Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi kelly
Kelly: It’s been a while! How’ve you been?
Gabe: my hands are cold!
Kelly: What?
Gabe: since we last talked, my hands have gotten too cold
Gabe: Uh-oh. Are you dead?
Gabe: i’m sitting in this overly air-conditioned Starbucks
Gabe: and it is 2 cold 4 schold
Kelly: Oh that’s terrible. Starbucks are always too cold, what’s the deal with that.
Kelly: Trying to sell more hot coffee????????
Gabe: i think the employees turn it up so high
Gabe: because of their stuffy uniforms
Gabe: head to toe fur uniforms?
Gabe: to sell coffee?
Gabe: what were they thinking?!
Kelly: Yeah, I never really thought about it before
Kelly: But it does seem like a bit much
Kelly: Let them take off the fur balaclavas at least!

Kelly: It took me a while to send that message because I forgot what they were called and I had to google “face covering winter hat”
Gabe: yeah, i know
Gabe: (kelly is typing, kelly is typing)
Kelly: “This one’s gonna be good” – you, I bet
Gabe: just staring at the screen
Gabe: hitting refresh on my chat
Gabe: WHAT ARTICLE OF CLOTHING IS SHE BING-ING?!
Kelly: Well, I hope it was worth it
Kelly: Just kidding
Kelly: I KNOW it was.

Kelly: So what’s up, what’s on your mind
Kelly: Other than your hands
Gabe: just my hands
Kelly: Oh wow, that seems nice, actually
Gabe: i’m very present
Kelly: That’s really beautiful
Kelly: So anyway not to take your mind off your hands
Kelly: But have you had any time to donate to Charlie Kaufman and Dan Harmon’s Kickstarter yet, for their stop-motion animated film Anomalisa? Which they’re using Kickstarter to fund so they don’t have to have their work changed by Hollywood studios?
Kelly: It’s only been up for like a day so I understand if you haven’t gotten to it yet
Gabe: oh, that’s why i’m in this starbucks
Gabe: i live here now
Gabe: because all my money went to the kickstarter
Gabe: to help fund that underground project from a bunch of people who probably only have, like, low-digit millions
Kelly: Oh wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kelly: You really care about the integrity of this project
Kelly: WHICH PERSON ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE THE 20 MINUTE SKYPE SESSION WITH?
Gabe: fingers crossed for those strugglers
Kelly: It’s lucky that Kickstarter finally exists
Kelly: And we can finally have ONE movie
Kelly: Untainted by studio input
Gabe: i just hate the hollywood system that let us all know that their work was good in the first place
Gabe: it’s so awful how the studios gave us all the things we like by those guys
Gabe: fuck those studios!
Kelly: Fuck them.
Gabe: for just 25 dollars, you can SEE it one day!
Kelly: A stop-motion movie that sounds mostly like a movie any of them would have made anyway.
Kelly: “A downloadable movie poster” for $15 might not seem like a lot
Kelly: But you have to also consider the history you’re making by helping to fund the first film made with 0 studio input
Kelly: And many famous producers
Gabe: never has there been a group of creative people
MORE capable of raising 200 thousand dollars
Gabe: without the help of their friends and family
Gabe: and they know this so well
Gabe: that in the video for their project
Gabe: they say “if we get more than 200 thousand dollars, we’ll do OTHER stuff!”
Gabe: uh, cool, LIKE WHAT?!
Gabe: ugh
Gabe: it’s rude!

Kelly: It’s all very frustrating. When my own friends ask me to give them money for free for their movie projects on Kickstarter it’s frustrating and rude, yeah.
Gabe: it’s just such fake populism
Gabe: “join us in our fight agains the studio system!”
Gabe: whatever
Gabe: every single one of them will continue to work within the studio system
Gabe: which is FINE!
Gabe: they should!
Gabe: they’ve earned it!
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: but, if you want to fart out a project, fart it out on your own dime
Gabe: life is hard enough as it is
Kelly: Right
Kelly: Are they releasing this movie for free?
Kelly: One of the pledges gives you a digital download of it so I would assume they are not releasing it for free
Kelly: Which seems extra rude
Kelly: That they’d ask their fans for money to make the movie and then ask their fans for money to watch the movie
Gabe: if you really love and respect your fans so much
Gabe: why don’t you just make something for them and give it to them?
Gabe: and if you can’t afford to do that, your fans will understand
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: People liking you and giving you their money in the first place is the only reason you can ask the people who like you to give you more of their money
Kelly: Bologna
Gabe: also, those guys in particular
Gabe: have had extraordinary success
Gabe: at making things within the studio system that
Gabe: sure
Gabe: might not have been 100 percent the exact version they wanted with no outside input
Gabe: but are PRETTY unique and clever and whatever
Gabe: if anything, it is often their own self-indulgence that still makes it through the process that is the most frustrating part of their work
Gabe: so, take it easy

