A little over a week ago, Barack Obama was giving a speech that almost certainly cost him the election, hopefully. He was talking about small businesses and said something about how all businesses require roads and distribution infrastructure and how everything is completely intertwined and people require help in their business and their day to day life and therefore we need to stop being so selfish and self-important about our businesses and start recognizing that everything is unified and we all got help along the way. GROSS! Obviously, a man like this should be thrown in jail. In any case, Mitt Romney and other conservatives have jumped on this to show, correctly, that Barack Obama is a violent socialist who wasn’t even born in this country. But it took the intrepid, irrepressible newshounds at Fox and Friends to get the Real American Story and really stick it to this usurper president who wants to take all of our money and give it to the hospitals for nothing. They tracked down two young girls who have opened their own lemonade stand and built the whole thing on their own for sure. SORRY, MR. OBAMA, ENJOY YOUR RETIREMENT CAKE.

Seriously, though, when you think about it, it’s impressive that these girls invented lemons, sugar, water, lemonade, lemonade stands, childhood, siblings, cuteness, and summer. America’s future is bright indeed! And, of course, congratulations to Brian Kilmeade who, as this clip demonstrates, is a real adult, a total professional, a great journalist, and America’s hero. (Via GotchaMedia.)

Comments (42)
  1. eliza’s got the right idea.

  2. These young women are so Brave! I can’t wait to see the wave of job creation this lemonade stand kicks off once they get bored and abondon it. I mean literally anyone could buy this million dollar business at that point.

    • It’ll be a tax shelter for their investors. It’ll be like having a George W. Bush and giving him business after business and selling short right before he starts having authority. Plus, if the stand is incorporated and the name is trademarked (which it very well could be), this could legitimately be how the parents decided to deduct tables and chairs and a whole new kitchen of supplies… and yet even with all this help (to be paid back with interest) apparently CoolSplashTM was a failed model from the get-go and the investors could list a $50,000 lost on their small business.

      I think I have that right. Also, we live in a nightmare world. I’m going over to CuteOverload or possibly back to bed.

      • What I’m saying is the IRS should examine this lemonade stand.

      • loss not lost! FUCK YOU EARLY MORNING RUNNING PEOPLE. Stop texting me at 4 a.m.

        (Not any of you. My friend that does this doesn’t go on the Internet because she’s too busy running or whatever.)

      • If the kids buy themselves ice cream can the parental investors still claim them as dependents?

        • I literally don’t know. I just know that people exploit hobbies as businesses so they can write off things they’d buy anyway and take that business/hobby as a loss. And that other people exploit children for political or economic means. And the kinds of people who would put their kids on Fox and Friends are probably the types to do both. Or not. I am very very tired.

    • That is how the fancy spell abandon!

    • Too bad they’ll be out of business once the fall comes because of heavy taxation and onerous EPA regulations. NOBAMA.

  3. What BS! They didn’t do it on their own. Life gave them lemons.

  4. When Republicans make lemonade they probably substitute the lemons for sour grapes.

  5. No one helped me with my school costume and I turned out OK.

  6. I can’t even watch this shit. This makes me so mad. Politics aside (seriously) there’s no way these girls have any actual politics…their parents made them go on this show. Most kids grow up with their stupid parents’ politics until they start thinking on their own and decide to agree or disagree ON THEIR OWN. ugh…it drives me nuts. don’t make them go on a fucking show and talk politics like they’ve come up with these ideas based on a complete understanding of the complicated socioeconomic political history of the country.

    • That aside, something about posting this directly under that photo of Ralph makes it all okay. Thanks, monsters! (specifically Chris Trash!)

    • Did anybody else feel like the girl on the right kept fixating on the gun that was pointed at her off-camera to make sure she didn’t screw up her answers?

  7. When I was young, me and a friend wanted to sell lemonade but I didn’t have any at my house. I did have milk though. So we went door to door selling glasses of milk. No one wanted the milk but gave us money because they felt bad for us. So we got to keep the milk and still make money. Free idea for all you entrepreneurs out there, just paying it forward.

  8. “When life gives you lemons, throw them away because they’re socialist illegal alien lemons, and then make your own, and then make lemonade.” -Mitt Romney

  9. Finally, someone has the courage to call parents what they truly are: investors. Apropos (ladies) of this, when I went to college (ladies) I took a class on the economics of the family (ladies). The whole class was predicated on the assumption that the only reason parents have children is that so the children can take care of them when they get old. Aside from that being an airtight assumption, it’s also exactly what happens in the United States. Right, seniors? Seniors?!?

  10. He wants free healthcare too, right? Counterpoint:

  11. no one helped them with the lemonade stand, but someone helped them rehearse their lines.

  12. I don’t think this is the appropriate time to have this conversation.

  13. This guy is on the top 10 all time list of cheese dicks.

  14. They should just do what Bain Capital does and convince other lemonade stands that they should be purchased, then break the mortgage and sell pieces of them off, then when the lemonade stands can’t pay off the mortgage they didn’t need in the first place, they won’t be involved anymore and can just sit back and let the interest roll in.

  15. You could say that, Mitt Romney would build his own stand across the street, use outsourced labor to make the lemonade, take the extra profit and set up dummy lemonade stands throughout the neighborhood, corner the market, and then buy Cool Blast after it’s run out of business. Of course, that would be childish nonsense rhetoric, but you know, who cares, right?

  16. What’s jarring about Fox is not that they’re such a mendacious partisan tool, but that they’re so bad at it, such complete hacks, and yet that doesn’t stop them from appealing to a large segment of the population. I mean, this is the lowest of low-hanging fruit. (“Who you callin’ a fruit?” – Brian Kilmeade)

  17. I don’t even. This is not an argument for anything. I mean is Brian Killmenow just trying to be cute? With that face? Not working, pal.

  18. Romney’s crushing the 4-7 year old female demographic.

  19. Did anyone else sing the Cheezy Blasters song from 30 Rock when they heard “cool blast”? No? Me either.

  20. I call BS. My daughter had a lemondade stand once. I had to go buy the stuff to make lemonade, I made it, I carried the table outside and helped her set up, and I made several more pitchers after she and her friends kept drinking all of the merchandise. I worked all dang day for free! Of course, we are a household of pinko liberal socialists so that probably had something to do with it.

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