyyysssss a woman I work with just got back from Stockholm and was wearing a shirt that says “I <3 Stockholm" and I laughed and laughed and laughed and everyone thought I was crazy and then I found out that not one single person in my workplace of about 30 people, INCLUDING a girl with a degree in Psychology, has ever heard of Stockholm syndrome before!! I did not know this was possible. But most importantly, "I <3 Stockholm" is the funniest shirt I've seen since the "Mercutio Drew First" shirt that I'm going to wear to Shakespeare in the park.

  8. R2′s choice for this week is a comment by hotspur, because he always tells the best stories. It’s a great comment and you should read it!

    http://videogum.com/563591/today-we-are-all-orson-welles/where-were-they-then/comment-page-1/#comment-9462592

  9. Yeah, I won #1! and I get to see Neil Young tonight!

  10. I posted this on another post, but I want to post it hear so everybody has another chance to see it. I think it’s important. Especially if you are interested in seeing how poorly the Chick fil a workers were treated, and not just by the homophobes.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thNqs9fPcgM&feature=player_embedded

  11. Have a great Olympics weekend everyone!!!

    And don’t forget that after the sports are over, a wonderful crime drama-comedy will start airing on NBC!! It is called Grimm and it is very entertaining!

  12. Had a weird dream that this girl I know lifted up her skirt and showed me how the flesh in the inside chunk of her right thigh all the way down to her calf had been cut out and replaced with chocolate ice cream cake and chocolate chunk bits. She wanted me to eat it.

  13. Happy weekend everyone and congrats ballers! And Happy Birthday Gabe! Enjoy!

    and think about this this weekend:

    • FUCK me. KILL ME. Please. HOW THE fuck did we ever come to this–the bastardization AND TRANSFORMATION OF a feeling of spirituality, that which represented OUR OWN human ability TO MOVE THROUGH art, scripture, OR OTHER MEDIUMS to empathize with EACH OTHER across time and BOUNDARIES that theologians AND PHILOSOPHERS much smarter than I have come TO BELIEVE IS RELIGION, OTHERS “freedom,” or many other NAMES, INTO a fucking excuse TO STUFF OUR fat fucking FACES with only recently unfrozen CHICKEN patties all while PROCLAIMING THE presence of SOME GOD (certainly not ONE I’D claim to have FELT) in between the holes of SOME FUCKING WAFFLE fries and the arrhythmic SOUND of chewing CUDS punctuated only BY THE further sullying OF SONGS that represent a ROMANTIC IDEAL THESE motherfuckers can’t even begin TO UNDERSTAND.

      FUCK.

      • Large amounts of sugar and fat negatively impact the brain. The most obese regions of the U.S. are in the southeast, e.g. Mississippi, Alabama, the Carolinas, and other places I’m not in the mood to research and possibly Florida, which are popularly known for high rates of evangelical religiosity. I’m not saying this is the reason, but when I am saddened by the actions of some people in this world this sounds more scientific than “all people are guaranteed to be selfish and idiots.”

      • welcome to the future… we are so deeply fucked.

  14. happy birthday Gabe

  15. GUYS. I KNOW it’s the weekend and NO ONE wants to get real RIGHT NOW other than REAL FUCKED up, but holy shit, Y’ALL, I don’t know IF I’M GONNA make it through to NOVEMBER. STRAIGHT fuckin equal parts ANGRY AND depressed.

  16. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME IN THE BALL! Thank you, thank you everyone, thank you CEO of Crown Publishing, thank you Hamlet and Francis Bacon, and thank you Kelly. I know I might have disappointed you Kelly, but I think this information is important and knowledge is power and you learn something new every day and whatever.

    Is it time I get off this facebook connect thing and make a username like a real monster? Apparently, facebook connect is disliked in this community, WHO KNEW.

  17. Happy weekend and happy birthday to everyone, but especially Gabe!

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