Kelly: That’s very true
Gabe: i’m completely fine with the work of Charlie Kauffman AS IT IS
Gabe: and have never been like
Gabe: TAKE THE LEASH OFF THIS DOG AND LET IT HUNT!
Gabe: the dog is doing fine
Kelly: Right
Gabe: let’s also be clear about something
Gabe: LET’S BE CLEAR, KELLY STOP CLOUDING THE ISSUE
Kelly: I’LL THINK ABOUT IT WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
Gabe: i’m not saying i don’t want these guys to make their cartoon
Kelly: IT’S A STOP MOTION CLAYMATION FILM
Gabe: go ahead, guys!
Gabe: make yr cartoon!
Gabe: but buy it with your lawn mowing money
Gabe: that’s what i had to do when i wanted a swatch watch

Gabe: when i wanted a swatch watch
Gabe: i didn’t ask my fans to donate money
Gabe: I MOWED THE LAWN LIKE A MAN
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: and i did NOT play the victim about it
Gabe: i wasn’t like
Gabe: HELP ME BUY A SWATCH WATCH OUTSIDE OF THE TERRIBLE LAWN MOWING SYSTEM
Kelly: “Let me buy the Swatch I would like to buy. Something pure. Something beautiful.”
Gabe: “this swatch will be bought with no notes from the lawn mower”
Gabe: “on which swatch to buy”
Kelly: “My goal is to have the most unique Swatch on the market, so you, my family and friends, are allowed to enjoy my Swatch the way I intended.”
Gabe: “for 25 dollars, you will get one skype call with me to ask me what time my swatch watch says it is”
Gabe: “if you donate more than 25 dollars, i will be able to use that money to work on other shopping projects”
Gabe: “with such artists as Videogames, Comic Books, and Candy.”
Kelly: “I just want to buy something myself.”

Comments (46)
  1. Kelly googled “Daniel Tosh Audience Member” to get that image.

    • by the way, if I can get $15,000 through kickstarter from all of you, i will quite my job by telling my boss “work is really getting in the way of my videogum” and become a Professional Commenter.

      If I get $25,000, I’ll go to other sites and make Monster inside jokes and confuse everyone. For $30,000 I will also troll every Reddit AMA, Celebrity Live Chat, and the occasional morning show call-in segment to ask, “Where do you get your ideas?”

      • *quit

        there, funnily enough, work got in the way of my videogum

      • I’m starting a kickstarter to get more money.

        For $1, you get an emailed photo of a dollar bill.
        For $5, you get an emailed photo of five one-dollar bills.
        For $10, you get an emailed photo of a fan I have made, not out of dollar bills, but just a regular piece of paper.
        For $20, you can see a fan I made out of 4 $5 bills. It will be sent through U.S. mail as I support the postal service.
        For $50, you get a photo of a $50 bill that has been made into a Blingee gif.
        For $100, I will make a Blingee gif out of the avatar of your choice. (Only Videogum)
        For $250, I will let you read my blog, which hasn’t been updated in months because I lost the password.
        For $500, I will just write you a long angry rant about how much I hate Pintarest.
        For $1000, I will send you a photo of part of my car because that will be the part of the car you just helped me pay off a little. You may even get a small piece of the car in the mail because, like I said before, I like the Post Office.
        For $5000, I will write a short script about your life. It will be sent to you via email in Blingee form and ALSO mailed through the U.S. Postal Service.
        For $5005, I will also burn you a copy of a Postal Service CD I liked a few years ago.
        For $10,000, I will write a short script about Dan Harmon. Not Community, just that guy going around through his day… doing stuff [mostly napping].

      • I should have a kickstarter to allow me the time to take more beach naps? I will send everyone grains of sand.

  2. I never would’ve thought they’d work on an all-CGI* project together.

    *clay generated image

  3. Hey Charlie Kaufman and Dan Harmon.

    Go Fund Yourselves!

  4. I don’t understand why they don’t just construct the set out of millions of tiny claymation bottles of Vitamin Water. Instant funding.

  5. Ugh. It really is asshole week.

  6. For the record, we have no control over the AC, it is controlled by corporate.

  7. “The film is about a man crippled by the mundanity of his life.”

    I had something to funny say about that but it vanished during my rage blackout.

  8. Who’s Dan Harmon?

  9. There is a part in that chat where Kelly was checking her Facebook instead of paying attention to Gabe, because she was giving the same answers I give my wife when I’m checking Facebook and she’s messaging me. See if you can guess where.

  10. Ugh this is why Kickstarter is sometimes the worst. It’s like TONS of people would love to have money to pursue their vanity projects, but only a certain kind of person thinks his/her vanity project is more worthwhile than other people’s to the point where it’s like, well why not ask people to help me? I have something unique to say!

    Like this fucking guy: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/563551372/a-life-told-from-the-cloud. Dipshit, lots of people want to write novels but don’t have the spare cash to buy the time.

    And of course, many of these types of projects do get funded, rewarding this obnoxious me-above-the-crowd mindset and behavior. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

  11. How much money do I need to give Gabe to have a skype session with Birdie?

    • For $7,500 Gabe will tell you you’re fired. For $2,500 Kelly will include your Goodreads profile on Afternoon Links.

  12. Eh, it’s not like it’s George Clooney on Kickstarter trying to reboot his vision of Batman. It is really hard to get a movie made. I mean, I’m not giving them any money, but they can ask.

