This video is annoying for two reasons. First, it’s just another reminder that babies will cry about anything. Stupid old baby. IT’S A TEMPORARY TATOO, YOU BABY! That thing is going to come right off your thigh and also why do you even care? You got a big job interview coming up at Baby Corp and you HAVE to wear shorts? Grow up. Things happen. Enjoy yourself, we’re all going to die one day. But this video is also annoying because the intensity of this baby’s regret is totally appropriate for the actual tattoos that many adults get, but adults never react this way, even though they should. Tweetie bird is slam-dunking a soccer ball into Norman Mailer’s mouth with a thought bubble coming out of his head that says “Me So Horny” on your FACE. Why aren’t you WEEPING?! Oh right. Because you, like a baby, are an idiot. (Via TastefullyOffensive.)

Comments (78)
  1. I told my wife we should get Facetaquito a real tattoo now, while he’s still a toddler. That way, when he gets old enough to WANT one, he’ll already know what it’s like to get a tattoo of something you might not want on your body one day. All he has to do is look at his tattoo of the Yo Gabba Gabba cast on his stomach, and he’ll remember that lesson well.

  2. Friday BNPG: bad tattoo ideas

  3. “Put down the camera and talk to me…LIKE A PERSON!” – this baby, babies everywhere, my dog that one time he was freaking out because he didn’t understand what a toad was.

    • my dog, on numerous occasions, since i guess they’re popular in my neighborhood, would mistake stone statues of dogs as actual dogs. funniest thing ever.

      • :) How are you holding up? I’ve been hugging my guy extra tight this week and I think it is creeping him out. Just kidding. We are super codependent.

        • not to bum everyone out, but the “crying at my desk” part has gone down exponentially, but the knot in my stomach is constant….and as any pet owner knows, they are so ingrained in the daily routine that every little thing is just a reminder. i was cutting an apple yesterday and i usually gave him a slice or two and he LOVED apples [note: dogs LOVE apples] …and so i lost it. over an apple.

          ..and then there’s all that time in the day you devote to them now open, where there’s nothing to do but sit on the couch and miss him terribly. ugh…i’m unloading. sorry.

          thanks so much for asking. it really means a lot.

          • You are welcome, I also didn’t mean to put up such an incredibly smiley smiley face. My little dude turns 10.5 next week and I’m not ready to accept that. Sure he acts like a puppy and looks like a puppy but… yeah.

            Hang in there. Telling good stories about them totally helps, btw. And not to suggest getting a tattoo, but It is a not creepy way to get the chance to tell those stories more often. (Of course I named my dog after Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch so that’s going to be a weird one…)

          • yeah, they really do. thinking about him and the statues did nothing but make me laugh.

          • So sorry to hear you lost your buddy. If there is an afterlife, your bud will be there waiting patiently for you. And since dogs don’t understand time, your bud won’t even notice the wait.

            Wish I could give you a hug through the internet.

      • late to the party and new to the site, but so sorry to hear of your loss…my one guy, oliver freaks out each and every time he sees a statue of anything. best was at our old dog park where there are two enormous blue and green statues of dogs…after peeing on the one he looked up and realized he had just wizzed on a huge green dog with crazy eyes and freaked out.

  4. For some reason this reminds me of my 15th birthday party, when I made my male British friend let me paint his nails. He kept referring to it as “nail varnish” so my friends and I decided to convince him that I was using “nail polish” which was different from nail varnish in that it was permanent. He didn’t react exactly like this baby, but he sure did believe us.

  5. This is my reaction anytime one of my younger family members texts me a picture of their latest tattoo. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHY DO YOU NEED GIANT NAUTICAL STARS ON EACH SHOULDER? YOU ARE NOT A SAILOR!!! AHHHAGHHHWAAAHHHH SOB SOB SOB”

    • Sailors of course get those shoulder tattoos to aid in navigation.

      • I have a tattoo of an anchor in honor or my childhood dog, Sailor.

        A few years after I got it, I learned that was a symbol for a popular Trixie sorority in the Midwest. So all these awful girls would ask if I was a DG too and I’d say “no, this is a tribute to my dead dog.” Then I moved and got to tell both stories about those idiots and about my rad dog.

        • Awww, Sailor the dog! Sounds cute! What kind of dog was he?

          If I wanted to, according to sailor tattoo custom, I could get an anchor because I have completed a transatlantic crossing.

          • Yellow lab. He was THE BEST. Seriously acted like a human. Watched TV when we were asleep. Stole baguettes then pointed to my brother when asked where the bread went. Would run away from our lawn to swim in the neighbors’ pools then act all “get a pool and I won’t leave.” Everyone loved him. The neighbors were the ones who told us, actually. Said he showed up and was so great their kids wanted a dog… But the fur was clogging the drain. He would steal you shoes if you were going somewhere so you couldn’t leave. Used to watch the sun set. Hated fetch but would play it while swimming ALL DAY. I love that guy so much. That my dog looks like a tiny version of him is not much of a coincidence.

    • I was about to be offended, but then I finished reading, and since I was in the Navy when I got the stars tattooed on my shoulder, I guess we’re okay.

    • I am guessing you may not approve of my kitten and knitting tattoo scheme.

  6. I can sympathize. You get three Motts juice boxes deep and you start making some bad calls.

  7. The baby wants to be buried in an Orthodox Jewish cemetary.

  8. “Gee, what makes you think I want you to take it off? Wait, does it involve a knife?”– that poor baby.

  9. I’m sorry, but this baby is a genius of non-verbal communication. The depressed shrug, the collar-pull when she suggests taking it off, the arm waving… I am amazed!

  10. I saw a girl with a tattoo of little bows at the tops of her thighs with little tattooed stitches going down each leg. A creepy old guy approached her and said her tattoos made her look “fun.” She was giggly and with her friend and appeared to be 18 – 20 at the most. To put it nicely, she was too dumb to figure out the old guy was finding out if he could bone her. It was… Well, it was a lesson in life. Not for me, not for her, but for someone.

  11. That baby’s onesie game is on point

  12. oh god, this baby’s face is the worst

  13. This is so odd. This is exactly how the conversation goes when my ex-gf talks to me about whether or not we should get back together.

  14. My teenaged nephew didn’t even understand my point when I was strongly recommending that he get his first tattoo on his shoulder if he insisted on getting one instead of the BACK OF HIS HAND like he planned on. When asked why, I said, “Because you can hide the tattoo on your shoulder when you’re trying to GET A JOB”. He just looked at me blankly, he didn’t really understand the concept.*

    * Yes, I’m old enough to still think that somebody, somewhere, might pass over an identical applicant for a “dealing with the public” job for someone sans visible tattoos. I know, I’m crazy.

  15. I got my job because of all my horse tattoos, and I can tell you shoveling shit behind the romantic horse-drawn carriage rides through downtown sucks.

  16. am i the only one who thinks this kid looks like mike birbiglia?

    don’t cry, baby birbiglia, don’t cry. you will be friends with nathan lane someday…

  17. this child’s facial responses make me thankful to be child-free and a happily crazy dog lady.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.