Just in case there is anyone out there who hasn’t seen this spring/summer’s sleeper hit, The Avengers, I want to warn you that in order to have this very smart and, moreover, so so important debate we’re about to have about whether or not the fictional character Iron Man deserves a DUI for drinking and then flying in his fictional flying Iron Man suit, we’re going to have to discuss a few Avengers SPOILERS!!!! So if you were planning on saving this one for a Blockbuster night, do proceed with caution (unlike Iron Man would) (ALLEGEDLY). From VistaCriminalLaw:

In fact, the first time that Iron Man could potentially face a DUI charge in the films is when, in The Avengers, he enjoys a glass of scotch before Loki throws him out of the window. Fortunately, Stark is saved by his Mark VII armor, which suits him up and lets him fly away just before hitting the ground. As this is at the climax of the movie (we’ll try to leave out as many spoilers as possible), Tony then goes on to fight, until crashing to the ground at the end of the battle. In all, the epic battle scene only lasts about 15 minutes.

This is the type of situation where drinking and driving laws get a little bit tricky. You see, assuming Stark consumed about 4 ounces of alcohol and that he weighs around 170 pounds, he did drink enough to put him over the legal limit of 0.08% BAC.

You see, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I thought building a thing that the Hulk “could never get out of” that clearly the Hulk could clearly definitely get out because remember when he did get out of it? was unsafe, AND NOW THIS?! Unbelievable. But it is true that this piece of evidence does reserve its right to a poll on a website, because this IS America. So.

Should Iron Man Get A DUI?

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Nothing like a good DUI law-based debate about a stupid super hero from a movie that nobody even remembers anymore because it’s The Dark Knight Rises‘ time now to get your morning going. GOOD MORNING, BRAINS! Nyce 2 cu. (Via Neatorama.)

Comments (23)
  1. this pretty much explains why i could never be a superhero. i love my kryptonite.

  2. Hey, Superhero Police! At least get the terminology correct. This would technically be an FUI.

  3. C’mon, it’s Tony Stark. He’ll need at least three bottles of gin to put him over the limit. #nerd

  4. Of course not! He wasn’t operating a motor vehicle! An arc reactor isn’t a motor! Lawyer’d!

  5. He’s fine.

    Armor is just apparel that happens to allow flight. You’re allowed to be drunk and in clothes.

    Next we’re going to go after Thor for drinking and operating his hammer. Sigh, the lamestream media, right?


    • Thor is such a LUSH tho!

    • Just another case of political correctness gone mad, ruining America’s superheroes. Back in my day, you didn’t talk about this sort of thing. It’s distasteful. So what if Spider-Man had a few too many and dropped that kid from the top of the Empire State building that one time? The man is a hero, damnit!

  6. While we are at it, can someone check and see if Thor has a work visa from Asgard, because he’s probably taking a job away from a hard-working American Norse God.

    • steve rogers was a juicer.

    • So a person on my Facebook took this picture, cut off the bottom part about The Hulk, and used it to say that Captain America is the best because he is a good Christian. Seriously.

      • I got you, ‘Co.

        • Oh maaan, I SO would love to show this to her, and also have her understand what that picture means. I also wanted to comment and point out that the fact that the Vikings got it right pretty much proves that his religion DIDN’T, but I really don’t want to lose her as a “friend.” She makes for good comic relief. My favorite moment was when she started a “digital imaging” company, and ended up Uncanny Valleying her child.

          • This isn’t Hot Val or Homeless Randy?

          • Nope, this is Jennifer Ugly.

          • The movies did go out of their way to say “Technically, Thor and Loki are aliens that humans mistook for gods … don’t picket our movies crazy religious people that picket everything”.

            Then again, it was probably more of the “we don’t want to mix magic into our mostly “pseudo-science” based universe, so just have the “sufficiently advanced science is the same as magic” mumbo jumbo to explain Thor.

        • This is amazing and I’m not just saying that because I love Chris Trash a bit.

        • I can’t stop myself from typing this–

          The Asgardians of the Marvel Universe (specifically the movie universe) are different than the Norse gods of our real world’s mythology. The Marvel Asgardians are effectively immortal/ageless (by Earth terms), seeing as Odin & Co visited Earth/Norway roughly 1,000 years ago, from which was where the Norwegians of the Marvel universe got their Norse mythology. The Vikings didn’t get it right in the sense that the Asgardians are our gods. They got it right in that what they witnessed and recorded actually happened, and because the Agardians take so long to die, can acutally drop in a millennium later and confirm it. The Norse pagans were reporting news, which then got embellished and twisted as the stories of the Asgaridans were told of the over the centuries.

          So the Marvel Asgardians aren’t gods so much as slow-aging humanoid aliens with super-advanced technology that looks like magic to an earthling.

          I guess that is why Cap cans still believe in God God (because the Asgardians existence doesn’t discount it), and why Stark can still be an atheist by saying Thor’s presence proves nothing more than there are alien species out there who have visited Earth before.

          *places mic on ground*

  7. I’d love to see Iron Man’s roadside sobriety test. They’d make him do the touch his index fingers to his nose and he’d accidentally set of his hand lasers.

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