So, someone posted a question on Reddit: “Which famous person needs to just come out already?” and it has already elicited, as questions on Reddit will, thousands of answers, almost all of which are just “Tom Cruise.” Obviously, this is just an Internet goof. “Tom Cruise, duh!” It’s silly. Strictly for the laugh out louds. But also, no, guys. No. The answer to the question is not Tom Cruise. The answer to the question is none of the above. Nobody needs to come out. For what? The person who is most hurt by someone hiding their sexuality is the person hiding his/her sexuality. The end! (And if we’re really talking about Tom Cruise, I cannot think of a LESS powerful and inspirational figurehead for any kind of gay empowerment movement than that guy.) Actually, before anyone else “comes out,” and this is in no means a diminishment of the wellsprings of personal strength that those in the public eye who have come out in the past have had to summon in order to do so, but before anyone else follows their lead, how about we get rid of the entire expression. Coming out stems from the need to keep something hidden, and the need to keep something hidden stems from the idea that it’s bad or shameful. So whenever anyone “comes out,” no matter how joyful or liberating, it still plays into and feeds off of that basic darkness. No more! How about it? A better question would be: which famous person needs to just fuck whoever they want and fall in love with whoever they want and not worry about some kind of ignorant, archaic, bigoted, garbage reaction from the boring, overly entitled, violently intrusive public? And the answer to that question is: everybody. It can be fun to gossip about who is having sex with whom! But it doesn’t matter whether they are gay or straight. Let’s just take that focus off of it. Personally I find the fact that Lizzy Caplan is dating Matthew Perry to be WAY MORE EXPLOSIVE than Anderson “Bike Shirt” Cooper. But I hope all three of them are very happy. (Thanks for the tip, Funtastik.)

Comments (61)
  1. I think Joaquin Phoenix should “come out” and make a documentary about it. It’ll be so funny and we’ll all just laugh and laugh…

  2. Well said Gabe. I feel like Im listening to my (racist and homophobic) father talk when I hear most people talk about Tom Cruise potentially being gay. Its as if his ‘crazy’ actions in the spotlight allow us to openly ridicule him for whatever reason. While Im totally on board with bashing him for acting like a crazy person, his potential homosexuality is no joke. If he is gay, Im sure thats a personal source of great pain and suffering and I find it no laughing matter.

    • It always leaves a bad taste in my mouth when people mock his “crazy” behavior for that reason.

      If he is gay, and feels the need to be closeted for whatever reason, that pressure is probably the cause of his erratic behavior, and mocking him for it is kind of like mocking a closeted person who is depressed for being depressed over being closeted.

      I mean, Scientology is a weird creepy cult and the vaccination stuff is stupid and wrong but if something as “crazy” as jumping on a couch means you’re insane then basically everyone I’ve ever met should be committed.

      • I get that, but Cruise is aware of the spotlight on him. He makes millions of dollars every year, Im not going to lose any sleep on pointing out that he engages in some strange activity. What one does in their bedroom is honestly none of my business and, for the most part, neither are their personal activities. His divorce with Katie Holmes? I think its shameful that people get off on their misfortune. Thats their business. But you and I dont jump on couches while being interviewed on national tv. In fact, I bet both of us could get some media recognition doing strange things at inappropriate times. He knew there would be a reaction, he wanted publicity. He got it.

        • I guess to clarify, we dont engage in those actions because we understand that while we would gain attention for such activities, the attention would be negative. No one wants to be noticed for simply acting ridiculous, or at least not most people. He was basically whoring himself out for the media by doing alot of the things that he does (as do many celebs) and I have no sympathy for it.

    • This is related to the way I feel when people react to a homophobic person by saying “Well I bet they’re gay,” as if being gay is a punishment.

    • I’m pretty sure that making fun of people for being mentally ill isn’t any better than making fun of people for being gay. Like, *pretty* sure, but who knows, really?

      I think I’ll just stick to making fun of people who are so insulated by wealth and fame that they can’t recognize that they’re acting like jackasses. Also, Scientologists.

  3. A better question would be: which famous person needs to just fuck whoever they want and fall in love with whoever they want and not worry about some kind of ignorant, archaic, bigoted, garbage reaction from the boring, overly entitled, violently intrusive public?

    Perfect summation, no brownose-o.

  4. Lizzy Caplan and Matthew Perry are dating??? Could they BE having any more fun yet? Or something?

  5. I like to refer to Caplan / Perry by the relationship portmanteau “Mizzy Perplan,” which, coincidentally, is also my band’s name.

    • I just call them “Chandler and that chick who isn’t Zooey Deschanel,” which, coincidentally, is also the name of Zooey Deschanel’s new band.

  6. Well, Tom Cruise COULD be gay, right? I mean, he isn’t married, so you never can be sure.

  7. While I agree with your sentiments regarding the subtext of the expression “coming out”, I also wonder whether the expression doesn’t have some value. Many (most?) young gay people grow up knowing or at least believing that revealing their homosexuality will affect their social and family lives negatively, and I wonder if the notion of coming out has an empowering effect. Certainly it would be great if the fear didn’t exist in the first place, but that is the reality for a lot of people.

