What a week, am I right? Night of a million jerks. I heard that the Macy’s Day Parade was canceled this year because we got all the big jerks we needed already. (What?) Between Daniel Tosh, Nancy Grace, Robert Blake, Kirk Cameron, Pat Buchanan, Jane Pitt, Chloe Sevigny, Star Jones and Daniel Tosh, it really was a special time for human beings to just go crazy in front of each other. But you know what: we made it through. We lived to sing the songs of legend and old and tomorrow is Saturday and Breaking Bad returns this weekend and all in all let’s all just relax and unwind. If you even LOG IN to Tumblr this weekend you blew it. DON’T BLOW IT!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Martha Stewart Biting A Kitten On The Face Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 topknot | Jul 10th Score:60

Dude is so edgy, we should just push him off.

Posted in: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0
#4 Steve Winwood | Jul 10th Score:61

also feel like tosh point o and the family guy dude seth macfarlane (sp?) are cut from the same cloth, this kind of de-humanized smugness, this post-smug sort of smugness that is smarmy and unappealing. something boring about that type of attitude. dont care for it.

Posted in: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0
#3 Steve Winwood | Jul 10th Score:63

this will sound dumb but one of my problems with tosh point o is that he has this really really long neck and he then wears these low cut v neck t shirts that only exacerbates his neck length so he ends up looking like some kind of giraffe type freak. not interested in watching him act smug and like he’s so “out there” with the humor that is “over the edge” etc. but that neck thing is a distraction. I dont care for it. he should wear turtlenecks or a scarf or something, cover that thing up. I dont care for it.

Posted in: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0
#2 pickpocket | Jul 11th Score:69

I listen to pretty much all jokes except rape and country.

Posted in: “Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience Member Gang Rape” Follow-Up
#1 R2D2, Esq. | Jul 11th Score:82

Can we skip yesterday’s extensive debate about rape culture and all just agree that threatening a woman with gang rape is a bad thing to do and that there’s absolutely no defense for it? And if you don’t agree then could you kindly stick to commenting on YouTube? Thanks for understanding, everyone.

Posted in: “Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience Member Gang Rape” Follow-Up

[Assoc. Ed. Note: As Gabe said, it has been quite the week of nightmares. But it only reenforced how wonderful it is to have you guys -- you beautiful shining lights in the never-ending pit of darkness -- around to comment on it. Good job, guys. ESPECIALLY good job to you four. We really did it! We made it through!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 kendynamo | Jul 10th Score:-34
can’t we all just rape each other get over it?
Posted in: Daniel Tosh Encourages Audience To Rape Another Member Of Audience, LOL.0

[Ed. Note: Haha. Relax guys, this is fine. Seriously. We SHOULD all rape each other! As a goof!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

That One | Jul 10th Score:26

I’m not even gonna pretend to have a pretense for posting this.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Martha Stewart Biting A Kitten On The Face

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, That One! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

summer estherson | Jul 12th Score:18

Way to pull a bait and switch on us, Kelly!

Posted in: Just A Normal Fishing Video With No Surprises

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Good one, summer estherson!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

catweazle | Jul 12th Score:16

It’s blookhead week.

Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Nancy Grace Is Still The Worst

[Ed. Note: This was posted as a response to the question "Is it asshole week?" Another response, of course, would have been "yes." It really was! Although most weeks are. And I told you guys last time that I love any comment that refers to "blookheads." That doesn't actually mean these are going to win every time. Stay on yr toes, boys.]

Comments (39)
  1. Ayo. Lemme ax you a question.

  2. Oh shit, it’s Friday?!!?

  3. Hey guys, us hotheats over at MOBFD are reading Gabe’s book that he wrote a while ago. Discussion is next month. Reading is magical.

  4. Holy wow this week. I’m going to go to the woods and punch dance this out until I feel better.

  5. You guys! Such a terrible week for “celeblookheads” but a pretty good one for me! Between winning my department’s equivalent of “employee of the month” at work yesterday and getting Editor’s Choice, I’m about ready to go on a massive ego trip.

