Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: Kelly! What’s up?!
Kelly: Not a whole lot, kind of the same stuff, just trying to stay cool in the summer heat.
Gabe: that’s very COOL OF YOU
Gabe: ahhahahahah
Kelly: hahahah!
Gabe: get it?
Gabe: you probably don’t even get it
Gabe: my humor isn’t for everyone!
Gabe: all my friends say I’m the craziest person they know
Gabe: LOL
Kelly: You are sooooo nuts haha
Gabe: hahah yeah hahahaha
Kelly: :-P
Gabe: :-D
Gabe: 8-)
Kelly: ;-)
Kelly: But yeah no I got it
Gabe: pretty funny stuff
Gabe: OK well check ya later
Kelly: Ok, well, you CAN check me later…
Kelly: If you don’t like talking about CONTROVERSY!

Gabe: whoa whoa whoa HOLD THE PRESSES
Gabe: an american controversy?
Gabe: you know i’m down for this!
Gabe: give me the juice!
Kelly: Ok here’s the juice, Gabe
Kelly: Before we get to the juice I want to let you know that there isn’t a better nickname for your name
Kelly: I tried thinking of one to say
Gabe: no, i know
Gabe: my name is perfect AS IS
Gabe: A++ would do business with my name again
Kelly: Ok great now onto the main juice: ONE MILLION MOMS IS CALLING FOR A PROTEST OF NBC’S THE NEW NORMAL
Kelly: One Million Moms being an organization obviously not literally one million moms
Gabe: uh oh, sounds legitimate and like a thing that will work
Gabe: if there is one thing that enrages americans
Gabe: it is TV shows that haven’t aired yet
Kelly: Hahah
Gabe: yeah, how many moms are really in One Million Moms?
Gabe: 40 moms?
Kelly: I’m sure at least around 90 moms
Gabe: i’m pretty sure it’s somewhere between 40 and 200 moms but that’s IT
Kelly: I think you probably nailed it
Gabe: what are they protesting?
Kelly: The fact that the show is about two gay men hiring a surrogate to have their baby
Kelly: And that is not how George Washington intended
Gabe: good point
Gabe: that is not how George Washington intended
Gabe: this sounds like a pretty important protest
Kelly: “NBC is using public airwaves to continue to subject families to the decay of morals and values, and the sanctity of marriage in attempting to redefine marriage. These things are harmful to our society, and this program is damaging to our culture.”
Kelly: Sounds very important
Gabe: oh man, i am so nervous
Gabe: for the one million moms
Gabe: because i feel like what’s going to happen is
Gabe: NBC is going to broadcast this show anyway
Gabe: and in order to better understand their enemy
Gabe: the million moms are going to get their very first television sets
Gabe: and sure, they’ll get mad about the new normal
Gabe: but when the show ends they’ll flip through the channels
Gabe: and see EVERYTHING ELSE THAT’S ON TV!!!!!

Kelly: Oh jeeze I hope Will and Grace isn’t on in syndication anywhere
Kelly: I’m not sure it will make it onto TV though, to be honest.
Kelly: They say they are prepared to contact any and all sponsors if the program is aired and that it is proven that this strategy works
Kelly: Just like how it worked when one million moms protested when Ellen DeGeneres was the spokesperson for JC Penney, and also when they protested oreos
Gabe: well, what’s really going to upset the million moms
is when all their nightmares come true
Gabe: and as the credits roll on the very first episode of the new normal
Gabe: gay marriage becomes legal across the world and bigotry no longer exists and everyone FUCKS IN THE STREET
Gabe: that’s why so many blogs talk so much about all the new TV shows in the fall
Gabe: because of how they always CHANGE THE WORLD FOREVER
Kelly: It’s why the divorce rate has gone through the roof since Friends aired and continues to go through the roof since Friends was syndicated.