  8. I don’t think using the phrase “coming out” has to mean being gay is shameful. It can mean that it’s dangerous and scary to come out. Let’s say you’re hiding in a closet because there’s a monster lurking. If you’re afraid to come out, then you’re just kind of a normal person?

    • “Nile Rodgers got the idea for ‘I’m Coming Out’ after noticing three different drag queens dressed as Diana Ross at a New York club called the GG Barnum Room. The lyrics hold an additional meaning to Ross, as she was leaving Motown Records and “coming out” from under the thumb of Berry Gordy.”

      I love that Nile Rodgers wrote Diana Ross a song after seeing three drag queens dressed as Diana Ross. And it became her signature song and a huge hit!

  9. So when Tom Cruise starts hanging out at aquariums and really Troys it up (McClures it up??), Gabe can lean back in his chair, pet Birdie and say, “I’d like to think I helped him be who he really is…” Because I support that. I really do. I’m still pissy about Nick Denton’s post on Gawker taking credit for Cooper, but what Gabe said is perfect. You get it, Gabe. You really do.

    Also, I think Tom Cruise is attracted to fish.

  10. Gabe’s post was very inspiring, and it’s pushed ME to come out and put my secret shame behind:

    I’M NOT REALLY A CLOWN. I just put on the makeup and the fancy clothes because it makes me feel pretty.

  11. Interestingly, I feel like this whole spring/summer/year/whatever has been categorized by what could basically be considered openly gay people “coming out!” in the news. I guess now that the requisite People cover and Today show interview is tired, old media standards like the NYT and Newsweek have started scooping the Wikipedia pages of B-List cable stars and stuff for their big, gay, outing-the-celebrity articles. Like, that whole thing where Matt Bomer is married to his partner and they have adopted children and anyone who was a White Collar fan or who googled that hot guy in the White Collar commercials knew that but there was no announcement so somebody was like, “Matt Bomer is coming out! Like two years ago when we first figured out who he was and that he would be famous and also he has always been married to another man! Finally! Buy our magazine!”

    • Well does it have new photos of Matt Bomer? Asking for a friend…

      • I don’t remember what magazine started it all, but I remember being mad it had no pictures actually. here is a link to a photo of Matt Bomer and his husband in matching glasses. I won’t embed it because it’s kind of huge, which is how any photo of Matt Bomer should be:

        But right there, “rumored husband.” How do you have a “rumored husband?” And “rumored children.” Did they think he was this guy’s Manny on the side in case acting didn’t work out?

        • ACK! “Gay allegations”!!!! Like being gay and happily married with kids is some sort of crime! EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

    • I agree…especially compared to Jim Parsons’ mention of his partner (and other stuff) in that article about how he’s in Harvey…and the surrounding controversy that he “didn’t” “come out” and that the article should have treated it more delicately or drawn more attention to it, or whatever else.

      • Right? He thanked the guy and said he loved him on national TV like the first time he ever won an award and anyone would care who he was other than that guy on that show with that kid from Roseanne. Is that not out? I feel like that’s out.

  12. you know who should come out…. Tobias Funke.


  14. Who is Lizzy Caplan?

  15. Fun game: “Which famous person needs to just _____ already?”

  16. no one’s sexual orientation should matter to the world. but i guess the idea that compels people here is that when celebrities like tom cruise and john travolta appear to go to lengths to hide or deny their sexuality, it seems like they are making a statement that homosexuality is wrong and gross in general, not just on an ashamed personal level. continuing to orchestrate a myth about being straight manly dudes is what they are comfortable with and that is no one’s business, but at the same time it kind of continues to back the idea that there is something wrong with being anything other than a big hetero man hunk.

    • Or they’re making a statement that being openly gay would hurt their careers, because the world is so incredibly homophobic still and maybe we should work on fixing that first. (Also, they’re Scientologists, and there’s probably no more homophobic religion than Scientology. So that’s another thing.)

  17. Something that’s been bothering me a lot lately: Being gay is not a “personal issue,” which is the usual closet-friendly euphemism. Sexual orientation is no more personal than being black or Asian is personal. One’s relationship to one’s sexuality, of course, is personal.

    Also, Which Celebrities Should Date Lizzy Caplan? A: All of Them

  18. I say that, from now on, instead of assuming that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, we don’t assume anything! Or, actually, even better, let’s assume that everyone is gay until proven otherwise. “Did you hear about John Travolta?” “Yeah, I heard that guy’s married… *to a woman!* I’m pretty sure he could be straight!”

  19. reddit is the worst, its turning into the next 4chan, but with even more obnoxious jerks

  20. -Which straight person needs to tell gay people how to communicate their gayness to the world?

    Unless you are an habitual c-cksucker, shut the f up already. Gay people don’t need your patronizing.

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