It feels like there have already been so many takes on Sleeping Beauty, and that might just be because this porn-y one shows up on Netflix sometimes, but even so I think I can speak for most of us when I say: ENOUGH! (Also it’s probably definitely just because I’m thinking of Snow White.) (Is there even a difference?) (NAME ONE THING THAT’S DIFFERENT ABOUT THEM.) Anyway, here is a new stupid take coming to a theater near snooze, from The Hollywood Reporter:

With Disney in production on the Angelina Jolie starrer Maleficent, producer Neal Moritz is moving forward with a comedy take on the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale that turns the slumbering sweetie into a pesky stalker.

The 21 Jump Street producer is developing a modern-day retelling that finds the male protagonist accidently awakening Sleeping Beauty and finding that he can’t get rid of the lovestruck heroine.

RUH-ROH! What a laugh-a-minute twist, showing both that you have to be careful what you wish for and also that girls drool and boys rule, and also that Emma Stone might quickly turn too old for this role so we HAVE TO MOVE FAST! So far the movie has no writers and no name, just this sparkling premise, and we can at least help them out in one of those two areas. My suggestions:

  • Sleeping Dummy: A Moden Day Scarie Tale
  • Why’d I Haveta Wake THIS One?
  • Bros Before Sleepy Hoes, Unless…
  • Oh Brother!
  • Jack and the Sleep Stalk(er)

Those are definitely good, but I think they need your help, too!!! Help them!! Help them come up with a name!!!!!

Comments (42)
  1. he should go “edgier”

    • she’s supposed to wake up from true loves kiss, not “OMG, MY WATER JUST BROKE… WAIT… AM I KNOCKED UP? OH WTF!!!!”

      • Fun Fact: in the original tale, she woke up not at love’s first kiss, but at love’s first baby-accientally-sucking-splinter-out-while-looking-for-food-ahahaha-OH-FUCK-WHAT. Fairy Tales! They’re fucked up!

        • I would love to see fairy tales adapted STRAIGHT UP as they are from the original Grimm, Straparola, Basile, or Perrault tales. Just every bit of implied incest, mutilation, and general nastiness that was all up in those stories.

  2. Waking Nightmare

  3. I copped a feel while she was in a coma and now she won’t leave me alone, starring Adam Sandler.

  4. Alex Vermitsky  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2012 +11


  5. Creeping Beauty

  6. Cold Comfort Foam

  7. Bitches Be Crazy

  8. Also, “Kelly Conaboy” in the byline? Why so formal, Kelly? Aren’t we friends?

  9. Kourtney or Khloe Take Disney

  10. I saw the Netflix one. It is really disturbing. Do not watch it.

  11. Stalking Beauty


  12. A Tale of Two Tittes

  13. 2 Fast 2 Curious

  14. She Was Hotter Unconscious, written by Daniel Tosh.

  15. Princess Ambien and the Enchanted Restraining Order

  16. Alex Vermitsky  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2012 0

    Taxi Driver!

  17. Also though, I left to walk my dog and fully expected to see the Breaking Bad recap when I came back. This will do for now, but I am still waiting.

    I did, however, enjoy this collection of gifs at MOBFD:

  18. Axe Body Spray Presents: Sleeping Beauty

  19. Sleeping Beauty… Not!

  20. Tha Rory Story

  21. All About Aurora

  22. Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Sleeping Beauty

  23. Alex Vermitsky  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2012 +1

    The Jersey Shore

  24. Conversation of the producer pitching it to Disney:

    Moritz: “Virtually 100% of your paying audience is young girls, right?”
    -Disney Exec: “Correct”
    Moritz: “OK, so what if we change the premise of Sleeping Beauty so girls don’t like it, and boys won’t go see it anyway?”
    -Disney Exec: “Awesome, here’s your advance!”

  25. 2 Sleeping 2 Beauty.

  26. Sleeping Booty

  27. Well…Age and wealth ain’t nothing but a number for these loved-up A-Listers. My BF and I both think so! He is almost 10 years older than I. We met via ~~–Agelover .COM~~ a nice place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other! Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends :)

  28. I’m not so they are “stock” characters so much as archetypal characters. Disney understood well that complicated characters could be confusing to a child, and he wanted his audience to feel good about watching his flicks.

  29. Sleeping Blookhead



  31. Just look at Sleeping Beauty (Princess), Prince, evil fairy, good fairy, the king and queen.

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