Kelly: Fool One Million Moms once.
Kelly: I just hope that the One Million Moms do enjoy these few last weeks of relative normality before everyone turns into a handsome gay couple.
Kelly: And don’t waste them all being upset.
Gabe: yeah, get out in the sunshine, million moms
Gabe: while you still can
Kelly: You only live pre-apocaplyse once
Gabe: before the streets are just TEEMING with loving gay couples raising happy children
Gabe: so gross
Gabe: especially since for every gay family
Gabe: two straight families are DESTROYED
Gabe: i do think Obama was wrong on that one
Gabe: that was a weird law for him to pass
Gabe: without congressional approval
Gabe: CHECKS AND BALANCES, ANYONE?
Kelly: And you know you’ll never hear about it in the gay-n stream media.
Gabe: hahaha
Kelly: What One Million Moms should do right now, other than protesting a TV show
Kelly: Is just go home, relax, and get themselves and their families ready for the impending rapture.
Kelly: Put on their best outfits, wait on the roof maybe
Kelly: Because I’m just not sure that this planet can be saved.
Gabe: one million angels

Comments (34)
  1. NBC has responded by replacing one guy with Rob Schnieder and the other with Richard Karn, and have announced plans for the baby to talk and dance – but only when his 2 dads aren’t around.

  2. This is the first time I’m hearing about this show. I also hadn’t thought about JC Penney in a long time before One Million Moms started making noise. I mean have they not figured out how beneficial their attention can be to the cause of gay dominance?

    • They have, but that’s actually their real agenda

      I mean why do you think they call it One Million Moms instead of Exactly 500,000 Moms and 500,000 Dads? The truth has been lying right under your noses sheeple

  3. Whatever, I’ll just recruit more people to the GLBT camp to bolster the premiere numbers. After all, this is clearly the endgame of the Gay Agenda.

  4. One Million Moms, being a fictitious figure and a misrepresentation of who is actually in the group, can go get crushed under the heel of one of my favorite fictitious moms, the overbearing, worrying but totally kick-ass Ruth Fischer from Six Feet Under, in which, btw, her son David has but one story arc that is the entire premise for The New Normal. It’s not new. It’s definitely normal. Get over yourselves, One Million Moms (or should I say A Couple Thousand People Most of Which Are Men). YA BURNT.

  5. G-Man, G-String, G-Bone, Gabe (babe, but with a G)

  6. Meanwhile, I heard that One Million Mons is protesting because the producers are not using any Buju Banton music in the show.

  7. And yet they’re suspiciously quiet on The New Nermal.

  8. To be fair, the spike in the divorce rate since Friends went into syndication are just due to re-divorces of the same people, so they shouldn’t really count.

  9. It’s a sad day when you have to say yes Ryan Murphy I’m on your side

  10. Why don’t we just start a TWO Million Moms group? I meant most of us are not moms (I’m guessing) but as long as we’re making up numbers, why not?

  11. Strangely enough, I find myself hating these groups a whole lot more when they invoke their opinions in the name of parents, children, or family (See also: Parents Television Council). The fact that they presume to speak for everybody in their demographic almost offends me more than their bigoted, closed-minded opinions.

    • Especially because how hard is it logistically to become a parent? ANYONE can become a parent. Doesn’t make you a good parent, nor a bad one. You’re still you, but now you have to take care of a living person. Sure, parenthood can change a person (once again, for better or for worse), but holding your kids up in front as the reason for your objections is smokescreen bullshit.

  12. As a member of One Million Blog Readers, I’d like to lodge a complaint about this creepy ad that keeps popping up:

  13. The real question on the tip of everyone’s tongue is “will Chick-fil-A air an ad during this show?” the obvious answer would be no, but now they’ve pissed off the muppets so who know what could happen next with all of these important protests!!!

    • Did you hear about their thing with Boston? They were going to open locations there in an effort to expand, and the mayor of Boston told them not to because of their stance on same-sex marriage. Boston is pretty okay, you guys.

    • I was down in Atlanta and kinda sorta went out of my way to eat a Chick-fil-A. I wanted to see what the deal was. And here’s what happened: the guy behind the counter paused and stared at me and announced, “Wow, you look like that guy from The Office!”

      Now, this was a cross-racial “you look like…”, always a little dicey. I’m not going to tell some black guy he looks like Cee-lo Green because, you know, he might be offended. “You probably think all black guys look like either Cee-lo or Jay-Z, you stupid asshole.” I suspect he knows this is a loaded gesture and is fucking with me.

      Anyway, I’m already kind of nervous, but I’m hoping he means John Krasinski. I picture myself as kinda vaguely cool and laid-back looking, that wouldn’t be bad at all. Who doesn’t want to be John Krasinski. BUT NO GOD DAMN IT HE THINKS I LOOK LIKE RAINN WILSON! GAAAARGGGGGH.

      Fuck Chick-fil-A in the fucking face, man. Stay out of my city!!!

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