    • Yayayayay!! Congratulations! Did you get anything exciting for it? I won my dept’s version of employee of the month like 8 months ago and am still waiting on my gift certificate to a restaurant of my choice…

      • I got a gift certificate also! It was very exciting. I wanted to make it rain, but the best I could do was drop the gift card on my own head.

  6. Guys, let me let you in on a little behind the scenes non-sense that I was working on.

    A while ago I met and alderman though a friend, I also met a bronze sculpture artist and I e-met a guy named Steve Winwood. I thought long and hard about what to make of this so I decided that the only sensible thing would be to make a Steve Winwood Statue in a public Chicago park. I talked to the alderman who was up to it under the guise that it would be a “statue in homage to the Internet.”
    I talked it over with the chat monsters, specially fondue who suggested I contact corporate sponsorship to make this happen. I was thinking of maybe contacting an Internet provider so that the statue would give out free wi-fi.

    For a while everything seemed to be going OK. Steve Winbot is facebook “friends” with the guy who invented showbiz so I thought that would be the biggest hurdle, you know copyright and all. I was thinking of opening up a kickstarter for private donations and including depictions of other internet memes to help fund this. But just as things we’re getting ready to roll along, I showed the artist a rouhg design and told him the full scope of the project. He promptly told me to go fuck myself and the project was abandoned.

    Anyways, Just thought you would like to know just how close we came to ligin in a wolrd with a bronze Steve Winwood statue. The end.

  7. Whaaattt?! It’s Friday and I’m in the BALL?! This is too much!! Thanks, Kelly! Thanks Monsters! You’re all great! Let’s all have a great weekend and forget about garbage nonsense and jerks!

  8. I’m escaping civilization tonight for a week and a half to portage, kayak, hike and camp. Please fix the world by the time I come back to it. I have to say I am sorely tempted to just stay off-grid in the boonies and never return to this nightmare internet-world we “live” in… If my apartment weren’t so nice and if there were more burly giants in the middle of nowhere,* you would never see me again.

    *I’m sure all burly giant lumberjack-types live in the middle of nowhere, but Canada has a LOT of nowhere, so it’s next to impossible to find the nowhere where they are.

  9. The Saints signed Drew Brees!! Here’s a premade blingee to celebrate

  10. Can I put out an open question to anyone who wants to give their two cents? I didn’t see the lowest rated comment until just now, and I kinda thought it was one of the funniest comments on here today. I’m genuinely curious why you guys downvoted it. Did the “get over it” part sound harsh?

    • I think that kind of sarcastic joke is pretty risky, and given how serious the the rest of that thread got, everybody was probably feeling extra sensitive (and fair enough! There was a lot of terrible garbage to think about). So I think the we took offense to what could have felt like it was making light of the whole thing.
      Part of it, I am sorry to say, was probably because this was a commenter we’ve never seen. It was their first comment, no avatar, etc. We monsters are very awesome and kind to each other, but considering how tense that thread was getting I think a lot of people weren’t willing to give the same benefit of the doubt to this “stranger” as we would to a known monster who had already established themselves as a non-asshole.
      I don’t think we’re too clique-y as a rule, but that was a hell of a risky comment to make as their introduction, and we gave them the opposite of the benefit of the doubt. Sorry, guy!

    • I upvoted it. LOL. 8)

  11. I Googled “this week” and found out that most people think it was pretty kooky! Want to defend yourself, this week?

    (Oh, yeah, I maaaaade it! I’ll try not to let the facts of it being asshole week and that my comment had the word “rape” in it make me feel too ambiiiiiivaleeeeent!)

  12. Congratulations everyone! Happy weekend! I have a feeling all the assholes are going to go away next week!

  13. This is what I think about asshole week.

    • It’s funny because it’s satire that is done well, with extra points for the perfect use of poetic irony.

      But what do I know? I’m a woman. Let’s wait to see what male comedians on Twitter have to say…

      • I don’t get it. This comment isn’t about salad, so it seems pretty far outside our purview as ladies. What are you even saying? Do you have a salad now? Do you think maybe you need to go get one?

        • I’m not going to lie. I had a salad for dinner, and it told a few rape jokes… none of which were funny. So I stabbed it with a fork. A lot. I am *such* an angry feminist.

    • Not cool.

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