Honestly, I’m not even sure who Octomom is. I’ve totally heard her name before, and I know she’s the mother of a bunch of squids, but that’s about it. Lucky me! I really dodged a bullet with her whole story and managed to ignore all of it. That being said, even with basically no understanding of who she is or why we know about her, I’m still totally confident in saying you should NOT borrow money from her. She is not a reliable lending institution! Please know that I understand how hard things can get out there for a shrimp, and there is absolutely no shame in asking other people for help when you need help. We all have to put food on our family, etc, etc. But man oh man, even in the darkest of the lonely nights, please know there are other options out there for you besides whatever even in the hell this supposedly is? Octoloan.com? Get out of here with this. Even Bernie Madoff is just, like, “Guys? Come on.” You’re going to get a better rate from Paulie Walnuts than you will from this idiot. And he’s not even a real person! (But then again, neither is she!) Mad Money‘s Jim Cramer just downgraded this from a Do Not Buy to an AWOOOGAH! Occupy duh street. We are the no way percent.

WHEN DOES THE PIZZA GUY COME IN FOR THE SEX? What even is this? Such a good bank. Total bank for the bankheads out there. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (24)
  1. I predict this business venture will Octobomb.

  2. No thanks, I’m going with Bed Intruder Financial.

  3. No thanks, I have a kind Nigerian businessman I have been working with re: my long term financial goals. Not to put the cart before the horse, but things might be coming up LBT in the future!

  4. “hundreds of lenders?” you’re called Octoloan. that is a built-in guaranteed stop at 8.

  5. so porn is no longer lucrative? I need to call my agent.

  6. I’m no financial strategist, but I would have at least waited until my army of eight humans was strong enough to wield a baseball bat, giant wrench or at least had the dexterity to know how to use brass knuckles in a menacing way before I started my gig as a loan shark. Of course, it’s pragmatic inside-the-box thinking like this that has always kept me from achieving my pecuniary goals.

  7. she’s trying to make a pyramid scheme stacking a bunch of babies on top of each other she’s real dumb

  8. When I try to get people to trust me with their financial futures through a video on the internet, I at least pretend that I have a home office.

  9. The number is 1-888-800-1688. I’m guessing they wanted as many 8s in there as they could fit, but why even bother if you can’t get more than six?

  10. Let the record reflects that I’m at a computer that has no photo editor so I had to get creative with screenshots, crops, and the paint tool. I’m sure you get the point

  11. Also, while we’re at it, that top? With the orange? Is she trying to serve jailbird realness? Because ex-convict is not a trustworthy look for a money lender.

  12. Of course you shouldn’t borrow money from Dr. Octopus’s Mom. That’s just common sense.

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