Oh great, another example of Benedict Cumberbatch’s TREACHERY. Apparently, a fan ran into him in an ice cream shop and he was NICE TO HER. Cruel devil. Will nothing stop this horrible monster? Here is the horrifying tale told in the victim’s own words:

I met Benedict Cumberbatch today at an ice cream shop in New Orleans.

I’m visiting from New Mexico for a conference, and a friend of mine lives here and took me out to the place today. We were sitting maybe five minutes and I look up see him walking in.

I freaked out. On the inside. And stared like a freak. Benedict Cumberbatch just walked into the ice cream shop.

Him and his friend ordered ice cream, and because people are asking he got some sort of coffee flavour I believe but not 100% sure in a waffle cone, and then proceeded to sit at the table next to us.

Freaking out.

Anyway I was trying to explain to the other girls I was with, one had no idea and the other had heard of him, and I was dying. I didn’t want to be that annoying person, so I waited until they were finished to approach him.

If you don’t think you can stomach the HORROR of what happens next, then please shut down your computer and throw it in the bathtub because things are about to get UPSETTING. Stay safe out there. As for the rest of you, strap on your butts because here we go!

He gets up to walk out and I get up too and say “Excuse me sir” and he turns and looks at me and I say “I don’t mean to be a bother, but I’m a huge fan of yours”

And he breaks out into this huge grin and kinda looks at the floor and says “thank you!” and I’m clutching my phone and I say “I’m sorry, but could I get a picture with you?” and he says “of course!” and we go outside.

Because I’m freaking out I start blabbing and I said “I’m sorry I’m not from here I’m just very excited to meet you.” and he laughs and says “I’m not from here either!” (I died).

He asks where I’m from and I say “Las Cruces, New Mexico.” and he stops and thinks and asks “where again?” and I say “Las Cruces, New Mexico” and he repeats it and nods slowly.

He turns to his friend and asks if he would take a picture, and his friend said “sure no problem!” Benedict comes next to me and PUTS HIS ARM AROUND ME and I put my arm around him and felt his back and I died again.

His friend took the picture and said “I think I got it!” and Benedict said to me “pull it up, make sure it’s a good one!” so I do and we all 3 look at it, me still freaking out that he’s 3 inches from me, and he says “it’s a great one!” and I died.

He then asked why I’m in New Orleans and I explained that I was here for a volunteering conference to help clean up the city. He turns and looks at me and says “I’ve seen thousands of you guys everywhere!” he asks when I’m leaving and I say “tomorrow.”

He starts slowly walking away as I say “thank you so much!” and then I just blurted out “We’re all waiting!” and he stops walking and laughs and says “you know I do other things! But we are going to start filming in January and I believe it’ll be out next fall!”

He waves, says to have a safe trip home, and walks away, and I walk back into the store, a world completely oblivious to everything that happened.

HE WAVES, SAYS TO HAVE A SAFE TRIP HOME, AND WALKS AWAY. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mitt Romney uses the VILLAINY of Benedict Cumberbatch to turn the tide in this year’s presidential race. If Obama’s unwilling or unable to do something about this CRETIN then perhaps it is time we elected someone who was. (Tumblr via Celebitchy.)

Comments (60)
  1. As a 100 % heterosexual male, I can say without a doubt that I would make sweet, tender love to this man on a bear rug by a fire.

  2. He killed her a total of three times by my count.

  3. Looks like someone has a Benedict Cumberbatch Google alert.

  4. So what I got from this tale is that this girl has multiple lives, and Benedict Cumberbatch was determined to murder every single one of them.

  5. He might be nice to his fans, but I can’t be too sure about him until I find out what kind of ice cream he got. #chocolate4eva

  6. how does this go viral but my repeated accounts of seeing and nodding to Bill Curtis on an almost weekly occurrence go un-noticed? here’s another one. feel free to cut & paste it for your next post.

    I’m walking back to my office after finishing lunch and there he is again! AGAIN! He smiles and nods. I smile and nod. and go on about my business.

  7. Who is the most famous person you’ve met/exchanged words with?

    • The RZA poured patron into my mouth at a concert!

    • Before I moved away from Austin, I had a shot with Leslie once.

      (I also met Barbara Mandrel once, but after a brief internal struggle, I determined Leslie to be the more famous of the two).

    • Mike Tyson and Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers. Separately, before you ask.

    • Alec Baldwin once dared me with his bloodshot eyes to say hello to him at JFK. He looked quite dangerous so I left him alone.

    • I was gonna say Taylor Kitsch and Brooklyn Decker when they were here in Korea for the Battleship premiere, but then I remembered I played Magic the Gathering with the guy who played ‘Goob’ on Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, so probably him.

    • I thought I say J.M. Coetzee at an airport once, but then he laughed so I knew it wasn’t him.

      I’d be happy if two people got this joke.

    • I worked at a bookstore for 10 years, and we had a bunch of famous authors in for signings. Stephen King was probably the most famous. He swore a bunch, but was really nice to the staff. Mitch Albom was an a-hole. WAIT! Did I say Stephen King was the most famous? I forgot about the kid’s event with Dave Coulier.

    • I met Alex Trebek when I was young and foolish, although we only exchanged words when the cameras were rolling. Looking back, I think he was only in it for the money. (In all fairness, so was I.)

    • frank black. i was a totally drunken fucktard and thanked him for being a prominent artist on the soundtrack to my life and he appeared to be completely unimpressed by my kraken fueled speech. later on i rolled around on the hood of his caddy and friends took pictures like it was a whitesnake video. supercrawl in hamilton is awesome, by the way.

  8. And so started me trolling the streets of New Orleans, looking for Sherlock Holmes.

  9. I’ll bet he wouldn’t have been so nice if he had known how horribly she was going to butcher the King’s English just to describe the experience.

  10. a “volunteering conference” = EVANGELICAL LUTHERANS oh god they are everywhere right now in matching tshirts. they do it every year here, and it is called “the gathering”.

  11. Best part: “…and felt his back and I died again.”

  12. I bet Cumberbatch would be totally up for hanging out playing super nintendo games if you asked him nicely.

  13. WOOPS I’M LATE TO THE PARTY BUT… AHHHHHHHH SMELLING SALTS! I NEED THEM! AGAIN!

    • I would also like to add that it was a little crappy of her to shout, “We’re all waiting!” after him, IMO.

    • Summer Estherson I would like you to meet Master Cumbersnatch, you would would be so much cooler and better at telling us what he was eating, and you wouldn’t forget to mention what he smelled like, like this amateur.

      • Thanks, Messica. Believe you me, if I were ever to meet the Batch, I’d use all my journalism training (currently wasting away in the dusty corners of my mind) to bring you all a full and detailed report.

        • A trained journalist willing to smell celebrities for money and write about it? I could put together a business plan for a site like that in about 3 days. Depending on which platform we could use (WordPress would be easiest but I hate it), about 3 more days to build and 2 weeks to Beta launch and market test and then sell to the right investors.

          Or we could make it into an app like Instagram. Smellagram… It’ll be just like Instagram but with descriptions of smells. Then people would send US their personal information… Then we sell that information to other people.

          There’s bubble money in this idea and I want some of it.

  14. Benedict Cumberbatch or cloned Dennis Quaid?

  15. Flavour? Just because he’s British doesn’t mean you are!

  16. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  17. I’m all giggly and swoony, which is not an acceptable reaction to an internet story.

  18. I too am from Las Cruces, New Mexico (go Bulldawgs!) and I want to thank you for saying our hometown to my favorite celebrity. Now he knows it exists. Too cool.

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