    • The purpose of making a movie (at least, the purpose of them making THIS movie) is to spend some money in the hopes of making it back and then getting a bunch more on top of it. This would be a cool thing if it ended up being fan-funded and then distributed for free.

      But it’s not. They’re doing this in the hopes of selling it to a distributor for a much bigger chunk of change than $200,000, and they don’t have to pay any of that money back. They very easily could have invested the money themselves if this was a project they believed in so much. The fact that they are asking to get money from people – the real world would call them “investors” – with much of the ROI being whimsical shit that doesn’t cost any actual money? That’s some seriously entitled bullshit.

      • Yeah, I don’t disagree with you, really. At least they’re being upfront about it so everyone knows what they’re getting into. I’m curious to see if this will work.

  13. I don’t hate this, exactly. Maybe they tried to get it made, but there were too many changes demanded so they decided to see if it was something their fans would like to see them make themselves. My money is precious to me because I have so very little of it, but I support this in principle. If people want to feel like they helped Dan Harmon and Charlie Kaufman make a movie, let them.

    Also, how does kickstarter work? If the project doesn’t pan out, do you have to give the money back? Has anyone just started a pile of really dumb kickstarters that don’t work out and turned that into its own career? Asking for a friend.

    • Technically, you’re not giving them your money until after the deadline passes, even though you’re pledging money beforehand. If the deadline passes and the target amount of money isn’t reached, then they don’t get the money you or anyone pledged. If the target is reached, then they will take the money everyone pledged.

  14. I wish the $10,000 tier for Executive Producer credit came with the ability to give a round of notes.

  15. dunno about this. Is it ever ok to ask for money on Kickstarter by this reasoning? Tim Schafer recently funded his adventure game through Kickstarter because there is no major videogame developer willing to throw up money to produce a quality point-and-click game in this day and age. Schafer raised over 2 million dollars and now that game can be made.

    I mean Kaufman and co can definitely throw up the funding for this project if they really wanted to, so I agree they are just being jerks using their audience’s money. And my film school is full of rich kids funding their expensive student films on Kickstarter, which is annoying to say the least. But I think Kickstarter is an avenue for things to be made that just couldn’t be created without public donations and support.

    Kaufman and Harmon asking for funding in this instance is objectively sleazy, but writing off Kickstarter all together seems to be throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

  16. Obviously, since I’m looking forward to the next season of the Harmon helmed Community, and another season of the hilarious and touching claymation series Moral Orel, both of which are still around, because this is the best alternate universe, I would have no reason to support these guys in making their own little Dr. Horrible-esque side project on the internet.

    However, for those in the reality where we don’t have any new content coming down the pipe from Harmon, Dino or even Kaufman (that I know of, I don’t have a google alert for new projects), I wouldn’t mind seeing this. And the “asking for people to pay for it, and then asking them to pay to see it” only applies if someone pays less than 20 initially (in which case, they get to see it when it’s made), and then buys it afterwards. I’m pretty sure they are going to get funded, so anyone that isn’t going to pay enough to get the digital download or DVD or BluRay for free would be able to treat it as a ‘normal’ project, and just pay to see it or not.

    And, for people that DON’T want to see their work without having to corporate oversight, in fact you believe that it makes their work better … well, you don’t have to contribute. It’s one of those whacky things … the people that will give them money will be the people that DO want to see the project. It’s like paying for your ticket ahead of time. While 50 or 60 would be a bit more than what would be spent on a DVD or BluRay respectively, it is sort of a premium cost to get a product that is, by it’s nature, going to be a niche product anyway. I don’t remember any angry blog posts about organic farmers charging people 3 times the price of a “normal” tomato because they dare to make it outside of the ‘agro-industrial’ system.

    Compared to the rest of the assoles we’ve seen this week, this is easily ignorable and benign. Some people will spend money they would have spent on something else equally shallow or silly or stupid, and they get to see something they may not have otherwise seen. While “famous” people using Kickstarter seems like a bit of a cheat (similar to the Kevin Smith ‘method’ for his release of Red State), but the only real problem is giving false hope to actual amateur film makers that somehow they can self-fund or crowdsource a major motion picture, without already building a large enough fan following that would make it viable.

  17. I’d like to see you guys dig in on the Penny Arcade kickstarter. I mean, you’d probably have to get acquainted with Penny Arcade, the webcomics hierarchy, their history and all that but once you do, BOY that one’s a thousand times more audacious than this!

  18. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t like kickstarter/the project/Charlie Kaufman/Dan Harmon/etc. don’t give them your money.

    Is it P.T. Barnum who said “A sucker is born every minute”? and that line from Rounders (a super good movie that I used to watch all the time) “it’s immoral to let a sucker keep his money”

  19. I would choose to Skype with Nicolas Cage as Charlie Kaufman.

  20. i’m a barista and it gets really really hot by the thing where we make the lattes and stuff but i’ll turn the air conditioner down if you kick me a bunch of moeny

  21. I pity Gabe, it must be no fun to be that cynical.

  22. I just don’t understand.

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